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Relationship Guidance Needed


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Okay Internetz Im coming here as a absolute last resort,Because my relationship is kind of falling apart.

Here is a little backstory,

I have been dating this girl long distance for 8 months now,And before that I chose not to date anyone because I was "waiting for the one".Things between her and I had been great for 6 months.

 

I do everything for this girl all my friends say im completely whipped but in all honesty I truly love her,And all I want to do is make her happy.So I spend almost every waking hour thinking of things I can do for her you see im an artist so I do art for her,I write poetry for her and I buy gifts for her when I have spare cash.Im not in anyway saying I have been perfect to her I did make some mistakes in the relationship but I am human afterall...And when ever I do something wrong I obsess about it and beat myself up for hours.

 

Than in June I went to visit her for the first time and meet her parents and family and friends things were great we had fun,But when I got back things just werent the same with me I missed her so much and I got really depressed for a good week or so.And things between her and I took a steady downfall what first turned into "oh i miss you,thats why im so sad lets spend time together",So i would reach out to spend time with her but slowly we just started to drift apart the phone calls stopped almost completely the quality time where we would just sit and talk about our days vanished.And than we began to start having break up fights(meaning we fight and argue and she says "we are done")and than we would break up for like an hour and one of us would apologize and we would get back together sometimes with the help of her best friend.

 

Than the break up fights turned into "oh I want a break from you so I can find myself,I dont want to break up with you i just want some space"And i was fine with that because i wanted the same thing...But than when we would talk she would go and say things like,Oh i hate you,im not attracted to you anymore,i dont love you,im too pretty for you,your stupid,im not getting anything out of this relationship,And other hurtfull stuff like that.

 

And than she started to get really close with this friend and they even kissed a few times,I warned her that that friends intentions were to break us up but she doesnt listen,And she started to spend more and more time with this friend and less and less time with me she started to sleep over with this friend alot and meet up with this friend in the middle of the night and go to all these romantic places...but she would tell me about it.Now almost all communication has stopped the only thing i have really heard from her is something she told our friend to tell me which was "listen to this song Paramore-I caught myself it will tell you whats going on between her and this girl,And that she loves me she just would think its best if we didnt talk for a lil while so she can figure herself out".

 

 

But how i think of it is she still loves me,but she doesnt want to be with me,she is seeing other people but she doesnt wanna break my heart so she is sparing my feelings by keeping me on standby while she goes off and cheats on me with this girl.But to be honest i would rather a break up than to be kept on a hook.

 

(And the only real reason i dont end things with her is,I really truely love her just the thought of her makes me happy there is just something about her that i find irresistible and i still have hope for her and I for some reason and also im sending her an amazing gift to try and change her mind".

 

 

What should I do,Everytime I mention "we need to talk" she avoids it

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TH7...Let me start by saying that there are all kinds of opinions here on LS so take each one with a grain of salt, contemplate it and then make your own decision as to what you want to do.

 

In the meantime, here's one opinion to start you off. Think about this...would you ever sell your used car BEFORE buying a new one? Odds are you wouldn't and neither would your girlfriend. She is keeping you around as the used car while she looks (and has found) a new car (the new friend). Are you going to respect yourself if you stick around in this situation? If you valued your self worth you would insist to yourself that you need to be number one with any woman. If you are not, you break up with her. You said it best when you wrote...

 

"...keeping me on standby while she goes off and cheats on me with this girl.But to be honest i would rather a break up than to be kept on a hook."

 

Let's face it...you don't want to end it with this girl because of all the good times and you don't want to be alone. Who does? The point is she has basically already ended the relationship by her actions and is trying to make you so miserable that you do her dirty work for her, meaning break up with her.

 

I suggest you be very careful here. While trying to get you to do her dirty work for her the comments like "I hate you,im not attracted to you anymore,i dont love you,im too pretty for you,your stupid,im not getting anything out of this relationship", etc will scar you badly for your next relationship. It's best to get out now before she does anymore damage.

 

Here are some pointers for the future:

 

1. Avoid LDR at all costs.

2. Avoid doing everything for a woman. (Despite what all the movies and tv shows say about this, women will only respond to this for a short while before they tire of it.)

3. Any time a partner says something like "I need space", that means things are over.

4. Instead of looking at how much you like her, think more about how much she likes you. Look at current actions, not words or the good times of the past. How much she likes you right now is what matters the most. (Take a minute to think about this one, it goes deep.)

 

Best of luck to you on whatever you decide to do.

Edited by SelfControl
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