Nisha86 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Me and my bf have been together 10years, we broke up last year and I left it at that. After a year he contacted me saying he wants to get back together and that he has missed me so much and I was the best thing that happened to him. I was wary as our break was quite bad. We agreed to be friends and just spoke for a while. He then got drunk and started naming all these girls that was interested. I spoke to him about it when he was sober and he said that they were but he wasn't and he doesn't know why he did that. Things went well and after a short period we decided to give this relationship another go. We got together but then it felt as though he had lost interest. And I felt as though I was making all the effort. Now there was a girl mentioned while he was drunk and I find out from him that it's all of a sudden his best friend and she is the one who helped him when we broke up and was there for him. But it makes me think why would he say she liked him. Never the less I didn't say anything to him. Then it began to bother me when he is on the phone to her texting all day an then late at night. So I thought I would talk to him and maybe he can reassure me that nothing was going on. Instead he got mad at me and told me that he would choose her over me any day and he's not going to stop speaking to her which I never said and he told me that I was trying to control him and I would never be able to and that we should break up. I apologised to him because I wasn't even thinking along them lines and I felt bad that I had come across like that.. After that thing were fine until New Years we met up and had a few drinks. He got really drunk and said to me I was supposed to spend it with his mate but she was busy and that cos they work together everyone at his work place thinks there is something going on. And we argued a bit and he fell asleep. Low and behold he doesn't remember and gets angry at me and says to me that I'm lying cos he doesn't even think on those lines and i made it up cos I have a problem with her. Apparently she is in a long term relationship of 9years. After a while he apologised and said he doesn't even think of her like that and that he is sorry and doesn't remember anything. I forgave him and moved on. Now to add to this..... He is struggling getting a job, so I have been applying to firms on his behalf to help him cos its really bringing him down. He finally heard from one which he told me to apply to and the application online took me about an hour. I told him excitedly that we had a response and he said to me I ain't going to go for it cos that's not what I really want. Now I work in a full time job but made the effort to take time to apply and it felt as though that meant nothing... I said to him well it's a bit tedious that I took the time to apply for u and now your saying you didn't want to go for that job? With me saying that he got mad put the phone down and ignored my texts and calls. He then text me saying he is annoyed at me cos I chucked it in his face that I made applications for him and that he doesn't need me to do anything for him and everyone is pissing him off and he wants to do things that make him happy and to cool off. I text him back saying I'm sorry if you thought I was chucking it in your face but I don't think I did... His response was are u still texting me? And we haven't spoken since. Should I contact him??? Sorry for the long essay I don't have much friends and would like a unbiased opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 I've just read your other thread about how he treated you after your abortion. Why are you still talking to him? How long are you going to allow him to treat you like some doormat without feelings? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nisha86 Posted January 10, 2013 Author Share Posted January 10, 2013 I don't even know what to say back to that Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 (edited) i've know of some men who like being paid for; some girls can like it too, but we're looking at a man in this instance, and he flops into the role of the man you to have to pay for let him befriend/do what he wants, he will anyway cuz he has so far, and spend your money elsewhere - (on me? ) or much more importantly, you, seriously tell him you're saving up for something, so now there'll be living just on basics impartial, you wanted... Edited January 10, 2013 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 I don't even know what to say back to that That you are waking up to reality and you won't let him treat you badly anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nisha86 Posted January 10, 2013 Author Share Posted January 10, 2013 And what about the cool off? Should I contact him? Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 And what about the cool off? Should I contact him? Never speak to him ever again, he is a leech. Find a guy who treats you as a decent human being. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Almond_Joy Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Haven't read your other threads Nisha, but I second Emilia just based off of what I read here. This man does not respect you and seems undecided about what he wants for himself. How can he sustain a healthy loving relationship if he's not happy and sure of himself? You sound very accommodating and compromising. If you do decide to keep communicating with him which I don't recommend, stop apologizing every time he claims hurt feelings. I haven't seen that you've said anything offensive or inflammatory to him. If he chooses to get angry and defensive that's not your fault. You deserve someone who will respect your giving nature instead of exploiting it. Leave the relationship in the past where it belongs. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
columbia1 Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 I would never talk to this guy again. I know how hard that may be, but you will thank yourself in the end. I was not involved with, but interested in, a guy who treated me the same way your guy is treating you. Getting angry, inappropriately angry, for addressing an issue of concern in your relationship - not accusing or demanding. The reason my guy was doing it - he had another relationship on the side that I was not privy to, and he didn't want to tell me about because it meant letting me know he had been "talking" to me at the same time he was "dating" someone else. We were not in a relationship, but he had a duty to tell a female that he knew was interested that he was involved with someone else and off-limits. It sounds like this guy might be holding on to this other woman, not as another woman, but on the hope she might leave her guy. I remember when that happened with this guy (I was the "other woman" in that situation but years before), he still contacted me - but never mentioned it to his girlfriend. So I don't think it will stop either way if he doesn't want it to. I hope you also know that doing things for him - like applying for jobs - is not going to score points with him. He is a man, and they do have their pride. Same guy from above - was struggling in his new job and I offered to help - verbal support, monetary support, referrals, etc. It ended with me getting blamed for not being supportive by keeping my mouth shut. Helping is helping only when the other person is willing to receive it. He was willing to move in and marry his gf to improve his financial position b/c he was unable to pull it off with his job, but he wouldn't take help from me b/c it wasn't his vision of what he wanted. Twice the money with less effort. I'm sorry to talk about myself, but I am trying to show that guys like this don't need excuses made for them. They are who they are - jerks. I am a female, but I will say this. In general, we get defensive and angry when we feel like we have to justify ourselves - we know we are doing or have done something wrong. In a relationship, when you care about someone else (guy or girl), you do things for the betterment of your relationship. His constant anger with you I think is a direct result of his bad behavior towards you - he knows it, even if you don't. My advice -never contact him again. Leave him alone, let him fend for himself, let him let this other girl take care of him. If he needs someone to mother him, he is not in a relationship for the right reasons period. No adult should be responsible for taking care of another adult unless they are unable to do it themselves. It will only backfire when they are finally able to stand up and support themselves, or you will begin to feel unappreciated (like you already do). Give as much as you get in any relationship. You are getting nothing from it - so give nothing back. RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN! If he comes back, firmly tell him you would prefer to remain friends only and ignore him as much as you can. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 OP, I'm assuming you want children one day. You owe it to them to find a good man who treats you well and provides them with a stable, loving home. You can't have a relationship with men like your ex. Please update us on the outcome. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nisha86 Posted January 11, 2013 Author Share Posted January 11, 2013 I just want to say thank you firstly for all your responses, it's given me strength not to contact him. He hasn't bothered either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nisha86 Posted January 12, 2013 Author Share Posted January 12, 2013 I haven't contacted him but a mutual friend told me that his family are under alot of financial pressure and that they may even lose their home. He thought he had told me but he hasn't.. He contacted me cos for the past few days he has been trying to get in touch with him and his phone is off Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 You care about this why? A jerk is what the issue is. A jerk absent his phone is still a jerk. Link to post Share on other sites
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