global962 Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 (edited) I met this girl at work, well I am her boss. I am single 32 year old male, no kids, educated etc..I hired her 5 months ago in April. I was working elsewhere in my company and thats why everything was fine. 2 months into this I had to move back to my head office and finally began working with her. I was attracted to her from the very day i saw her. We met by pure coincidence and chance...she took a chance when she saw me opening the office at nite (i had returned to pick up some documents after hours and she was waiting outside of a supermarket in front of my business) and asked me for a job...well to make it short...we started working together and there was an incredible chemistry between both of us...we would stare at each other, hold our gaze for 10 seconds or longer, she would get a little jealous at other female customers, etc, etc..We went out on our first date in July for coffee and then to the beach to watch the sunset and the beach....I was so attracted to her that night but it all went fine, i held her in my arm and we talked....Soon thereafter i started kissing her cheeks at work, touched her hands, etc...no lip kissing though...She never objected to this....She went on vacation and she texted me and it all appeared to be going good until one day I asked her out again and she rejected me (be4 she went on vacation) saying we could get to know each other at work...fine i said....i continued gettin to know more about her and we continued flirting, looking at each other every time like the world had stopped...as this grew I knew I had fallen in love with this woman...a thing which she doesnt know...now she routinely ignores my texts/phone calls...which i hardly ever do anyways...Lately female customers show up at the office and she gets upset over it...I've had two different female customers tell me the same just by the way she looks at them...I cant stop the friendship/or seeing her because she works for me...I just dont know what to do? Its a catch 21, she gets annoyed n jealous over me giving attention to other females but yet refuses to go out again....Anyone with good advice please respond...I really like this woman....I know business and pleasure do not mix and the fact that she is 21 does not help either but she comes from a very stable educated family that i know wants the best for her...please advise, thanks... Edited August 28, 2011 by global962 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 Clarify: Are you the 'boss' or the sole owner of the business? I've seen this before. It's a game. My best friend, who has a large number of female employees, including managers, has a simple rule. He never spends one on one time with any female subordinate, save for his managers. There is always someone else in the room. He never goes to lunch alone with a female employee of any sort. Why? Liability. Is your jurisdiction 'at will'? Does this employee work under an employment contract? The way I see it is this employee is a distraction, perhaps partially through her responsibility, but this distraction could potentially impact all your employees/subordinates and cause harm to the company. I've seen this happen. If you can't resolve your emotions, she'll have to go. You can't go as you're the owner/boss. Sorry about that. Given her stated and implied 'assets', she'll have no problem finding alternative employment with your neutrally positive recommendation. Dating women outside the office perhaps can assist. Get started this week. Welcome to LS Link to post Share on other sites
Casablanca Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 Don't date anyone ever who is not on the same level as you if you work together Link to post Share on other sites
Author global962 Posted August 29, 2011 Author Share Posted August 29, 2011 (edited) Its doesnt seem like a game....but then again my heart is not being objective right now...It is my sole business and it is damaging because I lose objectivity/prefer her over others etc because I love the woman...Seems the right kind of person for me, same background, religion, customs, compatibility ...All i seem to date before was single mother with no objectives and she is a fresh face...She is a good worker in spite of the fact that she knows I am attracted to her...I can cut her hours so that we dont see each other any more but something tells me she will quit pretty soon...dont know yet! Very confused...should I approach her and "spill the beans" on her...which i would oppose too as it would scare her off...or at least try to resolve our attractions issues and find a way out of this mess...I do not want to lose her !! If it werent for the office deal she pretty much is my type and with a lot of potential for marriage...which is my ulimate objective and No she is under no contract and was raised abroad with a very different mentality and not "lawsuit" happy... Edited August 29, 2011 by global962 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 Fire her and date her. Or leave her alone. No other choices. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 Fire her and date her. Or leave her alone. No other choices. Truthfully, this post might be better. (of course it may not have been there when Clume was handing out awards - posted one minute later) Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 Fire her and date her. Or leave her alone. No other choices. SincereOnlineGuy is right - my post should be better. Here are the two options as I see it: Help her find another job - don't just fire her. But do NOT engage in any activity while she is an employee. If you want to date her seriously, you need to get her out of your employ and take the chance that she is even open to dating after she has left your employ. Or, leave well enough alone and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author global962 Posted August 29, 2011 Author Share Posted August 29, 2011 I came here for romantic advice not legal advice..for that I hire an attorney.. In this country you are trained to sue everything