ar1234 Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 Am looking for advice from everyday people. I am dating a doctor who performs pelvic/breast exams on women daily. We are very much in love, our sex life is great and and do generally believes he loves me....BUT....I cannot seem to get over this and accept it. It bothers me on a daily basis. I have been trying and trying to deal with this and I am doing better,k but not good enough I feel. Any suggestions, help, advice? Anybody out there think I am crazy or would feel the way i do???? Please help me honestly, I need advice Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 He chose to date you. That's all you need to understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Hawaii50 Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 Yeah I know right, he's a medical professional. You should either become a urologist or see a therapist. Q: does he like your mammarys? Or is it a.. I work at Burger-king so I don't eat burgers anymore? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ar1234 Posted September 29, 2012 Author Share Posted September 29, 2012 Yes, I know he chose me. I have a hard time thinking of what he does all day long. I am trying to decide if it is just me or other people would feel anywhere close to what i do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ar1234 Posted September 29, 2012 Author Share Posted September 29, 2012 No, our sex life is great. He seems to enjoy "being with me sexually". I just feel "odd" when I think about what he does all day long. I try to deal with it by not dealing with it. Just occasionally he will mention something about a patient and I will feel like crying. Tried a therapist, no help. No help at all. Maybe just need a different therapist. Guess I am alone in feeling like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Hawaii50 Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 Neah I'm pretty sure everyone else is happy with a partner who clears 6 figs. You must know, he doesn't look at awesome boobies all day. Much like being a Gyno (which I would only do in 90210) and STILL I think I would get the Burger King syndrome. It's work. Have you ever talked to him about this? Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 I'm surprised that gynecologists ever want to have sex with women. I wonder if female urologists enjoy sex with men or is it just more work Chefs still like food and they cook all day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ar1234 Posted September 29, 2012 Author Share Posted September 29, 2012 There is definately no Burger King scenario happening here. And yes, he clears in the high 6 figs...but that doesn't mean anything to me. I just want a loving relationship regardless of $$. I know he sees all types of bodies all day long, which again therein lies partial problem...lots of bodies all day long -- good and bad. And yes, I have talked to him about this and he thinks I am a nut. A certified nut. Getting the feeling, others feel the same also!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Hawaii50 Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 Only because you have nothing to worry about. which is good that you're the only crazy one on Loveshack! Link to post Share on other sites
pinton Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 i keep reading your first post and i still dont get it ??? are you seriously bothered that he sees other womens bodies day in and day out ??? my wife is a nurse and she sees naked men and women all the time, so wheres the problem ??? if this is eating you up like that, you best get out of the relationship because there is no way it will survive, sounds like your very very insecure, and insecurity leads to jealousy, and jealousy can and will destroy any relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ar1234 Posted September 29, 2012 Author Share Posted September 29, 2012 I think this all has something to do with jealousy...trust...and self esteem issues. All 3 of which only I can fix. i guess there was something inside of me that was hoping I wasn't alone in feeling this way, that someone else would identify with these feelings. Guess I have alot of self fixing to do. Link to post Share on other sites
pinton Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 I think this all has something to do with jealousy...trust...and self esteem issues. ahh yes, this is another problem right here, and this goes back to the "insecurity" thing i mentioned. do you feel that he is seeing womens bodies that are better than yours, and that makes you wonder why he stays with you, when he "could" actually find a woman with a better body than yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ar1234 Posted September 29, 2012 Author Share Posted September 29, 2012 He is a pediatrician seeing patients up to the age of 21. He is always talking about all these girls coming in for their complete physicals and needing birth control etc. When I hear about it it makes me feel uncomfortable. I don't feel like getting naked with him...like he has seen so much today already he doesn't need to see me. Yet, he does make me feel sexy, wanted, etc. I am jealous and insecure. I know this. I can't compete with 18-21 year olds. yet, as I write that I realize that I shouldn't feel like I should have to compete. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pinton Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 yet, as I write that I realize that I shouldn't feel like I should have to compete. yep, this is a clear case of your own insecurities taking over, and you need to sort it out, because it will eventually rip you apart. if he makes you feel wanted, and sexy, just accept that, and maybe you can present yourself to him in a different way that makes you feel better about yourself. afterall, who is it that he goes home to at the end of each working day, You OR one of his clients ??? my wife is nearly 50, and she has the body of a very slim and fit 35y/o woman, so i am very lucky on that front, she wouldnt have to worry about me finding another 50y/o woman with a better body than hers, but i know she has seen many men my age with better bodies than mine (and are better endowed as well) yet she is still with me after 22 years, and i certainly dont think about her situation at all, its her job, and we have no insecurity in our relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 He is a pediatrician seeing patients up to the age of 21. I can't compete with 18-21 year olds. yet, as I write that I realize that I shouldn't feel like I should have to compete. I am also dating a doctor and we have talked about this. You are SEXUALIZING his profession. For him, it is very clinical and matter-of-fact. These "girls" he is seeing are just files and reports and work. He doesn't know their personalities - and I doubt that sometimes he even remembers their names. In your mind, they are young, sexual women and you can't compete with that because you are making them something in your mind that doesn't exist in his. If you can't separate yourself from that fact, you should leave him because you will never feel secure in your relationship with him by comparing yourself to his job. Also, he could lose his license if he even considered dating a patient. He knows this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ar1234 Posted September 29, 2012 Author Share Posted September 29, 2012 Thank you. I feel my biggest problem is that I find it hard to believe that he can differentiate between naked women in his office and otherwise. He is a woman watcher. Always notices attractive women wherever we are and admits he appreciates the female form. So, I find it hard to believe that he can go from admiring women to seeing them naked in his office and can distinquish between it. I know that he can, as most physicians can. I just need to understand and believe that he can. It is hard though. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 He is a pediatrician seeing patients up to the age of 21. Is he a pediatrician or an ObGYN? I'm surprised you said he does the pelvic/breast exam - that is usually referred to an ObGYN, not done by a pediatrician (who care for babies). Link to post Share on other sites
