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Roommate issue


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lifeasiknowit

I suspect that my roommate borrowed stuff from my room without asking and never returned them. I've noticed DVDs that I have on my bookshelf were gone, but I just assumed I had misplaced them. This was months ago.

 

I know I should not have done this, but I went in her room one day when she wasn't home to get something back that I loaned to her. That's when I discovered the DVDs that I thought I misplaced. I never go into her room to borrow her stuff without asking. I resorted to it this instance to recover stuff I had loaned to her. I feel bad about going in, but it's worse to find out that she's been in my room taking stuff without asking and then never returning them.

 

Now I wonder how much of my stuff is missing.

 

Should I ask her about this? Also I always leave my bedroom door closed even when i'm not home, which to me is a sign to everyone to stay out.

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I had various roommates and it's not normal to walk into someone else's room. Most of them very quite respectful with crossing boundaries (in this respect, unfortunately not in others... :rolleyes:), sometimes even more than I thought was necessary. I once had a roommate who I once caught coming out of my room when I came home. He wanted to use the big mirror I had in my room, like the other times when I was in the room, and I usually left the door open, so I didn't mind it too much, but opening the door and borrowing things without ever mentioning it and never returning them, is pretty invasive. On the other hand, since living with various people, I've learned that you shouldn't really assume anything as "normal" anymore. :eek:

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I suspect that my roommate borrowed stuff from my room without asking and never returned them. I've noticed DVDs that I have on my bookshelf were gone, but I just assumed I had misplaced them. This was months ago.

 

I know I should not have done this, but I went in her room one day when she wasn't home to get something back that I loaned to her. That's when I discovered the DVDs that I thought I misplaced. I never go into her room to borrow her stuff without asking. I resorted to it this instance to recover stuff I had loaned to her. I feel bad about going in, but it's worse to find out that she's been in my room taking stuff without asking and then never returning them.

 

Now I wonder how much of my stuff is missing.

 

Should I ask her about this? Also I always leave my bedroom door closed even when i'm not home, which to me is a sign to everyone to stay out.

 

Tell her you'd like an understanding, going forward, that you each stay out of each other's rooms.

Apologize for breaching her privacy then explain what you discovered when you did.

Don't be aggressive about it but matter of fact.

Emphasize the future and communicate what you think would make living together workable along these lines.

The goal is to reach an mutual understanding of respecting one another's space. If she has a problem with it, move out.

Edited by cerridwen
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lifeasiknowit

I'm thinking of just casually mentioning that I was looking for some of my dvds to watch and that I couldn't find them, and ask her if she might have them. It wouldn't bother me so much if she returned my stuff after borrowing. If they aren't returned, and I don't know she borrowed them, I'll never know they're gone unless I happen to notice stuff is missing.

 

Also, a few times she's eaten my food and tried to hide the fact by putting the empty food package inside a plastic bag before putting it in the trash bin so I wouldn't notice. But I did notice. I haven't said anything about it, and started putting some food in my room.

 

And I do most of the cleaning. She always apologizes for not cleaning, but then doesn't do it.

 

She's really nice and does lots of nice things for me, and we get along, but it's these little things that rub me the wrong way. I hope I'm not being anal and picky.

 

The worst was when I came back after a 3 week trip abroad, and the garbage and recycling bin were nearly overflowing! I was exhausted from the flight, but couldn't stand it, so I ended up taking them out. I was fuming mad.

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lifeasiknowit

Okay, I casually mentioned to my roommate that I was looking for one of my dvds to loan to a friend, mentioning one of the titles that she borrowed from my room without asking, and guess what?! She said she didn't have it, nor seen it, when I know for a fact she has it among a few others of my dvds.

 

I guess I'll just have to let it go, and resign myself to the fact I'll never get that stuff back.

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Either she's forgotten she has it or is lying. In which case, just take it back and say nothing. Then get a lock for your door or buy a large, locking box or trunk for your possessions.

 

Or move out.

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Okay, I casually mentioned to my roommate that I was looking for one of my dvds to loan to a friend, mentioning one of the titles that she borrowed from my room without asking, and guess what?! She said she didn't have it, nor seen it, when I know for a fact she has it among a few others of my dvds.

 

I guess I'll just have to let it go, and resign myself to the fact I'll never get that stuff back.

You're a pushover, you know that? :confused:

 

It is possible that she knew she shouldn't have gone into your room and when you asked her about it, she lied, because otherwise she would have to admit that she had been in your room when you were not there.

Edited by PlumPrincess
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Okay, I casually mentioned to my roommate that I was looking for one of my dvds to loan to a friend, mentioning one of the titles that she borrowed from my room without asking, and guess what?! She said she didn't have it, nor seen it, when I know for a fact she has it among a few others of my dvds.

 

I guess I'll just have to let it go, and resign myself to the fact I'll never get that stuff back.

 

Might I again recommend the straight approach next time?

 

It may save you a few items.

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You can't just let it go, she is taking advantage of you and stealing your stuff! Start marking your DVDs and other things with your initials, get a locking cabinet, or lock your room so they do not go in there. Either that or do like other posters have said and call her on it. Why live with someone who does not clean and steals your DVDs & food?

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