Lust Destroys Love

[starryeyed12]

I had a revelation tonight. I've thought about this issue for years now, and gone back and forth in my views. But I feel incredibly certain tonight in way I never have before. Even though I feel like I have been a hypocrite at times and like, "who am I to share this," I feel compelled. So here it goes.

 

Lust destroys love.

 

The most obvious examples of this would be the lust found in adultery and the damage done to self and others. We've all heard the stories and seen the shows. The reasons behind this example can be endless, but nonetheless, it's an example of lust destroying love that most people can agree on.

 

The more tricky example is porn. Is it okay or isn't it? Is it lust or just sexuality?

 

I would argue it is most often lust.

 

The Catholic church lists lust as one of the seven mostly deadly sins. I'm starting to understand why. It is because lust is powerful. It destroys love and our ability to truly love ourself and others.

 

The world we live in today is full of lust and people telling us that's okay. With porn, we are lusting after the bodies of another for selfish pleasure. It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt, including the user.

 

When in a monogamous sexual relationship, the lust driven world we live in today sends the message, "I am not enough." I cannot provide the variety and pleasure to have my partner resist the temptation of lust. No one man or woman could ever be enough when the variety of porn is so readily available and free for use. I guess that's the world we live in and I have to suck it up and accept that. It doesn't make me feel special or beautiful or loved. But what can I do? Lust is too powerful that most people cannot resist in the world we live in today.

 

Lust is a loss of control. It's something most people can't resist because it takes discipline. Discipline most don't feel they should have to learn and practice because why should they when its so easy to access and so seemingly harmless?

 

But it is not harmless. Lust destroys love. Real love has no room for lust. Lust feels good and is easy, but real love is a feeling matched by no other. The work love involves, the discipline-- it makes people better, stronger, happier, more generous and kind. Love's message is, "I am enough." When I start to believe that I am enough, I start to feel the power of real love. *When you start to treat people as though they are enough, you open the door to real love for yourself and others.

 

Porn is lust and lust destroys love.

 

If you want to experience real love then you have to practice the discipline of controlling lust.

Edited July 18, 2012 by starryeyed12

[irin]

such a great post.

[starryeyed12]

I truly wish more people could understand this concept. There's so much pain, hurt, anger, resentment, isolation and shame involved with lust. People forget that when controlled by its fleeting moments of pleasure. It's such a hollow, empty practice made so much worse when in a monagomous sexual relationship. I don't care how strong a relationship you think you have, when you practice lust, you chip away at love. Love has no room for lust.

[xxoo]

Fundamental flaw in your argument: lust and love can coexist in a loving relationship with great sexual chemistry.

[starryeyed12]

Fundamental flaw in your argument: lust and love can coexist in a loving relationship with great sexual chemistry.

 

That's not lust. That's called passion.

[starryeyed12]

That's probably one of the biggest misconceptions out there.

 

Lust is not a positive thing. Lust is selfish and empty.

 

Passion and love can absolutely coexist in a heathy sexual relationship. In fact, passion can healthily exist in other areas of your life. It often fuels a goal and pushes people to achieve positive things beyond themselves. We need passion.

 

Passion is not lust.

[xxoo]

That's probably one of the biggest misconceptions out there.

 

Lust is not a positive thing. Lust is selfish and empty.

 

Is there no value to a selfish, empty pleasure in reasonable portions?

 

I've got love and passion. But I've also got delicious moments of selfish lust--for him, and sometimes for others--that make life more interesting and pleasurable.

[starryeyed12]

Is there no value to a selfish, empty pleasure in reasonable portions?

 

I've got love and passion. But I've also got delicious moments of selfish lust--for him, and sometimes for others--that make life more interesting and pleasurable.

 

There is no real value in your lusting.

 

Lust is a fleeting, intoxicating pleasure that is void of love and selfish in nature. It can be dangerous to people's health and well being.

 

I can try cocaine every once and a while to feel a rush and a high. Does that make me a druggie? Does doing it every once and a while make it healthy and less dangerous? Since I only do it once and a while and it gives me such a good high, does cocaine then have great value?

 

I would argue that cocaine is a dangerous substance and playing with it once and a while can cause unforeseen damages now and down the road.

 

I feel the same about lust.

[starryeyed12]

Having a relationship void of lust is not a boring, mundane thing.

 

Love is enough. Love is being enough for yourself and others. Love fills you up and gives you such strength and security, that its positive nature floods over into other aspects of your life enriching them as well.

 

Love requires work and discipline. The more you build the muscle, the stronger and easier things become. And another thing: work is a blessing.

[ThaWholigan]

Having a relationship void of lust is not a boring, mundane thing.

 

Love is enough. Love is being enough for yourself and others. Love fills you up and gives you such strength and security, that its positive nature floods over into other aspects of your life enriching them as well.

 

Love requires work and discipline. The more you build the muscle, the stronger and easier things become. And another thing: work is a blessing.

This works for you. You cannot assume that it works for everyone else. I would argue that loving someone requires different things of different people.

