yes Posted March 6, 2004 Share Posted March 6, 2004 i realize that it's not necessary to make a choice of one or the other, but it seems it is necessary to put them in an order of priority ... what would yours be? i think i'd put people who matter to me ahead of everything else; if i'm alone, i'll focus on my career and claim it's all that matters, but it'd be a cope-out. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted March 6, 2004 Share Posted March 6, 2004 For me, school and career are a neccesity. Relationships are a luxury. I would have to say school and career come first. All the rest come second. ~V Link to post Share on other sites
Helpme2004 Posted March 6, 2004 Share Posted March 6, 2004 You need an education and a career to have a healthy relationship.But thats my opinion otheres may vary... Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted March 6, 2004 Share Posted March 6, 2004 A job's a job. Some people put too much focus on them. There's ALWAYS a job out there, somewhere, somehow, but finding the right person...that's a bit more of a challenge. But that's just me. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 6, 2004 Share Posted March 6, 2004 I have never had a craving for a career in particular. There never has been one single thing that drew me more than all others; for which I had a burning passion. So every time the decision had to be made between devoting time to people in my life or to career stuff, the people won out. I don't mean I didn't do the job well or that I was irresponsible in any way, but job/career has never been my sole or overriding focus. I've known too many people to give their hearts and souls to some organization for years only to be laid off - and crushed - because the company needed to lay folks off. NO job will offer you loyalty or love or anything truly important; people will. Now, if you're the sort of person with a passion for architecture or nursing or one of the professions and that passion is one of your main motivations in life, maybe I can see devoting more of your energy to it, but still, in the end, it's people who matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted March 6, 2004 Author Share Posted March 6, 2004 in fact, i think many of those insanely dedicated to their career draw inspiration from their personal lives - and it's like the chicken&egg question. also, some others who're very dedicated are like i will be if i end up alone - just hiding their misery in it. yet others have intimacy issues and run from people by buring their heads in their jobs. just some thoughts, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 6, 2004 Share Posted March 6, 2004 many of those insanely dedicated to their career draw inspiration from their personal lives Nope. Actually, often they may have a form of OCD. I've met a couple top-end execs who have plenty of bucks and could retire in a minute and live happily forever and they still work their butts off. They don't gain any pleasure from what they've earned, really. They are DRIVEN to always compete more and win again. In fact, I read an interview in which the CEO of Viacom (HUMUNGO entertainment mega-organization) still lives in the same house, etc. All he wants to do is win. He said it in that many words. It has nothing to do with any sort of inspiration; it's a compulsion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted March 6, 2004 Author Share Posted March 6, 2004 the type that i had in mind was people with an artistic vocation, i guess. that's interesting info about top-execs - must be scary to be compulsed to keep on competing and winning... holy. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
peaches1234 Posted March 6, 2004 Share Posted March 6, 2004 I personally choose to put my loved ones above my job. However, jobs can make so much difference to the world outside of one's personal relationships. Many people draw a sense of self worth from the work that they do. While I'm a firm believer that you have to put a lot of time and effort into a relationship, I also believe that relationships should not be the only thing that matters in this world. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 6, 2004 Share Posted March 6, 2004 I also believe that relationships should not be the only thing that matters in this world. I don't believe anyone suggested they should. Link to post Share on other sites
peaches1234 Posted March 6, 2004 Share Posted March 6, 2004 Originally posted by moimeme but still, in the end, it's people who matter. That's how I interpreted this part of your post. Misunderstanding on my behalf. My apologies. Link to post Share on other sites
NotaBadGuy Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 Where is the breaking point between one who is considered DRIVEN and one who is considered putting his or her career first? Maybe I am to blame in my own relationships for not placing the proper balance between career and relationship. I wind up doing rather well in all my endeavors in building the foundation for my career, but always wind up losing in the relatioship arena. I just cannot figure it out. I want to be there all the time for whoever I am in a relationship with, but at the same time have to deal with the responsibilities of being in school and working. I have been married twice now. I am not even 30. Both women took off on me for other men. I am not a bad looking guy from what I am told. I am two months away from graduating from graduate school. I am a very laid back, caring, loyal, ect... person. The main complaint from both women was that I was not around enough/as much as I should have been and that my number one priority was not them - instead was school or career. That was not how it was at all either. I guess I have so much to learn after all. Now that I think about it, I have no idea what I'm talking about. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 It should be my schooling but i tend to let my drive for girls control me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted March 7, 2004 Author Share Posted March 7, 2004 i've spoken to a graduate student i know about this. he said he tried dating non-career-oriented ppl and it just wouldn't work precisely for that reason - they felt he wasn't around enough and that he was too into his studies. now he's married to another career-oriented girl, and they get along very well - both busy with their work and spending time together inbetween. good luck, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 i'd say relationships are more important to me than work. Yes we all need to eat, and pay our bills....if we dont work how will we survive? but there are tons of jobs out there, if you lose one you can always look elsewhere. but family and friendships and loved ones, these take time to build. family if of all else highest priority. you can always make new friends. but i'd say all in all, you need to find a balance between work & relationships. one wont really work w/o the other we are human, we still need human contact. no one wants to be alone right? Link to post Share on other sites
