Why are black women left out of the interracial dating game too?

[Jeff]

Someone started a thread about Asian men getting the short end of the stick in interracial dating, so I decided to ask the same thing, but this time, only for black women. Most black women online will claim it is because of the history of racism and loyalty to their culture that prohibits them of imagining a relationship with non-Black men. However, today I got to chat with real black women at work. Some readily admits that they are very open and curious to date non-black men, but that they never get asked or hit upon by non-black men.

 

This leads me to deeper thoughts. Are black women and Asian men just biologically damned when it comes to interracial dating preferences? I am an Asian guy myself and I think we cannot deny the biological and hormonal aspect of mating preferences. This is accentuated when different races are included. Yet, I feel in Asian guys' case, cultural inhibition factors and lack of positive media portrayals also play heavy factors in their lack of romantic appeal.

[yes]

it's true that there're many more black-man&white-woman couples than vice versa, and black-oriental is just a very rare mix either way (at least that's how it is in my city).

 

i think the reason is a mixture of things. many black women are against interracial dating. not many white men seem attracted to black women. many black men seem attracted to white women. many white women (myself included!) are attracted to black men.

 

i'm not sure why this happens, so i guess i'm just confirming that my observations match yours.

 

-yes

[Arabess]

I live in a military area.....and there doesn't seem to be such a 'stigma' on what someone's race is before someone else will ask them out. Maybe it's because they already live together, eat together and wear the same uniform. It just doesn't seem to be much of an issue.....not among friends....nor couples.

 

I would date a guy because I enjoy his company.....it's not a racial call....ever.

[Darkangelism]

My roomate is a guy who is white and he is dating a black women.

[amerikajin]

Now THIS is a discussion.

 

I'm a white guy, but I have to be honest and say that I generally don't find many black women attractive to me. Some black women, of course, are drop-dead gorgeous, and I find myself doing a double take.

 

By now most of you know that I don't always say things that are popular. Well, I'm sure that this post will be among the more controversial, but here goes:

 

I don't find black women attractive because I find I have little in common with the ones I've met. I'm usually more educated than they are. I'm usually in better shape physically. I find that they're headed in a much different direction than I am in life. And I think having grown up in the Deep South, we find ourselves on different sides of just about everything, socially speaking. Is this fair? No. Is part of the problem me? Yes. Am I being closed minded? To some extent, probably so.

 

Let me explain something. I'm not saying whites are inherently superior to blacks - that's not at all what I'm saying. Nor am I saying that there are no educated, intelligent black women out there - I know there are. But I grew up in a part of the country where generations of blacks were oppressed and went without education. I find that I relate hardly at all with the black community, though I find it easier for me to hang out with black men than black women, yet sometimes, I find it easier to do real talking with black women. For what it's worth, I have found a couple of black people with whom I currently work who I consider to be on my level, so to speak. God, I know that sounds arrogant, obnoxious, elitist, and probably racist and maybe it is. I don't mean it to be. It's just in my head.

 

Another thing is, black women intimidate me. There's no woman on this earth stronger than a black woman, and I mean that as a compliment. All the s*** they have to put up with...they have to be.

 

I don't consider myself a racist in the truest sense. I believe that if a black community and white community are given an equal chance, they can produce relatively the same results. But that's not what this particular discussion's about - that's an entirely different thread. This is about why white men aren't attracted to black women, and I've just told you how I see it.

 

If I offended anyone, I deeply apologize.

[amerikajin]

>>>For what it's worth, I have found a couple of black people with whom I currently work who I consider to be on my level, so to speak.<<<

 

I'll just save everyone the trouble. Yes, this was a stupid remark on my part. I didn't mean it the way it was originally written.

 

Of course I've met blacks throughout my life who were "on my level" and then some. I've met black people who outperformed me on tests, in school and on the job, so I didn't mean it as it sounded. I'm talking about the fact - and let's just acknowledge the truth - that many blacks are suffering from the legacy of slavery and Jim Crow, and there is a general disparity in education between the black communities and their white counterparts, though the gap is actually shrinking.

 

Again, I apologize for the idiotic, clumsily worded comment. You've got every right to be pissed if you're black and you've just read this. I'm very sorry.

