stiggy Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 (edited) Hi all, I'm wondering is there a particular type of guy that girls tend to cheat with (as opposed to cheat on) I have now being with three different women who cheated with me on their boyfriend/ partner. The first of these three girls was back in my younger days. I knew going into the relationship that she was seing someone. I understand that it take two to tango but in retrospect I think she sort of manipulated me. Told me her boyfriend was treating her badly and she wanted to finish up with him. We didn't last too terribly long but as it happens she broke up with her boyfriend soon after. Part of me also thinks she hooked up with me just to get one over on her boyfriend before she finished with him as think she was quite a vindictive person. The two women that cheated with me after that were both married. Hand on my heart I did not know they were married or in a relationship when we hooked up. With these two women, although they both came across as nice friendly outgoing people it would seem that they both got involved with me purely for the purpose of having sex. With the last girl it happened just over a week ago and I found out that she was married in the last few days in a sort of a roundabout way through facebook. I'm pretty disturbed about the whole thing since this happened as it seems to be once too often and I'm annoyed as to why. In general I don't have great luck with women and don't tend to last too long in relationships as just tend to get cold feet when it gets too heavy. I like my own space and don't like being crowded. I'm a quiet and shy fella and don't tend to approach women as freely as some of my friends might tend to. Other than that I am talkative and friendly once I do get talking to people. Looks wise I'm probably average if looks are a factor. I keep in shape and am pretty thin and athletic. It has being remarked to me a few times that I have a nice body but I think I'm hardly a stud or anything, bit scrawny if anything maybe. Pretty average looking in face too I would really think. The three girls that cheated with me were all pretty decent looking. If they really were going out of their way to cheat on their partner I'm sure they would not have had too much trouble finding another guy to do it with for that matter. For this reason I'm tending to think its something to do with my personality. So folks would ye have any ideas why I might have found myself in this situation a number of times. Any ways of avoiding this situation in future? Edited March 19, 2012 by stiggy Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Any ways of avoiding this situation in future? You could ask if they're in a relationship? With the exception of your first example, you've been surprised by the fact they're in relationships. A lot of your lady troubles could be solved by just asking if they're attached and then not pursuing things with unavailable women. Now, if they lied to you and said they were single, then that's a different story. But you said, "I didn't know!" which leads me to believe you never asked. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stiggy Posted March 19, 2012 Author Share Posted March 19, 2012 You could ask if they're in a relationship? With the exception of your first example, you've been surprised by the fact they're in relationships. A lot of your lady troubles could be solved by just asking if they're attached and then not pursuing things with unavailable women. Now, if they lied to you and said they were single, then that's a different story. But you said, "I didn't know!" which leads me to believe you never asked. Thanks CC12. For me the assumption was that they were single with the exception of the first girl I mentioned. Do people generally ask each other if they're in a relationship before they get involved with each other in fairness? Based on what happened I think I will ask in future though. The thing is at what point do I ask? When we are talking and getting on well before anything further happens. If I ask at that point am I being a bit presumptuous. Im not sure if I should ask straight out or lead up the question in some manner. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stiggy Posted March 19, 2012 Author Share Posted March 19, 2012 american conservative union Thanks ConsJon but the expression american conservative union does not mean anything to me. Is there some point Im missing here? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 yeah... look at his name. he's advertising..... Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Once again this place continues to surprise me as I find strange similarities with another poster. Yeah, I've been there with girls that are either still in a relationship but not happy or just out of one. I sometimes jump in feet first, ignore those obvious red flags, and end up getting hurt when they go running back to their partners. Sadly, even asking them if they're single hasn't helped as I've "yes" on many occasion only for that to be turned into a "no" when they decide to go back their loved ones... who oddly, weren't that highly loved earlier. Strange too that you mention getting cold feet in relationships, as I too often feel like this when the situation is reversed and someone is more interested in me than I am them. Maybe it's like what a therapist told me once - my character is very much the saviour typ; someone who always wants to help others, be the hero in many ways. Now these women are all in someways unhappy for whatever reason. Now their mental state is a perfect match for mine, they have a problem, I'm the guy who likes helping. So there's the connection. Although I don't go looking for this situation, because of the way I am, it seems to find me. Not saying that that is you, but that's how it was explained to me (albeit in a much more detailed form). As to how to avoid situations like this... well, when I know, you'll know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stiggy Posted March 19, 2012 Author Share Posted March 19, 2012 (edited) Thanks smudge21. I think I probably can very much relate to your theory. I am the type who will do my best to help others in difficulty in so far as I can. Not sure if I'd call it a personality trait or personality deficit in account of what happens. Like yourself I do tend to get cold feet when a girl starts crowding me and bombarding me with calls and texts on a constant basis. Not sure if this is just a coincidence though or if it bears any relevance to the first point. I know most guys might think they would like to be in such situations but when it happens three times then that's not too nice. For me I thought there was more to it than just sex at the time and I don't tend to have fantastic luck with girls in general besides (well single ones anyway) As to how to avoid situations like this... well, when I know, you'll know. Guess neither of us will ever know so smudge21:laugh: Edited March 19, 2012 by stiggy Link to post Share on other sites
youngster Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 I can really relate to you and smudge. I never realized it until after my most recent breakup. My sister actually called me out for my choice of women I'm attracted to. I guess it's king of like when women say they are attracted to the aholes. I'm afraid I don't have an answer either, but am lost right there with you Link to post Share on other sites
Beetleguise Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 Thanks CC12. For me the assumption was that they were single with the exception of the first girl I mentioned. Do people generally ask each other if they're in a relationship before they get involved with each other in fairness? Based on what happened I think I will ask in future though. The thing is at what point do I ask? When we are talking and getting on well before anything further happens. If I ask at that point am I being a bit presumptuous. Im not sure if I should ask straight out or lead up the question in some manner. I ask. Depends where you are imo. Its not presumptious if they have made it obvious its leading somewhere. If you are unsure then just let it roll until you are and then ask? Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 The thing is at what point do I ask? Pretty early on, I'd say. Obviously, in certain contexts, it's a given that they're single and looking, like if you met them through a dating site or something. But "Are you married/Do you have a boyfriend?" is a pretty standard question in the getting-to-know-you phase, just like "Where are you from?" or "What do you do for a living?" Or you could be kind of sneaky about it and refer to her boyfriend in the hopes that she'll correct you. For example, "Your boyfriend must think it's pretty cool that you're into cars" or whatever. Keep in mind that this is a pretty cheesy way to go about it, but it gets the job done. But you have to ask, otherwise women who are looking to cheat will think, "He never asked so I guess he's okay with being my piece on the side! Wee!" Link to post Share on other sites
wowme20100 Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 (edited) Why do you keep getting involved with women who are involved with someone? Find a single girl. Edited January 8, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
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