that is not according to your view of how things should be or simply just to blame others for your inadequacies....Neither HER or MYSELF were born/raised here with this mentality!! Thats is the least of my concerns. Get it we dont have that stupid mentality. Anyone that can share their two cents on a romatic level, please advise...I mean talking to her/confronting her about whether this is a game or not...I do no want to give any more power emotionally to this woman but need to convey to her that we can have something together even if it requires for her to quit...Get it Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 OK, ask her out on a date. If she refuses, flirt with the other female office workers or customers and ask them out on dates. If real or legal propriety is not a concern, think of the office as a night club. Pretty simple. I remember my first experience with a MW was at the office. She was in the back office, flirting with me every night after work, avoiding the business owner who she had been fµcking for a couple of years, except when she needed coke. Like I said, night club Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 Well since you both have the same mentality you probably know better what to do in your situation than we do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author global962 Posted August 29, 2011 Author Share Posted August 29, 2011 Thats what I have been doing, flirting with woman friends that come to visit me and going to lunch with them in front of her...She goes crazy !! Green with jeaolusy...its so obvious this woman is into me but I cannot move forward from thereon... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 So, when you asked her out to dinner, she said 'no'? Do that, each time you catch her being 'jealous'. Do it ten times a day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author global962 Posted August 29, 2011 Author Share Posted August 29, 2011 We went out back in July, coffee and beach....we spent 4 hours talking until I called it off and took her back to the office where had her car parked....thereafter i realized our attraction was growing and I kissed her a few times in the office when we were alone...just innocent kisses and confidently asked her out because of her level of interest...She refused and told me "lets get to know each other in the office better for now" ...For me it was either accept this and let it escalate to what i see today or cut it off..Since i was so interested in her being a single man i said fine and we continued flirting and hiding our "little" friendship. No other dates have been granted since then...i realized its all game limited to the office only...I talk to her here and there outside of work just for her to notice im interested in getting this out of the office but.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author global962 Posted August 29, 2011 Author Share Posted August 29, 2011 Now thats advice...thats what I need to do...ask her out everytime one of my attractive female friends comes visit me and I go to lunch with them...It is rather interesting how women you used to date and that you remained friends with are more than willing to go out on dates with you in front of her, they throw themselves at the opportunity, hilarious...just to meet her and make her jealous...I talked to my hot friend that I used to date (everything seems dead between us now) and she said she has the whole week off this week and can come to the office twice if want to just to accomplish this....Lol...Maybe I should go back to her and screw this.. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 Global, you are in a precarious position. I don't know what kind of company you work for but generically this girl has you at a disadvantage now. It may seem the other way around being her boss but you sound like an honest and decent guy who wouldn't pressure her with your office to coerce her. She could however be playing a little power trip with you. I'm not one to bluntly say that you shouldn't get involved with an underling on your job but she is considerably younger and you said "from another culture". Sometimes those "other cultures" like the idea of having men fight over them. You don't need something like that on YOUR job and the idea that she wants to confine getting to know you to that most visible and vulnerable place does no bode well. Perhaps you should try to sober up and snap out of it. You weren't in love--you were taken with infatuation by someone very appealing and the fact that you can't have her sets your heart on fire. Maybe you should just accept that getting to know her on the job is out of bounds and unacceptable and it's her choice then if she want to see you otherwise. If not, you just have to square with reality and start getting over her. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 I came here for romantic advice not legal advice..for that I hire an attorney.. In this country you are trained to sue everything that is not according to your view of how things should be or simply just to blame others for your inadequacies....Neither HER or MYSELF were born/raised here with this mentality!! Thats is the least of my concerns. Get it we dont have that stupid mentality. Anyone that can share their two cents on a romatic level, please advise...I mean talking to her/confronting her about whether this is a game or not...I do no want to give any more power emotionally to this woman but need to convey to her that we can have something together even if it requires for her to quit...Get it Listen, we can all identify this as a "game"... and YOU are the one playing the game. "Here" (in the real world, where the number of those seeking entry faaaaaaaaaaaar exceeds the number of those seeking to leave)... we have laws to protect the victims/employees from the likes of game-players such as yourself. Regardless of where you were "born", the applicable laws are those which prevail "here", and if you continue with your "game"-playing, it is highly likely that you will know the full brunt of those laws very soon. It is highly probable that the piece of meat you're looking to sample is not worth the consequences you are likely to face in due time for having done so. What could be anymore clear than that??? And why would somebody not "born here" be unable to interpret common sense in just the same way? Link to post Share on other sites