[look forward]

amerikajin oh my god when i read your comments I had to do a double take and check what century I am living in.. helllooooooooo you do sound racist and yes you have really pissed me off and yes i am a black woman.. who guess what is educated and working as a computer consultant for one of the biggested broadcasting companies in the United Kingdom you might not have heard of it its called the BBC if you havent heard of it maybe your not educated enough!!!!..

 

Plus I have been in a relationship with a white guy for over 7 yrs and throughout my aludt years well I am 25 have been continually approached by men of all origins be it Black, white, asian, oriental or even bloody blue.. but from what your saying that means i must be exceptionally good looking which is also bull cos i am just average looking..

 

What your saying may be just your opinion but I think you are wrong to generalise it to a whole flamin race.. at the end of the day as you say in your own words "I have found a couple of black people with whom I currently work who I consider to be on my level, so to speak" that is so awful I can safely say that I am open minded enough to know that If i meet another guy from Japan I wont brand him with the same label I am branding you because I am obviously more educated enough to know that not everybody thinks like you...

 

This debate is interesting but id just like to say in my case as a black woman I am attracted to whoever I am attracted to its called me being a woman and them being a man if they rock my boat thats all that matters colour isn't an issue for me its sad to see that in the century we live in today it still is for so many people..

[asdfg]

As a white guy, I will have to say that the 3 main reasons many men dont go for black women is

 

 

1. Many black women tend to be overweight, especially when they get older. Plus most men arent too fond of females with thick bones, thats why men love asian women

 

2. Many black women seem to act very masculine. Men want women who are strong but not women who are gonna be arm wrestling and fighting with them.

 

3. In terms of looks, majority of black women are in my opinion just flat out ugly. I have seen very few good looking black women and i live in new york city wheres theres plenty of black women. Most asian females i see are above average, and white / latino women are average, but most black women who look good are usually mixed with other ethnicities and just call themselves black.

[Reckless]

Generalizations are ALWAYS messy but there's no getting away from the fact that in North America at least there is a large cultural, economic and educational divide that falls more or less along ethnic lines with the African American males doing worst of all, closely followed by black women. For a white middle classed professional to say he does not finds few black women to be up to his standard, is a lamentable but understandable reflection on the imbalance that can't be denied in American society (especially I'd think in the deep South; this is not the case in the UK for example where the Africans are the highest educated ethnic minority group there, probably followed by the asians...); the top ranks of corporate America just don't have enough black women to make this not so.

 

As for how attractive one race finds another that is mostly due to exposure and personal tastes. There are a fair amount of interracial couples when the different races rub shoulders (and other body parts - you can bet 50 white men and 50 black women on a desert island would be getting it down before the coconuts drop). Still, some men are just never going to find black skin, afro hair or any of the other features of a black woman attractive (generally wider hips and often (no not always) a heavier set). Others will find it fantastically appealing (all that mixed blood in the Southern states of America wasn't mixed up in a laboratory).

 

Politically I don't think a European can appreciate how charged this issue is in America; interracial couples are much more common in 'old Europe' and although I see, as has been stated more black male to white female couples here that's probably because a LOT of black men find white women very attractive. Also black professional men tend to marry white further narrowing the pickings for an educated black woman wanting to find someone of the same race.

 

I thought it interesting that black womens general strength of character is found by some to be intimidating. It puts me in mind of the discussion on oriental women and the appeal their general air of submissiveness has. I think it's somewhat of a paradox that the very qualities that were needed for survival in a predominantly white society, renders the black woman unattractive to some in the very society in which they struggle to survive. Nevertheless, it is a fact that a lot of black families are matriarchs and the strong black woman holding it all together often without the help of male is not a rarity.

 

To be non PC about it, a lot of black women (secretly) laugh at how 'wimpy' white girls can be (they do tend to cry an awful lot compared to us...) but I wonder who laughs last when the chips are down and the wedding dresses are on. Just as the woman that has to fight in the professional world might find it hard to stop fighting when she gets home, I think that many black women just don't have the luxury of showing vulnerability (which can be very attractive to a man) in a world that does them no favors and some (I say SOME, not all) fail to display that elusive 'softness' that is essentially feminine (oooh I'm gonna get blasted for this paragraph).