[Robert Z]

I truly wish more people could understand this concept. There's so much pain, hurt, anger, resentment, isolation and shame involved with lust. People forget that when controlled by its fleeting moments of pleasure. It's such a hollow, empty practice made so much worse when in a monagomous sexual relationship. I don't care how strong a relationship you think you have, when you practice lust, you chip away at love. Love has no room for lust.

 

If so many people are driven by lust as you describe it, then why would you need to tell anyone else? You wish people could understand the pain, hurt, anger, resentment, isolation and shame? If so many people are experiencing these things, what gives you a unique insight? Have you considered that not everyone feels the same way? Perhaps you have a distorted view of human sexuality and feel an unnatural shame.

 

Sex is physical and mental. Love is a state of mind. For men, lust is nothing but the genetic drive to spread our seed, as we were designed to do. I don't feel shame or guilt for being human.

 

I am responsible for my actions, which is why I never cheated on my wife.

[starryeyed12]

This works for you. You cannot assume that it works for everyone else. I would argue that loving someone requires different things of different people.

 

We're in complete agreement that it can require different work from one relationship to another-- none of these things ever being lust.

[starryeyed12]

If so many people are driven by lust as you describe it, then why would you need to tell anyone else? You wish people could understand the pain, hurt, anger, resentment, isolation and shame? If so many people are experiencing these things, what gives you a unique insight? Have you considered that not everyone feels the same way? Perhaps you have a distorted view of human sexuality and feel an unnatural shame.

 

Sex is physical and mental. Love is a state of mind. For men, lust is nothing but the genetic drive to spread our seed, as we were designed to do. I don't feel shame or guilt for being human.

 

I am responsible for my actions, which is why I never cheated on my wife.

 

I want people to understand that lust is dangerous. It starts off as loss of control in momentary pleasure and can often lead to aforementioned feelings-shame, regret, isolation, etc.

 

Human sexuality is not lust.

 

The complexity of our human sexuality is beautiful, precious, and a gift our species has that that sets us apart from most others. We need to be careful with it and not confuse it with lust.

 

You should not feel shame for your sexuality. Sexuality is not lust. Passion is not lust.

 

Lust has no positive value.

[january2011]

In a monogamous relationship, I don't see how lust is a bad thing. I suspect that anyone who has ever been "in lust" has found that it's not sustainable at a high level for an extended period of time. However, in small bursts, it is possible to have intervals of lust that help to strengthen the bonds in a relationship - in LDRs, for example.

 

I would also argue that a lust for knowledge, for example, may be a good thing. And has led to many scientific breakthroughs that wouldn't otherwise have come about if it weren't for certain individuals' "need to know."

 

Assuming a normal healthy adult as a baseline, I don't think that having a temporary intense emotion in and of itself is necessarily a bad thing. Where it can become good or bad is how one acts upon that emotion. Those actions generate consequences.

 

I must admit that I'm a bit leery when "The Catholic Church" is mentioned in an OP. Beyond, "be a good person," I'm not sure I'm comfortable with religion prescribing how people should conduct their relationships in the modern world.

[ThaWholigan]

We're in complete agreement that it can require different work from one relationship to another-- none of these things ever being lust.

You seem to be denigrating people's ability to handle lust responsibly, or that people or couples are comfortable with their lust and it doesn't cause them pain or suffering. I would find that insulting if I cared.

 

Lust can be the very thing that drives two people to be together. You may call that passion, but I would call that lust.

 

You also appear to be religious considering you quoted the Catholic Church (correct if assumption is wrong). Consider that not everyone holds the same views on love and lust, or that it destroys one or the other.

[starryeyed12]

In a monogamous relationship, I don't see how lust is a bad thing. I suspect that anyone who has ever been "in lust" has found that it's not sustainable at a high level for an extended period of time. However, in small bursts, it is possible to have intervals of lust that help to strengthen the bonds in a relationship - in LDRs, for example.

 

I would also argue that a lust for knowledge, for example, may be a good thing. And has led to many scientific breakthroughs that wouldn't otherwise have come about if it weren't for certain individuals' "need to know."

 

Assuming a normal healthy adult as a baseline, I don't think that having a temporary intense emotion in and of itself is necessarily a bad thing. Where it can become good or bad is how one acts upon that emotion. Those actions generate consequences.

 

I must admit that I'm a bit leery when "The Catholic Church" is mentioned in an OP. Beyond, "be a good person," I'm not sure I'm comfortable with religion prescribing how people should conduct their relationships in the modern world.

 

Your definition of lust is not what I am talking about. Your definition sounds a lot more like passion. Passion is not lust.

[starryeyed12]

You seem to be denigrating people's ability to handle lust responsibly, or that people or couples are comfortable with their lust and it doesn't cause them pain or suffering. I would find that insulting if I cared.

 

Lust can be the very thing that drives two people to be together. You may call that passion, but I would call that lust.

 

You also appear to be religious considering you quoted the Catholic Church (correct if assumption is wrong). Consider that not everyone holds the same views on love and lust, or that it destroys one or the other.

