She is being unreasonable!

[Marine_camaro]

Ok I have a situation and need someone else's take on it.

 

Me and my girlfriend have been together for three years strong not to many problems just the occasional ups and downs.

 

The other night we were at a party she was drinking and i wasn't as the night went on things were fine. Everyone was on the front porch and one of the couples there got in a fight and his gf left him there. Well my gf decided to comfort him in her drunk state by hugging him and telling him he was a good guy and then she took it a step further rubbing his abs tellin him he was sexy and that he deserved better and everyone was looking at her like what the hell are you doing.

 

At that point I was irritated and blurted out "hey whore" to get her attention and tell her to stop. She came to me and was fine for the next 30 minutes then i took her home. On the way to her house I told her i didn't appreciate her hanging on him and telling him the things she was. Her defense was she was just trying to make him feel good about him self and i repeated I just don't appreciate the way you went about it.

 

I went home and got a text from her 20 minutes later chewing me out for calling her a whore. So I apologized and admitted that it was a poor choice of words. She didn't accept this apology she said anyone who says they love someone would never call them a whore and I tried to explain to her why i did as far as trying to get her attention and let her know she was not only embarrassing her self be me as well.

 

At that point she blew up on me and has refused to talked to me for the past 2 days and has yet to even apologize for the way she acted that night. She has basically flipped the whole thing on me.

 

What do i do? Is this all my fault am i to blame? Im losing my mind tryin to figure this out

[SelfControl]

MC...first let me say that you'll get a lot of different opinions here so consider each one carefully before acting on any of them. Here's one of them...

 

Personally, if my gf acted disrespectful like that to me, especially at a party in front of others, I would drop her, despite being together 3 years and despite the fact that she was drinking. It was not her responsibility to comfort that guy, especially in the manner she did it in. On top of that, to turn it around on you is wrong too. She's right in that you should have never called her that name, but the point is she's not acknowledging that what she did was wrong.

 

You do what you want here, but I would get rid of her. She has to know that when she pushes you too far you will walk, otherwise there will never be any correction to her behavior. In other words, she knows she can get away with it so why stop.

 

I know it's been three years and it will be tough, so you really have to think about this before you do. It may seem like a good idea now when you are charged up about how angry you are with her, but in a week or two, after you've dropped her, when it's too late to go back with any kind of dignity, it'll be tough to stick to it.

 

If you don't think breaking up is the right thing, then an alternative would be to have a 'sit down' (meaning nice calm discussion, where you both are in a good place emotionally and sober, about what happened) where you apologize one more time for calling her the name and she acknowledges what she did was wrong and apologizes too. Then, after that is cleared up, you have a serious talk to her about her drinking. If she acts this way when she's drinking and you ARE around, imagine what she does when you AREN'T around. You can suggest only going to places/parties where there isn't any drinking, or at least not a lot, or you two agree on how much to drink before you go so that you can stop each other before anyone acts disrespectful.

 

Best of luck to you.

Edited August 15, 2011 by SelfControl

[linwood]

 

What do i do? Is this all my fault am i to blame? Im losing my mind tryin to figure this out

 

You should forget about it.

 

Nether of you have a scintilla of respect for the other.

 

Move on and try to learn how to treat a girl before you go finding a new one.

[Jamone]

i wonder what she gets up to on drunken nights out when you're not around.

[chucksagent]

Dude, don't listen to this person saying "learn how to treat women." Women are like the Nazi's - tell a short lie long enough people will start to actually believe it. I am a VERY smart attorney who is SLOWLY figuring out womens game...and does anyone know what that is??? Not being fair/reasonable and having NO accountability.

 

I've dated girls that when THEY are wrong, they just blow up and want to leave. What does that tell you??? They are WRONG! If you are right, you want to stand strong and defend yoruself. Where is your girlfriends accountability in all this???

 

My SECRET key to relationship success is REVERSE the roles...let's say you were "comforting" a girl who had just been left by her boyfriend. And all of a sudden you start caressing her long/tan legs telling her how sexy she is and how she can have any guy she desires. Ask you girlfriend what she would have done?

 

Bottom line - she embarrassed you, she crossed a line, and she sounds like a girl who gets drunk and acts like a whore; So kudos for calling a spade a spade (I'm a believer people sugar coat EVERYTHING these days and for what purpose????) What does she act like when you AREN'T around??