 

Anyway, although Halle Berry won't be last in the picking order anytime soon and I... ehem, I mean....an intelligent beautiful black woman can pretty much have anyone she choses, for various reasons yep, the black woman is romantically at a slight disadvantage to her fairer skinned sisters. So what else is new?...

 

ps. asdfg, thank you so much for your input, most enlightening...

[asdfg]

Originally posted by Reckless

 

ps. asdfg, thank you so much for your input, most enlightening...

 

 

 

 

 

hehe im just stating the obvious, im sure most men feel the way i do, but dont want to be as blunt.

[Darkangelism]

Originally posted by asdfg

 

 

 

 

 

 

hehe im just stating the obvious, im sure most men feel the way i do, but dont want to be as blunt.

 

 

Most guys don't feel the way you do. Most guys see some black women as pretty others as not, just like any other race.

 

 

You probably think that all black people love fried chicken

[Jeff]

I think history, social status, wealth and education are secondary matters. Otherwise, how would you explain the attractiveness of black men in the eyes of white and a lot of non-black women, while you practically see little romantic interaction between black women with white men or other non-black men? I think the arguement goes true for the Asian gender disparity in interracial unions. In Europe, Canada, Australia, you observe the same trends. Of course there are exceptions to the rule, but generally I see this pattern.

 

I think we shouldn't lie to ourselves that interracial love is not colorblind and we are attracted to who is the most masculine or most feminine. Things won't change until people really looks for what is on the "inside" of a person rather than the "outside."

[amerikajin]

>>>amerikajin oh my god when i read your comments I had to do a double take and check what century I am living in.. helllooooooooo you do sound racist and yes you have really pissed me off and yes i am a black woman.. who guess what is educated and working as a computer consultant for one of the biggested broadcasting companies in the United Kingdom you might not have heard of it its called the BBC if you havent heard of it maybe your not educated enough!!!!..<<<

 

I certainly understand how you'd be pissed, and I'm sorry. I'm trying to explain this as clearly as I can. I've honestly never thought of myself as a racist, though like all people, I suffer from the tendency to make some generalizations sometimes without realizing their implications.

 

Reckless explained what I was trying to say. I'm simply referring to the blacks whom I've met, having grown up in one of the most regressive cultures when it comes to race relations. I grew up in a place where the word "n_gger" is used regularly (I don't use it myself). I'm saying that our culture has created a difference between my community and the black community, and I realize it's not fair, but that's the way it is. At the end of the day, I still go after women who are educated, career-oriented and health-conscious. The fact is, I have rarely found black women in the Deep South who meet the criteria well enough to attract me. You'd probably have to come to one of the southern states to have a better appreciation of what I'm talking about. I've met blacks from England and Canada, and the truth is, they are much different from those I've met at home. Even the African Americans from the Northeastern U.S. are different, I find. They are every bit as educated and motivated to do well in life as I am.

 

My initial comments probably appear to be too general and overly simplistic, and I apologize for that. Hopefully, as I post more, you'll have a better understanding of where I'm coming from. I'm not asking you to like my point of view, only to understand it. I do NOT for a moment think that whites are superior to blacks. I'm very careful to say that my attitudes are based only on my experience of living in a very backwards part of the world when it comes to race relations. That's not an excuse for racism, it just explains why I have met so few black women who have caught my attention romantically.

[jester]

Why are black women left out of the interracial dating game too?

 

 

The question reflects a painful intersection of race, sex and class.

 

First , a disclaimer. I'm white, college educated, married to a Caucasian and have never dated a Black woman. I live in an extremely integrated neighborhood in a northern city with a Black Mayor.

 

Black women, with few exceptions, do not appeal to me romantically/sexually. Those I do find attractive tend to be slim, athletic, professional and light skinned. Many Black women also tend to be heavy, which is a turn-off.

 

Even if I found a Black woman attractive, I'd be reluctant to approach her because I assume that she would want to date only Black men.

 

I like and respect Black women, I'm just not sexually attracted to them.