 

Then we can end our discussion here. Because what you are describing isn't lust in my opinion. Once again, passion and lust are two very different things in my book. I've tried to clearly distinguish the differences- in my first post especially.

 

Thank you for your comments though.

[january2011]

Your definition of lust is not what I am talking about. Your definition sounds a lot more like passion. Passion is not lust.

 

Here are some references that I found on the net:

 

Lust - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

Lust - Definition and More from the Free Merriam-Webster Dictionary

 

http://oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/lust

 

Both Wikipedia and Merriam-Webster consider lust to be an intense desire and allow broad definitions that are not limited to sexual desire. Only the Oxford defines it solely as sexual desire. Both M-W and Oxford consider it synonymous with passion.

 

It would be interesting to hear how you distinguish between passion and lust, since your definition appears contrary to what is stated by these authorities.

[starryeyed12]

That's probably one of the biggest misconceptions out there.

 

Lust is not a positive thing. Lust is selfish and empty.

 

Passion and love can absolutely coexist in a heathy sexual relationship. In fact, passion can healthily exist in other areas of your life. It often fuels a goal and pushes people to achieve positive things beyond themselves. We need passion.

 

Passion is not lust.

 

January,

 

Remember when I said this? This is part of my definition of passion.

 

If your definition of lust is the same as mine is for passion, then what word do you use to describe when passion "goes wrong" in a sense (my view of lust, ie. the negative action, emotion, etc.)? Can it be a single word, like lust, in your view?

[starryeyed12]

Here are some references that I found on the net:

 

Lust - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

Lust - Definition and More from the Free Merriam-Webster Dictionary

 

Definition of lust - Oxford Dictionaries (British & World English)

 

Both Wikipedia and Merriam-Webster consider lust to be an intense desire and allow broad definitions that are not limited to sexual desire. Only the Oxford defines it solely as sexual desire. Both M-W and Oxford consider it synonymous with passion.

 

It would be interesting to hear how you distinguish between passion and lust, since your definition appears contrary to what is stated by these authorities.

 

Like I mentioned in my first post, I have been thinking about this for years and it has only just dawned on me this revelation of sorts.

 

That said, my definition lust has extremely negative connotations. It is destructive to love. Not love's opposite, but corrosive.

 

I have to go for now, but would love to explore the ideas further. Thanks for the replies!

[january2011]

January,

 

Remember when I said this? This is part of my definition of passion.

 

If your definition of lust is the same as mine is for passion, then what word do you use to describe when passion "goes wrong" in a sense (my view of lust, ie. the negative action, emotion, etc.)? Can it be a single word, like lust, in your view?

 

Okay, so what you're saying is that they are both sides of the same coin: passion = positive and lust = negative?

 

I see them as the same thing. As I said in my previous post, I don't think the emotions in themselves are negative/positive. What is negative/positive is what happens when the person feeling the emotion acts upon that emotion, resulting in consequences that are negative/positive.

[starryeyed12]

Okay, so what you're saying is that they are both sides of the same coin: passion = positive and lust = negative?

 

I see them as the same thing. As I said in my previous post, I don't think the emotions in themselves are negative/positive. What is negative/positive is what happens when the person feeling the emotion acts upon that emotion, resulting in consequences that are negative/positive.

 

This is great. I want to explore this further. Its not quite adding up on my end exactly, but I need time to materialize my thoughts. I have to go for now. To be continued...

[Brit]

I believe if 2 partners have an extremely strong friendship and respect one another (a strong base) than lust should never even present itself, and if it does, it should not cause any situational problems.

[starryeyed12]

One last thing before I go! lol

 

Lust is an action, not just an emotion.

 

Lust can also lead to emotions, which do have positive or negative effects. I agree that no one emotion is necessarily "bad" or "good," but they can certainly impact your life in either positive or negative ways. Lust has a negative connotation and leads to negative effects.

[todreaminblue]

That's probably one of the biggest misconceptions out there.

 

Lust is not a positive thing. Lust is selfish and empty.

 

Passion and love can absolutely coexist in a heathy sexual relationship. In fact, passion can healthily exist in other areas of your life. It often fuels a goal and pushes people to achieve positive things beyond themselves. We need passion.

 

Passion is not lust.

 

 

Lust is never empty and depends on the person if its selfish or not....

 

 

a baby gave its first lusty cry .....a warriors call to the brightness of the lights that beckoned him to imprint his birth onto his mothers heart a permanent reminder to a new mother a celebration of love and life was heard through that single lusty cry..... ......doesnt sound selfish to me or empty.....the cup is full and it feeds the mother the father the nurses the doctors who can breath now that lusty cry is done.... ....its all in context and all positive....

You can have lust for life.....i have lust for laughter......i have lust for love life and laughter......lust is a deep rooted emotion that is complex and can be used in many contexts.....

lust can be positive or negative,

...the negative concept is determined by people and selfishness is determined by the individual and what they have a lust for......lust shouldnt have a bad rap sheet .....people are the ones who decide to be negative......you know what monty python would sing....here's cheers to monty........gotta love the python such a lust for oddball goofy movies......