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My husband hasnt got feelings for me


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19 Oct 2011 my husband said hes got no feelings for me and that hurt still does ,he hasnt left me ,but i cry almost all the time thinking of death i am unhappy just very sad at times,we been married for 37 years and 9 months ,he keeps saying hes got no feelings for me almost our married life because i pushed him away because he wanted sex ,now i want to save our marriage we have sex ,to me he acts like he got feelings for me i love him dearly he says we can be together and have sex without him having feeling he says he cares for me and he cant turn hes feelings on and off,i had no feelings for him before i didnt care about him i didnt want to leave him i didnt tell him that i had no feeling for him i told him lately he said i should of told him it would of made it easy for us to go our seperate ways,i ask him is he going to leave me he says i am still that meants something he says, i am frighten he will leave me he says no other woman in hes life and i believe me cause he says he wouldnt be with me, i am the only one he had sex with in our married life,hes my life i have been with him longer then living with my parents

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well if you have been married 37 years he must be no younger than 57 - the age of *cough* bald spots and paunches i mean not many women would fancy him - none in fact

 

stop having the miserable conversations you describe - they could drive a body round the bend

 

you are seeing him thru the rose-tinted glasses of love

 

hopefully your cooking sex and a quiet/er life will help, note that he hasn't actually left you

Edited by darkmoon
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But really I wanted to know could he still

have feelings for me seeing he's still with me and still hugs me ,having sex with me or can people have all these and don't love them

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look, from what i can make out many men like a well-run home, big man-sized dinners and they like sex too - what's not to hang around for? i think he is sentimental to you by what you wrote

 

even if he is like he his, bad sometimes, sooner or later he will see you as probably good to know as a dutiful kindly smiley useful woman - wouldn't you?

 

do not talk about your fears to him because it is not a subject he likes, sooner or later the talking like this has to stop it's too heavy

 

pracise your smile on the mirror to counteract this

 

buy some steaks give him a big dinner wait on him a bit =

 

best behaviour and be useful

 

nt to shock you but honestly if he leaves he must become aware that you are offering a pretty good deal, forever because you are useful, even part time - but forever - i have known couples like this - but he cuddles you which is good news

 

men like women who wait on them

Edited by darkmoon
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He don't read what I wrote remember he hurt me not me hurting him he keeps saying he got no feeling for me. I can do all that what you said I want to save my marriage I hurt I don't tell him that only once I keep it to myself

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I'm a little confused about this whole thread.

 

I think you deserve to be loved. If your husband has no feelings for you, just continuing to have sex and make him dinners isn't going to solve the issue.

 

You need to go back to your husband and talk to him about this. Tell him that you can't quit thinking about him saying that he has no feelings for you. Tell him that you need to start doing something to grow the feelings back, or if that isn't possible, you need to talk about what to do about it, because you don't want to be married to someone who doesn't care for you.

 

Don't waste your life serving a man who doesn't love you. That is crazy nonsense!

 

And to answer your question - yes, of COURSE someone can stay with and have sex with someone they don't love. Why wouldn't he stay? He gets sex and someone to take care of the house and whatever else you provide. What's his incentive to leave? NONE. It doesn't mean that's the best situation for YOU though. You deserve to be cherished.

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  • 4 months later...
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It took 9months I stuck by him,he didn't want to leave so I knew there was a chance for us I wanted to save our marriage and I did ,he loves me again , but I keep say I love him ,I was told it could 3 years for him to get he's feeling back I am so glad it didt take that long ,my sister wanted me to leave him I didn't take any notice of her now my husband I are happy and love each other again

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I was also a bit confused reading this OP. I read where your husband hasn't got feelings for you a number of times, but I also read...

"i had no feelings for him before i didnt care about him i didnt want to leave him i didnt tell him that i had no feeling for him i told him lately he said i should of told him it would of made it easy for us to go our seperate ways" + "because i pushed him away because he wanted sex ,now i want to save our marriage we have sex".

 

So it seems to me, for most of the marriage you did not really love your husband, and made him suck up to you to have sex but not that often., and he probably instigated it less and less over the years and started to resent you. You confessed this to him at the start of the year, and he pretty much said the same thing back to you.

What are you complaining about!, He just said back what you have been feeling for years yourself. Now you crap yourself he might leave you, so you cry & say you love him now & turn on the sex tap, to keep him. You left it a bit ****ing late, but at least you are happy again in your last post. I guess at his age its too much hassle to walk out door and try find love again.

Sounds like you got together because you were both a little desperate to be married. Too bad you didn't confess this to him 35 yrs ago, then he could have left (as he said) and you both would have found more fulfilling relationships.

Edited by ascendotum
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