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Emotionally Abusive Relationship


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Heyzelidgurl

I just recently left my abusive relationship. We were together off and on for almost 2 years, however I couldn't put my finger on what was going on with this man I just knew something wasn't right. At first I thought he was a dream come true. He bought me everything, was very attentive, very good looking, great to my son, hardworking, just a all around great guy.

Shortly after dating a few months he moved in with me. I didn't think it was too fast, at the time I just wanted this "great guy" to be with me. About 3 months in the relationship there were changes, extreme jealousy, he became paranoid if I didn't answer my phone when he called. He even bought me a ring to put on my ring finger to "keep the guys away". Little things I liked doing became a chore. I loved to walk but of course in his mind I was walking to get attention. He began to accompany me everywhere I went. I was constantly accused if cheating. According to him he had been cheated on by BOTH his wives and that was his cause for insecurity. I overlooked all of these things.

Simple questions were cause to get yelled at. I isolated all of my friends because he made it impossible to deal with any of them. If I got a phone call I was constantly interrupted so the attention was back on him. In between times he became "nice" again. So again I shook off the fact that something wasn't right. We had gotten into a argument and he threatened to leave. I thought my world would end, I loved him so much I just couldn't bear it. So I would eventually go after him so he would come back.

I started noticing his 3 month cycle. Sweet to Angry then he would up and leave. Everytime I would go after him, everytime it became worse and worse. I was belittled, disrespected and felt like nothing. He would hurl insults left and right and of course it was my fault he said them. I would get the silent treatment and ignored and if I felt the need to defend myself he would leave. Trying to explain or talk things out was irrelevant because he was always right.

I began searching the internet after this last episode and came accross "THE LOSER" by Dr. Joe Carver. It outlines controlling men and their characteristcs. My mouth hit the floor as I could NOT believe that he was talking about MY boyfriend. The outlines were so precise it was amazing! So i made up my mind that if he packed up and left again that was it, by this time I was tired, mentally drained and totally fed up with the guessing games. I tried so hard to please him but it was NEVER good enough. Like clockwork he left and that was it for me. At first I panicked, became fearful that he would never speak to me again and started getting depressed. My mind WOULDN'T focus on all the crap he put me through just all the good things few and far between. He called me we chatted briefly but that conversation ended up being about if I were seeing anyone or not. He was STILL trying to control me. I told him not to contact me anymore. I took my power back that day. He became angry, he told me he would never talk to me again. So far he hasn't. There are days where I feel weak and miss him but after stumbling accross this website I get stronger everyday and urges to call are going away. I realize I'm not alone. I realize it wasn't my fault and even though my self esteem is low, he didn't break me! If I had stayed no doubt my message would have been different. These men are cruel and mean and they don't care who they hurt or how they have hurt them. Thank goodness for this website and all the STRONG women who have been through it and are going through it. I will continue to read and become stronger everyday. God Bless you all!!!!:)

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Well done on being one of those " strong women" you mentioned:laugh:

 

You have shown that you will not stand for a guy who treats you badly. When your in love, it is very hard to leave, even a less than ideal relationship. It takes real courage to leave someone you love ( even when it is for the best!)

 

Well done, you should be proud!

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Heyzelidgurl

Thank you so much for the replies! This forum has given me so much encouragement! It is so refreshing to know that "you" are not the crazy one. That this behavior is something real. I hope that someone reading will realize that if I can leave and be ok then they can to! Hard to leave? Yes. Impossible to leave and find you again? No. I am proof.

@ Leigh 87~ I am so very proud! Thank u much!

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