[monkey00]

Originally posted by jester

The question reflects a painful intersection of race, sex and class.

 

First , a disclaimer. I'm white, college educated, married to a Caucasian and have never dated a Black woman. I live in an extremely integrated neighborhood in a northern city with a Black Mayor.

 

Black women, with few exceptions, do not appeal to me romantically/sexually. Those I do find attractive tend to be slim, athletic, professional and light skinned. Many Black women also tend to be heavy, which is a turn-off.

 

Even if I found a Black woman attractive, I'd be reluctant to approach her because I assume that she would want to date only Black men.

 

I like and respect Black women, I'm just not sexually attracted to them.

 

no matter what era you live in, there will always be racial interesection, due to the fact that different races do exist....the only way it would be resolved if everyone originated from the same piece of land...anyway YOU say that the question reflects that...well what better way WOULD you have of rephrasing that question??

 

i the same, i dont find them physically/sexually attractive.

 

well i do have one thing to add...my bro is asian and he goes out w/ a jamaican girl that he met @ college. i'm starting to believe in how opposites really do attract, my bro is ambitious, outgoing, sociable, and basically a fun guy. but she's almost opposite from him....but it was due to her upbringing cause her mom kept her home/safe throughout most of her life.

[sinny]

Both me and my man think black women are H O T

[sinny]

and I think Asian men with that long silky black hair are very sexy

[claudia]

after reading a couple of comments made on this thread it just shows how racist the american culture is . As a black female living in the a multi racial country it apalling and hurtful to read these comments made about black females from the stand point of white males .

 

The same way a white man would look at a black woman and say that she is ugly is the same way a black woman would look at a white male and consider him to be ugly as well.

 

As for history white plantain owners were sleeping and raping which type of women ? even a couple presidents in those eras had black children .

 

Maybe one of the reasons why black women are not looked upon by other races is all the misconceptions in the socitey . you cannot look at someone and think that they are not on the same page as you . As for the out of shape and over weight ideas clearly u have not seen a caribbean woman cause we are not all over weight and ugly, i for one am not over weight and can eat what ever i want without putting on any weight at all and our standards of education is higher by far .

 

One question i have is why is that Jlo looks so beautiful and black women with the same shape look over weight ? Your american society is full with double standards .

 

Many european men (white ) loves black women. Maybe American white males should loosen up . Don't judge . Anyways why look at race, i have dated many different enthic groups black ,asian and white and found that its not a race issue when it comes to love .

[sinny]

Originally posted by claudia

As for history white plantain owners were sleeping and raping which type of women ? even a couple presidents in those eras had black children .

 

 

Claudia, I am with you. If black women are so horrible, why are Strom Thurmond and many an evil plantation owner so damn tempted?

 

Beautiful skin, strength, soul... that's what I think of when I think of black women. Yes, I am in a relationship with a white guy (well he's 1/32 native american, does that count?), but I have the occaisional lesbian tendency and I am intoxicated by black women. As is my man.

 

I think white guys are just intimidated by strength. They are intimidated by women to begin with, VERY intimidated by black men - maybe black women are just more than some of them can handle.

 

However, I have to say that in my experience, guys I know LOVE black women. This chat is the first I've heard that there is some kind of stigma or something.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by claudia

after reading a couple of comments made on this thread it just shows how racist the american culture is .

[...]

Maybe American white males should loosen up . Don't judge .

 

You are equally guilty of brash generalizations.

[amerikajin]

>>>after reading a couple of comments made on this thread it just shows how racist the american culture is . As a black female living in the a multi racial country it apalling and hurtful to read these comments made about black females from the stand point of white males. <<<

 

I think there are many other cultures on this planet that are racist, but certainly, America is among those cultures.

 

I'm not saying I've never been attracted to a black woman ( once dated a woman who was half black). It's just that in my experience, I've had so little exposure to black women who had the same level of education or shared the same interests as me. Once again, I don't think that's because black women inherently lack the capability. I think it's due to a complex web of social problems that are the legacy of raced-based social stratification, one that was engineered by White authority. I think it's similar to what existed in South Africa, and it's similar to what exists today in America, Australia and New Zealand with their native populations. It's not so much about race for me, either - if I do meet a black women whom I find to be a good match, I would date her in a heartbeat, as I would any woman.

