AwptiK Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 Do these even exist anymore? I'm starting to become more and more skeptical that one day i'll actually marry the "girl of my dreams" and then we'll live "happily ever after". I'm writing this because I don't think i'm alone in this idea. I'm also writing because hopefully some of you will tell me i'm very wrong in thinking this. I'll start by saying that i'm only 20 and I've only dated a small handful of girls. Maybe i'm just pursuing the wrong girls? The first main point I have is that my parents divorced a year and a half ago. I believe it was after 26 or 27 years. I understand why my mom wanted to leave and wasn't happy, but seeing that happen after such a long time was a bit of a surprise. I've always looked up to both of my parents and their relationship gave me hope for my future wife. Now, to the last three girls I've been with. Starting with the oldest: 1) I dated this girl for 9 months. I wasn't very happy and knew at some point things would end. She was very happy for a majority of the 9 months and always talked about wanting to be together forever. Occasionally, she'd be talking to her guy friends a little more than I was comfortable with. She turned down me, for spending a few hours on the phone with a guy friend... She went out with some friends one night and ended up kissing one of them. (That's as far as I know, that is) She broke up with me the following day. She didn't like him, but I guess she had realized she wasn't happy either. 2) This girl I didn't date. I met her a few weeks after that other relationship ended. I really liked her and I did want to date her, but I held off from being official, because I didn't want to date her for the wrong reasons (rebounding, for example). She turned and started dating another guy, I was pretty crushed. We continued to hang out occasionally over the next 4-6 weeks and she was still just as flirty as before, minus the physical side. Stuff she did...I just would not be okay knowing a girl I was dating was doing that with anyone else. 3) The most recent. I met her around a month after things ended with #2. Again, not a relationship....we were very on/off (4 times now) for the past 4 months. I can even bet we'll cycle right back through the stages again at some point. First off, she's a 22 y/o single mother of a 2 year old. She was engaged to her son's father, but was unhappy. We started talking while they were still considered "together". She ended up leaving him and moving out of his home, to move back in with her parents. I might sound like a jerk, but after #2 I was developing the mindset I have now, and seeing this girl leave her fiance, just added that much more to it. To clarify the on/off thing, she wasn't ready to commit to anyone after a 3 year relationship. The first time, we just tried going really slowly, but that was too much for her. The other 3 times, things have just built back up on their own. She said at one point, "You're so easy to fall for, but after some time I realize i'm still not ready yet and I need to back up." I think I might've had enough by now, but that's a whole different story.. That's my life though, and my reasons to feel how I do. At the same time, my best friend was in a relationship with a girl for 3.5 years. He's 21, and those two were the frame of a perfect relationship. After that long though? She left him a few months back... Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 It is very difficult being a relationship-minded guy in his teens or early 20s. The vast majority of girls your age aren't ready for it. They have much larger dating pools than you do so they are like kids in a candy store -- always on the lookout for someone more exciting, more attractive, more alpha, more sophisticated, more professionally accomplished, more you-name-it . . . They don't expect guys to be relationship-minded (because few are) and it seems that these girls most want relationships with the guys who want relationships the least. Your best friend's situation reminds me of my first LTR. Together for 2 years in college, we were talking engagement, etc. Then all of a sudden, she had a personality transformation and broke it off with me because I was the first person she ever dated and she wanted to experience dating other guys . . . Be patient and don't lose sight of the qualities this "girl of your dreams" will have -- you have a lot of time . . . Link to post Share on other sites
Author AwptiK Posted December 17, 2011 Author Share Posted December 17, 2011 Thanks, I appreciate that. I'll just have to keep searching.. Link to post Share on other sites
DonJuanInc Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 Way too young to be worrying about this sort of thing. Use your early 20s and mid 20s to figure out what you like and what you're into, and to build your relationship and communication skill set. If you're wondering whether or not humans are naturally monogamous: only 16% of societies worldwide are monogamous. 83% are polygynous, and 1% are androgynous. Interestingly enough, of the 83% that are polygynous, less than 5% of men take a second wife. Seems to make a decent case that we tend toward monogamy, but as a society aren't very educated about how to be successful at it. Every other area of life has education, instruction, and coaching, but dating and relationship coaching is relatively rare even in 2011. Link to post Share on other sites
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