trust and dealing with the past

[briana]

I wasn't sure which category to put this is...basically I need advice on how to handle the issues in my relationship. I mostly keep them to myself although I feel my fiance can tell there's something hidden that bugs me. ...so its somewhat long but here it goes... me and my fiance were high school sweethearts. We started dating in 2004 and in 2005 I was shameful and cheated with my ex of four years... when your young you don't realize what you have just what you have lost...anyway he forgave me and we were together until graduation 2006 ...we always stayed close and in the same circle of friends and never really let go. We were some what off and on...he dated a lot and I was with the same man...for four years... we would secretly call each other and see each other and he always told me he loved me. However during this four years he slept with 23 women...and now we are back together and have been for over a year. Engaged. I love him I am so completely happy but I can't help being so hurt by his past. Especially not knowing and still having to face some of these women when we meet up with our friends and outings. It makes me feel like i am not going to be enough..and i also feel pressured to be half as pretty as the women he dated after. He had mulitple partners at once and although i normally would be willingly my jealousy over him gets in our way.I also have trust issues about it...that he would rather just go back to his simple partying and sleeping around. And I don't like feeling like the nagging girlfriend that doesn't want him out over my own insecurities...help???advice??

[Hazel_eyes]

Since you guys are engaged I personally would recommend some premarital counseling. Me and my husband did this, we didn't have any major issues but it was still very beneficial in learning more about each other. Doing premarital counseling will allow each of you to work through the trust issues that I am sure you both have given your past, help you communicate better, learn how to deal with your conflict in the best possible way, etc. It will open your eyes to whether or not you want to continue and get married, as well as work through the issues you have. A counselor will also help provide a safe place to discuss this while providing a neutral opinion.

 

It is important that you both deal with this stuff before you get married. Just because you put rings on your fingers doesn't mean jealousy, mistrust, and the other problems magically go away. Even if you won't go to counseling together at least get some individual counseling. You've obviously got some mistrust, jealousy, and self esteem issues need to be worked out. I wish you only the best of luck!