Author global962 Posted August 30, 2011 Author Share Posted August 30, 2011 You are right, it is a little power trip she plays, being that Im the boss and she is younger and more immature...Obviously the boss "hitting" on her is powerful for her as she may have never experienced this....this is her second job....Im trying so hard to snap out of it but Im beginning to realize the only way will be to get rid of her because her constant presence makes me seek for her...Legal consequences are not an issue I think at this point....but yes my position is precarious even though I control her hours, work, etc....I have realized its a childish game she plays...but wonder if I should ask her if theres really anything we can do to carry on this outside the office or it was just a game. Link to post Share on other sites
Author global962 Posted August 30, 2011 Author Share Posted August 30, 2011 Yes I am a decent and honest guy who will never use my office or power to coerce her in any way...I dont need that...I have enough value on my own for any decent girl to see that..Its just that things happened that way...she came to my door and I took her in because I needed an employee and then things unraveled purely by coincidence. We found out we had things in common and it just happened...the fact that she never gave me more time marked the difference between going forward seriously and a pure game on her behalf...It is the first time I have ever done that with my own job and I have learned a lesson...but it was nice to carry on with all those feelings for a bit....thanks for your honest advice... Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Here is the problem - he took her out on a date and has physically touched her. If he fires her now for any reason, there is nothing stopping her from filing a harassment suit. He has to CAREFULLY document her work and anything she does wrong, put things entirely on a professional level, and be extremely cautious from here on out. She very well could be a game-player and it could get really ugly. This is why you don't date within the confines of the work setting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author global962 Posted August 30, 2011 Author Share Posted August 30, 2011 Yes I have touched her and kissed her with her consent...firing her may not seem an option...I need her as an employee...I know you should never date your employees but how many relationships have come to fruition based on geting to know someone at the office...in fact it may be one of the best places to truly get to know someone..so I gave it a shot... Link to post Share on other sites
Author global962 Posted August 30, 2011 Author Share Posted August 30, 2011 I think we're getting a little carried away with this lawsuit thing, even though its a fat fetched possibility...this is nothing but an office fling that progressed into some wonderful feelings on my part and an emotional ego typical female trip over an older man in command lusting for her .....nothing else...She has been on vacation sent me txts, pictures, souvenirs etc ...Never took it the wrong way...Where do you draw the line? Dont see anything wrong in here other than a minor distraction that can be worked out if we both communicate our intentions....If there is no interest in her then we go back to the employment relationship and thats it ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author global962 Posted August 30, 2011 Author Share Posted August 30, 2011 FYI Hostile work environment harassment occurs when unwelcome comments or conduct based on sex, race or other legally protected characteristics unreasonably interferes with an employee’s work performance or creates an intimidating, hostile or offensive work environment. "Unwelcomed" being the key word here...lets NOT get carried away!! Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 FYI Hostile work environment harassment occurs when unwelcome comments or conduct based on sex, race or other legally protected characteristics unreasonably interferes with an employee’s work performance or creates an intimidating, hostile or offensive work environment. "Unwelcomed" being the key word here...lets NOT get carried away!! I have been in Human Resources. The "he said/she said" factor of "unwelcomed" gets tested every day in court. I am not getting carried away. I am being practical, having seen it in action. What was at one time consensual can very quickly become harassment and how YOU define it might be entirely different as to how SHE defines it if she becomes unhappy in her job or situation or is a player or just wants to f*ck with you. It can happen. Not saying it is going to, but I have seen it happen it is not pretty when it does. Link to post Share on other sites
Author global962 Posted August 31, 2011 Author Share Posted August 31, 2011 Thank you Carrie, well said...we had a long conversation today and seem to be resolving my issues...dont get me wrong the woman is marriage material all the way..thanks all for your advice............. Link to post Share on other sites
Author global962 Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 Well the woman finally exited my life and job 9/21/11...its been so hard since then because I truly cared about this woman...it was never an issue that she was gonna sue me for sexual harrassment or anything like this board suggested...I still do care about her and cant stop thinking of her...Her decision to leave was very hurtful for both and since then I've expressed my feelings towards her and try to contact her once to no avail....Is it possible I can re-establish our contact outside of work now if I give her space...any advise would be helpful Link to post Share on other sites
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