NotaBadGuy Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 Yes, I know what you are saying. The first wife was not career oriented. I knew and she proabably knew the whole thing should have never happened. It was a low point in my life that I met her and it was fine for some time, but our goals in life were never on the same level. She was pacified with mediocrity and just getting by while I was driven and realized I could only go as far as I took myself. So I worked my tail off. Moved away from her (much drama there). And got my tail back in school and am now 2 months away from graduating from grad school. Now to the second. She was and continues to be a career oriented woman if my understanding of thei terms is the same as what you were meaning. I have/had been in graduate school since we had met. She was also in school (not grad school). Being in the field of study I am, I had to totally commit myself to school. I did, however, find much time for her. Not as much as I would have liked to have given her, but I gave her what I had. We would always get into arguments about how I only wanted to focus so much on my studies but did not need to. The fact was that I did need to. Somewhere along the way I must have placed too much emphasis on school last summer and she reacted by emotionally shutting me out and moving on to another man. She remains in school(as far as I know). So I guess my point is that I thought we were both career oriented persons. I know I took and continue to take my education more seriously, but I always thought we were trying to obtain similar goals. I guess its back to the drawing board. Guess I am the fool here. Although at this point in time it is how I chose to deal with things, I have asked anyone who she may run into that I know to tell her I am dead because she is dead to me. Pretty harsh I know, but the way in which she betrayed me cut at the foundation of my integrity. Since she left I have not contacted her nor have I tried to figure out where she is or who she is with. Like I said, she is dead to me. Sorry for rolling off onto this sidebar. I appologize. Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 Originally posted by yes the type that i had in mind was people with an artistic vocation, i guess. .... in fact, i think many of those insanely dedicated to their career draw inspiration from their personal lives - and it's like the chicken&egg question. Chicken - egg indeed! Yet the second quote may have answered the question in the first one. When people ask me what I do, I now tell them "data entry by trade, rock photographer by passion". Personally I wouldn't care if I worked at a gas station - heck, my first job out of high school was night shift at a 7-11 downtown, which is an education in and of itself! The thing is, slogging in the corporate world pays the rent and bills and leaves me a bit left for things like film, camera eauipment and so on. Also, the insurance got my teeth fxed last summer, got my new glasses last fall, and will be paying for my upcoming eye surgery. Before the eye trouble started I was actually planning on going back to school. I never went to college, although I put myself through travel agent school while working about 20 years ago. I may be able to go into the "artistic vocation"query further by way of PM - I tried to send you one earlier but (wouldnt you know? ) my wretched computer booted me in mid-stream again! Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted March 7, 2004 Author Share Posted March 7, 2004 about your second wife. being in school doesn't mean being career-oriented... many people want a decent job, but still don't see it as the main focus of their lives. for them, seeing someone they love focus on his studies/work is very painful, because they feel like they're gettign the 2nd place in his priority list. that's my guess. best of luck! -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted March 7, 2004 Author Share Posted March 7, 2004 PM me at a later time if you feel like it! a famous singer from the country i was born in said something like: "happy is the one who can earn a living with his favourite hobby, and dedicate himself to his vocation" -yes Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 Took me a long time to type it as I am still of my first cup of coffee of the day! Link to post Share on other sites
mintjulep Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 I think that you need to have a healthy balance between both. Sometimes, when a relationship is in need of attention, it needs to have priority over everything else in your life. Other times, when your job needs your focus, your relationship will need to go on the back burner - a healthy relationship will have one person's understanding when that happens. If you aren't happy with the way your life is headed career-wise, it's going to be hard to be happy with someone else. I know of people who put work first for years and are having trouble dating now that they desperately want someone. On the same token, I know of people who have someone, but no job, and even though they are miserable career-wise, don't know what they would do without the love and support of someone else (they're probably lucky, though - some people might leave in these situations. Fortunately, I don't know of any of those) Link to post Share on other sites
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