 

Now here is my PRACTICAL solution. And ONLY you can answer this...Nobody on here can do it for you. Bottom line - people are shot, people are messed up, people make mistakes, people are selfish, people will hurt you...Is this girl worth the hurt that she will probably cause you again? I've learned in life you will NEVER meet someone perfect. I'm not, you're not, and your current girlfriend obviously isn't...but guess what brother...nobody else out there is either...Good Luck.

 

Side Story (to show what I mean): My last girlfriend was BRILLIANT with a super sexy body...but she was controlling, manipulative, a liar, wouldn't let me do ANYTHING, held sex over my head. My new girlfriend is average intelligence and ditzy at times, very sexy body MUCH more beautiful than my ex, NOT controlling, NOT manipulative, NOT a liar (caught her in a few white lies but all lies I also would have told in the situation), let's me do WHATEVER I want, NEVER turns me down for sex..BUT...sometimes her ditziness causes fights that my ex who is VERY smart would never have let happen...But life is all about tradeoffs...I'd rather the FULL package of my current girlfriend than my psycho ex.

[Cypress25]

You don't think calling her by her actual name would have gotten her attention?

 

You were just trying to embarrass her the way she embarrassed you. That's immature, especially since you were the sober one in this situation, but I'm glad you apologized. The thing is, an apology doesn't mean much when it's followed by a justification. "I'm sorry I called you a whore but you were embarrassing me" is an empty apology because you're saying that you still think you were right to call her a whore. The correct way to apologize: "I'm sorry I called you a whore." The end.

 

Now, as to her behavior. Of course it was disrespectful, but you have to ask yourself if she would have behaved that way if she was sober. If so, then it's a problem. If not, then you might try being a little more understanding. Drunk people don't have very good judgment, you know. If she gets drunk and acts this way on a regular basis, then it's a problem. But if this was a one-time thing, let it go. It's not likely to happen again.

[Star Gazer]

You don't think calling her by her actual name would have gotten her attention?

 

You were just trying to embarrass her the way she embarrassed you. That's immature, especially since you were the sober one in this situation, but I'm glad you apologized. The thing is, an apology doesn't mean much when it's followed by a justification. "I'm sorry I called you a whore but you were embarrassing me" is an empty apology because you're saying that you still think you were right to call her a whore. The correct way to apologize: "I'm sorry I called you a whore." The end.

 

Now, as to her behavior. Of course it was disrespectful, but you have to ask yourself if she would have behaved that way if she was sober. If so, then it's a problem. If not, then you might try being a little more understanding. Drunk people don't have very good judgment, you know. If she gets drunk and acts this way on a regular basis, then it's a problem. But if this was a one-time thing, let it go. It's not likely to happen again.

 

I completely agree.

[Eddie Edirol]

You werent wrong, but it seems to me that she is looking for a reason to break it off. So dont contact her, let her sweat it out. If she never contacts you again, you know whats going on. Thats the only way you can flip it back on her. Then you can make her apologize for acting that way when she starts looking for you.

[chucksagent]

Oh PLEASE!!! If she was drunk, let it go...Are you people insane???

 

That's seriously the WORST advice I've ever heard in my life...lol.

 

She was rubbing up on some guys 6 pack! As I said, if this gentleman were carressing some beautiful womans long/tan/sexy legs, would "being drunk" be a viable excuse to his girlfriend?!?

 

Bottom line - being drunk is not an excuse. Being drunk merely removes

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]Inhibition and everyone knows that. She likely wanted to touch this guys abs (no different than you would want to caress sexy legs) BUT as a human being we control ourselves. She felt it was ok to do this right in front of you and all your mutual friends.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]I am disgusted by it. And you say "Well haven't you ever done anything like this drunk?" And I would say "Yes, when I'm single, I've gotten drunk and done dumb things. But, I'm a believe when in a relationship you owe the person you love a higher duty of care and respect." [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]Just my two cents...but brother, you did nothing wrong. You mess with the bull you get the horns...you act like a whore, you may just get called a whore. That's what's sad about this country anymore - people HATE harsh truths...It's not like you called her a wizard or a racist - she acted like a whore and you called her on it. Why are you at fault AT ALL?!?!?[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]Immature...c'mon...I hate the whole "immature" card - this isn't high school or college who cares about "maturity." If you work and pay bills you're mature enough for me - and mature enough to know how to behave in a group setting...drinking or not.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[Marine_camaro]

Thank you for all the responses definitely cooled me off and helped me think about things and realize what I needed to do. We talked things out and over the past few days the strength of our relationship has grown because of this. Shes definitely worth fighting for so I'm glad I stuck it out and kept my cool.