BellydancerRen Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 So I go into this dive bar while out for my birthday a couple of months back. The bartender/bar manager there gave me a few free drinks. I liked the vibe of the place and the people so I decided I'd make it my regular spot. I'm single and I don't go out much so I figured it would be a great opportunity to socialize. Anywho, it's been two months since I started going there regularly and the manager still gives me free drinks if he's working the bar. We hit it off well when we started talking to each other and he asked me specifically to come to the bar on the nights he works there alone. Along with the free drinks he gives me more attention than the other patrons. He's very well-liked by everyone who comes there, and even when he gives others his attention, he always comes back to me. When I insist on paying for my drinks, he still doesn't charge me as much as everyone else. The last time I went I asked him why he's so nice to me. He said because he thinks I'm awesome; when I was leaving and saying goodbye, he came from behind the bar and gave me a big hug. The thing is, I'm really attracted to him. Based on the things I've described (among others) I think he may be interested in me as welll, yet he hasn't asked me out. Does it sound like he's interested or am I reading too much into things? I'd really like to hear from the guys. I'd hate to say or do anything inappropriate based on a wrong assumption. Whenever I've expressed interest in a guy or made the first move, I've been rejected every time. Link to post Share on other sites
Jamone Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Carry on the way you are. Nothing wrong with liking someone. IMO he likes you, otherwise he wouldn't be giving you free drinks, asking you to come down when he's working and giving you hugs. When he's ready he'll ask you out but until then just play it cool. I know alot of people on here will say you have nothing to lose and there's nothing wrong with asking guys out...which i agree with, but you also said you've been 'stung' before. I would use these 'meetings' to get to know him better and if you think he's worth it, and he's probably a bit shy, go for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Shalyn Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Sometimes bartenders will have girls they think are "hot" come in to build buisness. If guys see hot girls there, they spend more money. That may be true in your case. I read a section in a book on datingmidlife.com that told how to tell if someone was into you in just a few minutes. The basics of that chapter said your body knows sometimes before your mind. If you're talking one-on-one, subconsciously, he'll mimic you. If you lean forward, he does. If you lean back, he does. Believe it or not, I've tried it, and it works. I can actually tell on a first date if this is someone that's into me. Maybe you should try it. It won't hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BellydancerRen Posted August 20, 2011 Author Share Posted August 20, 2011 Well the next night after starting this thread I go to the bar. He tells me he likes me and felt a connection with me when we met. Now he seems different. I don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
rafeal Posted August 21, 2011 Share Posted August 21, 2011 I agree with Shalyn here. I used to bartend and many bartenders I knew would try hard to get good looking women into the bar. The theory was that if there were cute girls, guys would come in and spend money. So take his advances with a grain of salt, and know that you are considered hot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BellydancerRen Posted August 22, 2011 Author Share Posted August 22, 2011 Rafael, I don't know if that's is true or not but his bar is not hurting for business. It's always packed with both hot men and hot women and it has hot female bartenders. Even on slow nights it gets busy and they have lots of regulars. And yes it is true that everyone there finds me attractive, both customers and the staff. Not that I want to read too much into anything (which is why I started this thread), but I'm quite sure he doesn't need little ole' me to bring in more business. They do plenty. I was just there Friday night and it was packed. Link to post Share on other sites
Boogiedog Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 From a guy that has been a bachelor for a long time (by choice) I can tell you from your description that you are in his "friend zone." You gals know that one, "can't we be just friends?" i.e., no sex. One reason could be that he is committed elsewhere. Another reason is what has already been suggested. Think about the reality of all of this. You say that you're hot and that there are hot guys there. You are in a dive bar, otherwise known as a meat market and you're not getting hit on? (This can come from the notion of the guys that you are already property.) From my perspective, if I had bought you drinks one night and you came back for more, there would be more going on than a hug and "I like you." If you like the bar and are a regular there, start mixing and let it be known that you are your woman and available. Then see what happens to your friendly bartender. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BellydancerRen Posted August 29, 2011 Author Share Posted August 29, 2011 Well, he revealed to me that he's a single dad of a 5 year old and it's hard for him to go out and have a social life outside the bar because when he's not working he's with her. The reason I started to go there more often is not for the free drinks because I'm not much of a drinker. I go because he asked me to come and hang out with him on the nights he works. We like talking to each other and enjoy each other's company. If I'm in the "friend zone" that's fine. I don't have an issue with that. But the fact that he has a small child shed some light on things. Link to post Share on other sites
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Author BellydancerRen Posted August 31, 2011 Author Share Posted August 31, 2011 You are in a dive bar, otherwise known as a meat market and you're not getting hit on? (This can come from the notion of the guys that you are already property.) From my perspective, if I had bought you drinks one night and you came back for more, there would be more going on than a hug and "I like you." If you like the bar and are a regular there, start mixing and let it be known that you are your woman and available. Then see what happens to your friendly bartender. @Boogiedog, I guess I'm not sure what you mean by "getting hit on." Yes men come up to me and tell me I'm beautiful. And yes buy me drinks or offer to buy me drinks. But they don't ask for my phone number or ask me out. Men pretty much never ask for my number or ask me out on dates. I don't get asked out by men at all really. It's more like, "Wow! You are beautiful!" or "Wow! You are really sexy! Let me buy you a shot!" or "I'll buy you whatever you want to drink!" Then I'll chit chat with these guys and then they'll be like, "Ok, it was nice meeting you. Have a good night!" Link to post Share on other sites
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