Author ar1234 Posted September 29, 2012 Author Share Posted September 29, 2012 He is a pediatrician who sees patients up to the age of 21. Many of them from the age 14 and up request birth control and therefore the pelvic exams come into play. When he does a complete physical, then the breast exams come into play as well. He seems to literally have to kick his patients out at the age of 21. Most seem to want to stay. I, on the otherhand, took my kids to a general doctor when they were about 13. When we started dating, I had no idea he saw patients up to that age. I was nieve. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 I would bet that a female nurse must be in the room with him ? Do you think he wants to start having sex with his patients ? I know my wife has a male gyno.. who cares.. the guy is a Doctor and there for her and her health. I think you should just talk to him more about it and let him reassure you that he is all professional.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ar1234 Posted September 29, 2012 Author Share Posted September 29, 2012 No, I don't think he wants to have sex with them....not at all. I just can't help but to think that he has that....enjoy the view....attitude. I have tried to talk with him, but he doesn't seem to get it. He cuts the conversation short and tells me I am nuts. So, then I just give up cause I feel stupid and I can tell he doesn't understand. He even makes stupid (0r stupid to me at least) statements, like....I see naked bodies all day long and you have a great body. Compliment is there, but to me it is hidden under stupid talking. I have asked him to not mention anything about his patients to me or talk about that at all. For the most part he tries, but forgets periodically. I was just hoping someone had some advice on how to handle this. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 How you handle it just tell yourself your nuts and blow it off.... We all have entertained the odd thought on occasion and when we do that is exactly what I have told myself.." What the heck is wrong with me.. forget about it".. and I do... Don't you have a Gyno ? is it a male ? then you would understand that the Doctor doesn't see a sex object but a human and he is treating that person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ar1234 Posted September 29, 2012 Author Share Posted September 29, 2012 thanks. and you are right. Just blow it off. I have been doing that now for a long time, just every once in a while it gets to me again. I'll blow it off again and go back to thinking I am just a nut. Thanks again!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jcrew11 Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 What is your age and are you divorced with kids? What is your occupation? I think you feel insecure and intimidated because you have a rich doctor boyfriend, and you are afraid you will lose him to a hotter and younger female. Perhaps you are seeking an engagement or marriage to calm your fears, or they may never go away. Its his profession and career, you can't stop him from performing his duties. If you really aren't comfortable dating a doctor, then that is your problem, and you should dump him and find a boyfriend who only works with men. The fear of cheating is very real, and its based on opportunity. A straight male working in a female industry would have more opportunities to cheat than a male working in a male dominated industry. Link to post Share on other sites
pinton Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 (edited) I think you feel insecure and intimidated because you have a rich doctor boyfriend, and you are afraid you will lose him to a hotter and younger female. yep, i totally agree, i think she is most definately scared that she will lose him, and this all gets back to my posts earlier about her insecurity, and feeling insecure encompasses so many different feelings, and this lady is showing all the typical signs of insecurity, which ultimately leads to jealousy, which ultimately leads to the death of a relationship. my wife and i openly comment about how nice or hot someone of the opposite sex looks when we are out and about, or watching tv, and often use it as a form of teasing each other, and for us, it is a very healthy sign i think that our relationship is strong and built on trust for each other. if you get upset and feel insecure because your partner comments about other women, or because he looks at womens bodies all day and you think he might be making comparisons to you, then you need to seek some help from someone to help you overcome these feelings. Edited September 30, 2012 by pinton Link to post Share on other sites
pinton Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 You are SEXUALIZING his profession. For him, it is very clinical and matter-of-fact. These "girls" he is seeing are just files and reports and work. He doesn't know their personalities - and I doubt that sometimes he even remembers their names. i wasnt going to mention this, but i guess it is kind of relevant to this topic in a fashion, because it deals with contact with members of the opposite sex. anyway, my wife and i have been practicing massage for about 5 years now (both therapeutic and sensual) and we have given lots of different types of massage to many of my wifes female friends, and to other women who were referred to us by them, and a lot of the massages were actually performed by me, or by both of us together, and my wife has never been insecure or bothered at all about me doing massage on these women, even if some of them did have a nice body or was good looking, to us, its just something we do because we love practicing massage. if my wife ever started giving me negative feelings about doing massage, or she started to become uncomfortable about me massaging other women, i would know that something has changed in our relationship to make her feel that way, and would need to find a way to deal with it. so far its all been great, however she has never massaged other men before, so i cant offer any thoughts about how i would feel with her giving men massages, only to say that i personally am not bothered if she did start the practice, because we trust each other, however its the guys she massages that i would have much less trust for, if you know what i mean would we, or wouls i stop doing massage on other women altogether if insecurity or jealousy crept into the equation, well im not sure, i guess we deal with it if and when it ever happens cheers Link to post Share on other sites
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