Brother in Law hitting on to my wife

[keichi79]

Hi,

I would like some advice/ opinions from other people, other than direct friends. So here goes:

 

Whenever me and my wife go to her sisters place, her sisters husband always makes a direct approach to my wife. At first i though this was normal, as they have known each other for years now, long before i came onto the scene.

 

Over the last couple of months, i have noticed more and more the amount of innappropriate comments that he makes towards her, especially around wanting to spank her, and for her to spank him. At first i just laughed this off, but the comments became more and more direct and innappropriate. He also takes every oppotunity he can to slap her bum, and touch her shoulders, hands and arms. And always tries to be as close as possble to her. Even to the point, where i a made to feel an outsider!!!

 

I have discussed this with my wife, and she is of the opinion that this is just him doing what he usually does, and that there is nothing in it. She also feels really uncomfortable when he makes these comments, and has asked him a couple of times to stop. To make things worse, he often does this in front of his own wife, who doesnt really seem to pick up on this. It is getting to a stage where my wife feels really uncomfortable being around him, especially when he continues to make these remarks, and keeps slapping her bum.

 

So, my question is: how do i approach him about this, and tell him that he is making us both feel uncomfortable, and we think its innappropriate?

 

Any suggesstions would be great thank you,

[Eggplant]

This situation is sticky because if you cause a commotion, you may rupture the peace with family, which follows you forever, since they are family.

 

On the other hand, bullies usually thrive by taking advantage of nice people's desire to not cause a stir...

 

Hmmm, if you've already asked nicely, it's technically not your problem if he's clueless...

 

I say ask more directly and sternly.

 

Another solution: avoid him as much as possible.

[Roadkill007]

Was the origin of this behavior from the days when he knew your wife before you met her? Did she ask him to stop then if it was from back then? Is there any chance he's angling for some swinging?

 

In any case you need to make it clear to him that it's not acceptable behavior and that both you and your wife are perturbed about it, and that it's preventing your enjoyment of visiting him.

[SpiralOut]

In my family, when someone doesn't want you to do something they tell you upfront. When I went to stay at my brother's place he told me right away: "you can't bring your cat. You can eat whatever food is in the fridge. You can do this, but you can't do that" etc.

 

So next time they are coming over to your place, tell them ahead of time: We'd love to have you over, but it's not okay to slap my wife's ass while you're over here."

[salparadise]

In my family, when someone doesn't want you to do something they tell you upfront. When I went to stay at my brother's place he told me right away: "you can't bring your cat. You can eat whatever food is in the fridge. You can do this, but you can't do that" etc.

 

So next time they are coming over to your place, tell them ahead of time: We'd love to have you over, but it's not okay to slap my wife's ass while you're over here."

 

Yup, this ^^^

 

It would be best if your wife is the one to put the brakes on this since it's her body and boundaries he's violating. If you do it it's just going to look like jealousy. If she has already asked him nicely in private to stop and he won't take no for an answer, then it's appropriate for her to call him on it in front of the rest of the family. She can do it in a firm yet respectful way so as not to alienate other family members, but the embarrassment will be an effective deterrent unless the guy is so boorish that he can't be embarrassed. Something like, "I have asked you privately, and now I'm telling you here in front of everyone that it is not ok for you to put your hands on my body, or to direct your sexual innuendos toward me. So do not ever do that again." He deserves this.

[Running Man]

Very simple. Put his actions in the spot light by confronting him with everyone there to see. Tell him to not touch your wife again and if there is any spanking to be done it better be with HIS WIFE. Also make it known that you see how his actions are when he sees your wife.

 

I almost wish a man would put his hand on my wife's butt. That's a quick way to getting punched right in the throat. Bottom line MAN UP. Also tell your wife to WOMAN UP by not letting another man feel her up. WTF?????

[Feelin Frisky]

Ever hear of a knuckle sandwich? I suggest Educating him on what that is. Don't slug him. Just make it known he has no wiggle room left before it comes to that.

[mtber75]

Hi,

I would like some advice/ opinions from other people, other than direct friends. So here goes:

 

Whenever me and my wife go to her sisters place, her sisters husband always makes a direct approach to my wife. At first i though this was normal, as they have known each other for years now, long before i came onto the scene.

 

Over the last couple of months, i have noticed more and more the amount of innappropriate comments that he makes towards her, especially around wanting to spank her, and for her to spank him. At first i just laughed this off, but the comments became more and more direct and innappropriate. He also takes every oppotunity he can to slap her bum, and touch her shoulders, hands and arms. And always tries to be as close as possble to her. Even to the point, where i a made to feel an outsider!!!

 

I have discussed this with my wife, and she is of the opinion that this is just him doing what he usually does, and that there is nothing in it. She also feels really uncomfortable when he makes these comments, and has asked him a couple of times to stop. To make things worse, he often does this in front of his own wife, who doesnt really seem to pick up on this. It is getting to a stage where my wife feels really uncomfortable being around him, especially when he continues to make these remarks, and keeps slapping her bum.

 

So, my question is: how do i approach him about this, and tell him that he is making us both feel uncomfortable, and we think its innappropriate?

 

Any suggesstions would be great thank you,

 

REALLY! I would open a can of whipa@@ on any guy who touches my wife like that...You have to be a man and confront this guy on his inappropriate behaviors! It looks like he's not respecting his own wife either by doing this so do everyone a favor and call him out on this! Above all, your wife will respect you for standing up for her!

[coffeebean201]

keep it short and direct.

 

"you are making her feel uncomfortable.

if you don't stop with the inappropriate comments and touching, then we won't come over for 3 months".

 

he'll make a mistake again on purpose.

 

don't go over there for 3 months. and he's not allowed at your house for 3 months.

no matter what.

 

 

then resume visits and never mention it again, unless another 3 month break is needed.

 

that is what I would do, but I'm sure you are getting lots of good suggestions here.

[crederer]

Slap her sisters ass and touch her shoulders, see how he likes it.

[january2011]

Speak to him together. Say something like, "We've asked you to stop being disrespectful and inappropriate towards my wife. You are making us both uncomfortable. The next time you do anything like that again, we will leave. And we won't be coming back."

 

Then if he tries it again, just stop what you're doing and leave.

 

Alternatively, refuse all their invitations. If they push you to explain, say that your wife doesn't feel comfortable around your brother-in-law because of his inappropriate behaviour towards her. Sadly, until he's more respectful, you're going to have to decline all invitations.