 

I realize my candid comments were ugly, but the issue is ugly. Racial bias is always an ugly conversation. I would never talk about this or say any of these things in the presence of a black person, obviously. Not unless I wanted my face rearranged.

 

>>>As for the out of shape and over weight ideas clearly u have not seen a caribbean woman cause we are not all over weight and ugly, i for one am not over weight and can eat what ever i want without putting on any weight at all and our standards of education is higher by far.<<<

 

I agree. In fact, I recently met a woman from the Caribbean, and I have to say she's a very striking woman. And yes, she's very worldly. Unfortunately, she works on an entirely different shift

[amerikajin]

>>>I think white guys are just intimidated by strength. They are intimidated by women to begin with, VERY intimidated by black men - maybe black women are just more than some of them can handle<<<

 

I think white guys are conditioned to be at the top of the social hierarchy, as though it were an entitlement. And I don't think this applies uniquely to Americans, either. I notice the same attitudes coming from Australian, British, Canadian, and New Zealander men as well. It's the legacy of things like slavery and colonialism. White men are the predators, "savages" are the prey or chattel used for exploitation.

 

Once those attitudes are engrained in the collective psyche of a segment of the population, it's hard to remove. Sure, the laws are different now; but the generations of white men whose way of life had grown to depend on and expect dominion over all other races (not to mention the other gender) did not give up easily. They passed those same attitudes on to their children, and unless someone stepped in along the way to say "you've got to change", then those attitudes were, in turn, passed on to posterity.

 

I do not consider myself a racist, but that's obviously a subjective interpretation. We all like to see ourselves as good people. To some who've read my comments, I am a racist. It stings to read that kind of judgment, but I accept it, and it forces me to look again at myself so that I can try to become a better person.

[monkey00]

Originally posted by claudia

after reading a couple of comments made on this thread it just shows how racist the american culture is . As a black female living in the a multi racial country it apalling and hurtful to read these comments made about black females from the stand point of white males .

 

The same way a white man would look at a black woman and say that she is ugly is the same way a black woman would look at a white male and consider him to be ugly as well.

 

As for history white plantain owners were sleeping and raping which type of women ? even a couple presidents in those eras had black children .

 

Maybe one of the reasons why black women are not looked upon by other races is all the misconceptions in the socitey . you cannot look at someone and think that they are not on the same page as you . As for the out of shape and over weight ideas clearly u have not seen a caribbean woman cause we are not all over weight and ugly, i for one am not over weight and can eat what ever i want without putting on any weight at all and our standards of education is higher by far .

 

One question i have is why is that Jlo looks so beautiful and black women with the same shape look over weight ? Your american society is full with double standards .

 

Many european men (white ) loves black women. Maybe American white males should loosen up . Don't judge . Anyways why look at race, i have dated many different enthic groups black ,asian and white and found that its not a race issue when it comes to love .

 

i take it that you didint read the similar post relating to asians did you?

you dont see me complaining...

but aye i'd say all races has their goods and bads, no race is perfect or ideal in any given situation. all races has their uglies, fats, skinnies, balds, buffed, dumb, smart, introverted/extroverted variety of people.

 

btw, i dont think jlo is beautiful, she's just another average looking girl.

[BlockHead]

jester

Black women, with few exceptions, do not appeal to me romantically/sexually.

I'm white and the same is true for me.

 

I'll credit my high school experience for my viewpoint on black women. Roughly one-third of the students were black, and they were the inner-city kids. I was never a fan of what I consider ‘ghetto culture.’ In fact, I hate it. The incredible arrogance of some black girls made a lasting impression.

 

I’m also afraid of having family ties to black people because of the high incarceration rates, and I’m also sick of dealing with the politics of racism, and political correctness. I find myself blocking out a lot this racial harmony propaganda because it reminds me of the relentless nag I call mom.

amerikajin

It's the legacy of things like slavery and colonialism.

I disagree. I believe the willingness to separate and form a smaller group is a part of human nature.

[dyermaker]

For once, I completely agree with 100% of what Blockhead is saying.