Layla Posted December 27, 2003 Share Posted December 27, 2003 Hi I have been with my boyfriend for 18 months and we get on really, really well. He asked me to move in quite soon after we started going out (although he had never asked any other girlfriend before.) I am turning 29 in February, he is turning 32 in April. Also he writes the most beautiful love letters, says that he loves me and does so much for me. He really seems to care for me, being considerate, passionate and kind! I get on well with his friends and family and so does he with mine. We have just moved into a new house together and I decided not to bring the discussion up as there has been a lot of stress involved in the moving. Also, his mother stayed with us for two weeks etc. In fact, no one has ever mentioned marriage! two days ago I went and got some Antibiotics for a bladder infection and I told him that I would like to use condoms as the pill isn't always safe when you take Antibiotics. This evening we were making love and he reminded me of the condoms and got some he had bought yesterday upon me reminding him of it. I mean he actually went out there and bought condoms!!!! I mean if he really loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, wouldn't he run the tiny risk of this "great love of his" getting pregnant? How can I find out what his intentions are?? Who has got experience in this? He does so much for me but how do I know whether he sees me as his future wife? Please help! I am quite shy and don't just want to ask him bluntly :-( Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted December 27, 2003 Share Posted December 27, 2003 i agree that this condom story isn't proof that he doesn't see you as his future wife. but if you've been living together for so long and get along so well, isn't there any way you can bring up marriage? or at least engagement? you could simply tell him about a friend who just got engaged, atfer being together after X months - and ask his opinion "do you think they did it too soon??". maybe that'll help you sense where his head's at. but otherwise, 18 months isn't TOO long a time - i wouldn't assume he doesn't see you two married just because he hasn't mentioned it. does he talk about you two staying together, generally? like plan trips or what-not? who owns this new house, him or both of you? -yes Link to post Share on other sites
yogi-mon Posted December 27, 2003 Share Posted December 27, 2003 you are rushing. you want to get married and have childern really badly. talk to him about it. Link to post Share on other sites
crysiet Posted December 27, 2003 Share Posted December 27, 2003 Wait a second, you tell your boyfriend to get condoms for you, and then you freak out when he does? Poor guy, if he knew all of this, it would make him dreadfully confused. Men arent as complex as you think, girl. Im guessing that he loves you and wants to please you, so when you ask him for something, he wants to make sure you get it. I bet you if he didnt get the condoms, you'd be freaking out cause he ignores your needs. Have you ever considered that he might be just as scared about your thoughts to where the relationship is going? No one is ever going to say anything about commitment if both of you are afraid. You need to talk to him about it. The relationship isnt going to stay healthy if your holding something back. Wait until your ready, and practice what your going to say. Just be careful, you dont want to ruin a good relationship over fear, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Layla Posted December 27, 2003 Author Share Posted December 27, 2003 Thanks guys! I guess you are right about the condom story. Trust me, I am the most "wary" person in the world though. Never even came close to getting pregnant and know exactly that unless you have found a good partner (husband) and are settled enough you should never even consider children. I just don't even think other girls worry about pregnancy when they are on Antibiotics etc. and was just a bit disappointed that he is so worried about me getting pregnant despite the practically non-existing risk. It's not like I forgot to take the pill or something. Anyway, your answers were good. I just wish I could read his mind and know whether he is planning on proposing to me. Yes, he does mention a future together. He says he has never been this happy with anyone and that I am the most important person in his life. But still, I wouldn't mind some sort of a commitment. I love the man and know that we can make it work as spending time with him is awesome and we share similar values. So why can't he just get on his knees? ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
Skittles Posted December 27, 2003 Share Posted December 27, 2003 Layla you sound like a sweetie... But don't get mad at me folks...it's kind of after the fact ...and really old-fashioned but... ..maybe you could have waited and not moved in with him if you wanted a marriage proposal... attention to all viewers.... this is not a moral judgement One of my g/f's moved in with her guy 5 years ago and still no ring... Why do you think that is? And don't tell me its the old why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free story. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Layla Posted December 27, 2003 Author Share Posted December 27, 2003 Hey Skittles I think you have a point there. I went for a drink with an old friend of mine who has been in a long term relationship for 10 months now. They only live 500 kilometres apart but still only see each other on the weekend. He told me that he was going to propose to his gorgeous girlfriend because he can't stand being apart from her. He misses her like hell and that it physically hurts not having her near. I remember my boyfriend saying: "it physically hurts him not being able to be near me" when we didn't live together and I used to be so busy that I could only see him maybe twice a week. I feel like my boyfriend would have done anything (even marry me ;-) in order to finally have me around! i felt flattered when he asked me to move in and his friends told me that he is a real bachelor and would have never asked any of his former girlfriends to move in with him. Well, it's done now. We have lived together for 10 months and get on fine. We have just moved to this incredible house which he bought! I am not as wealthy as he is and would have to "downsize" immensely if I moved out. Hey Guys, is there a point in moving out? I hate playing games!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Layla Posted December 27, 2003 Author Share Posted December 27, 2003 Hey Skittles I think you have a point there. I went for a drink with an old friend of mine who has been in a long term relationship for 10 months now. They only live 500 kilometres apart but still only see each other on the weekend. He told me that he was going to propose to his gorgeous girlfriend because he can't stand being apart from her. He misses her like hell and that it physically hurts not having her near. I remember my boyfriend saying: "it physically hurts him not being able to be near me" when we didn't live together and I used to be so busy that I could only see him maybe twice a week. I feel like my boyfriend would have done anything (even marry me ;-) in order to finally have me around! i felt flattered when he asked me to move in and his friends told me that he is a real bachelor and would have never asked any of his former girlfriends to move in with him. Well, it's done now. We have lived together for 10 months and get on fine. We have just moved to this incredible house which he bought! I am not as wealthy as he is and would have to "downsize" immensely if I moved out. Hey Guys, is there a point in moving out? I hate playing games!! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 27, 2003 Share Posted December 27, 2003 two days ago I went and got some Antibiotics for a bladder infection and I told him that I would like to use condoms as the pill isn't always safe when you take Antibiotics. This evening we were making love and he reminded me of the condoms and got some he had bought yesterday upon me reminding him of it. I mean he actually went out there and bought condoms!!!! I mean if he really loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, wouldn't he run the tiny risk of this "great love of his" getting pregnant? I must be living on the wrong planet. You are the umpteenth person I've seen who has asked a man for something or told him something, he has done exactly what was asked or told, and then the woman has flipped because he didn't read her mind to figure out she didn't really want what she asked for!!!!!!!! Doesn't anybody get that this is totally unfair, as well as illogical? As for living together, my take on it is that livng together is part of engagement. Live together once you've decided to marry and not before. It should be the last chance to back out of an engagement and should be done before marrying, but not without some sort of planned commitment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Layla Posted December 27, 2003 Author Share Posted December 27, 2003 Hey Moimene Thanks for your reply but let me correct you. I didn't not Flip at all when my boyfriend reminded me that we should use condoms but didn't say a word about it! The thought just crossed my mind and I wrote it down in the LS; so don't get me wrong.... I did not give my boyfriend a hard time about it at all. Isn't this Love Shack a place where - among other things - you can contemplate some ideas that sit in your mind? Link to post Share on other sites
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