villageman Posted July 26, 2012 Share Posted July 26, 2012 When is it time to just give up? I am 30 years old, and have never had a relationship longer than 2 years. My last one ended in a disaster. I can't really imagine ever getting into another relationship again. Has anyone ever felt this way, and did it get better, or is it just time for me to accept that I'm going to be single? Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted July 26, 2012 Share Posted July 26, 2012 When is it time to just give up? I am 30 years old, and have never had a relationship longer than 2 years. My last one ended in a disaster. I can't really imagine ever getting into another relationship again. Has anyone ever felt this way, and did it get better, or is it just time for me to accept that I'm going to be single? You should only ever accept the things you cannot change.Being Single is able to be changed.One relationship ended in disaster.Heres a fact when most relationships end it is hardly ever mutual and hardly ever not tragic.Someone ends up hurt.So it was you this time and next time you dont know if it will happen again.....I would take some time to yourself..... look at singularity as a transition and not a permanent state....the glass is always half full not half empty there are a lot of should I throw in the towel threads....count them.....that's how many people feel the same both male and female..you are not thinking any differently...and i think i have skidded and smashed into every towel thread and said similar things.... you have to take time and make it your friend, you have to do things for you, surround your self with everything that you enjoy in life and that included friends you don't have to throw that towel in, you just have to wash it clean and leave it to dry for a while... if you have always wanted to go somewhere now is the time, if you have always wanted to try something, do something' be something do it and treat yourself...and if you really want to feel good get out there and help someone who needs it put hope into someone else's existence..millions of people out there who struggle and who are worse off than you ...... do things that you cant in a relationship take some time out....... when you have fresh perspective and a refreshed outlook that makes you look forward to waking up tomorrow thats the time to start dating again....there are no time limits there's no pressure and nothing to prove to anyone....you just have to live your life....hope is free to give....so read the samples of hope i have posted to you..... I do believe you will find your own......best wishes...happy trails.....deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Plan 9 from OS Posted July 26, 2012 Share Posted July 26, 2012 No one should have to throw in the towel when it comes to relationships unless they are happy not having anyone else in their life. But if you are looking for more advice than just a simple yes/no answer, then you should share some of the woes you've been going through in your relationships. Do your GFs ever tell you why they break up with you (assuming you've been dumped the last couple of relationships)? Maybe there's something you need to work on for yourself before you try to get into another long term relationship like improving your self esteem, learning to be more trusting, being more in touch with your feelings, etc. You may get more help if you open up to the forum and let us know why you think your LTRs always end in disaster. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author villageman Posted July 26, 2012 Author Share Posted July 26, 2012 Specifics... well, I think my problems are mainly that I suck at being a good boyfriend. Mainly because I'm selfish. My first serious relationship was in college, for a little over 2 years, with a really nice girl who loved me deeply, and I took her for granted, started to nitpick about little things about how she looked or acted, withdrew emotionally, and she eventually broke up with me. In this case, it was probably for the best in the end anyways, as I don't think we were a good match for the long run, but the way the relationship ended was not very healthy, and I think it hurt her quite a bit. But whatever, it was my first, big, serious relationship, and I was bound to make mistakes. Next time, I'm in a different country a few years later working as an English teacher. I think I did a better job in this relationship than I did in the first one. It was never as serious an this one ended mostly due to life pulling the two of us in different directions. But fast forward to the next one, when I'm 28, meet an amazing girl, super kind, gorgeous, just awesome, we move in together, and I do almost exactly the same thing that I did with my first girlfriend. After she left me, looking back, it was almost uncanny how similarly I acted in both relationships. Selfish, emotionally withdrawn, taking them for granted, and shortly after I turned 30, this girlfriend left too. So I wonder, maybe this is just who I am, and I'm just not someone who's meant to be in a relationship, even though I'd very much like to be. On top of this, I've been living abroad for most of the time, and am now in grad school, so I'm broke again. I'll be 31 when I get out, and need a couple of years to reestablish myself... which also seems to make even getting into a relationship all that much more difficult Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 Well there's 3 things in your favour that I can see. 1. You have had a number of past successes and the girls in question sounded pretty damn good (amazing girl, super kind, gorgeous, just awesome). Its not like you have had to really lower your standards to get just any girl. 2. You seem to have an insight into what you have done wrong in the past. Thats an advantage going forward...but only if you want to change. Its not like some others on LS who dont seem to have any options at finding someone they like. You can so you are not being forced to throw in the towel. 3. You are still young and can find plenty of desirable women to settle down with (despite student debts). Its up to you, what you find greater happiness in, being "Selfish, emotionally withdrawn, taking them for granted" or having a loving gf. Your destiny is in your hands to a greater extent than it is for others here, who might need a total physical & personality makeover to make them more appealing to get someone to say yes to go on date with, just to begin with. What makes you happier more...curling up in bed with a cute gf or being selfish and having to not care for anyone but yourself? (not saying the later is bad, if its just you) Link to post Share on other sites
EasyHeart Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 Throw in the towel??? WTF? Dating doesn't even start getting fun for men until we're in our 30s. Relax. Link to post Share on other sites
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