creighton0123 Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 I mostly post on the long distance relationship forums, but need to vent somewhere else. My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 months, 8 of which have been long distance (with 3 months long distance remaining). He recently returned for a short vacation and we went out to a club. I proceeded to drink my normal amount - a beer and four hard drinks over four hours (I rarely drink, but have a high tolerance). When we got home, I became fairly ill, threw up three times, went numb, and could not breathe. Boyfriend called 911 and I was taken to the hospital. I had started to and then had one very, very massive panic attack - the first ever in my life (27 years old). I have never suffered from depression or anxiety before. Quite the opposite, in fact. I am a very calm and optimistic person. Boyfriend was amazing. The entire situation was scary and embarrassing for me. I stopped breathing a few times. It was entirely jarring to him. He was there and let me grab his arm for so long and with such force that I left bruises. It is, in essence, our first deep dive. When we woke up this morning, we were both exhausted. He decided to go back to his place, needing some time to process everything since it is the first time in his life he has had to be there for somebody in that capacity. I was worried that the emotional intensity would cause him to withdraw - something that I believe is needless as we have plans tomorrow to meet up for dinner, a movie, me giving him keys to my place, and him spending the night. He also intentionally left personal items here (clothing, bag, passport). I hate the fact that I put him through all of that. I am trying to think about how to approach things as to not put a damper on the remainder of his vacation... Thoughts, advice, or similar experiences, anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
JohnM Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 I think you are over worrying. You need to realise that you just went through a scary process. One that was not your fault, and one which he supported you through. That's a good sign. I suggest you relax, and just make an extra effort to let him know you appreciate his help and support. You sound worried you put pressure on him, its not your fault, don't be thinking you have ruined the mood, It's all going to be fine. JUSt don't dwell on it too much. Try to forget it as much as you can, or your anxiety and the mood will become infectious, he'll probably just want to help you have a good time too. so just stay positive and I'm sure in no time at all you'll be all smiles together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author creighton0123 Posted August 8, 2011 Author Share Posted August 8, 2011 I think you are over worrying. You need to realise that you just went through a scary process. One that was not your fault, and one which he supported you through. That's a good sign. I suggest you relax, and just make an extra effort to let him know you appreciate his help and support. Thanks, John. I spoke to the on call therapist that came in that night this morning. After going through some previous examples where I have experienced stress in my life, she helped me realize that most of my anxiety has surfaced around my having pretty intense GERD, requiring three times a day medication to ease (not resolve) the symptoms. When I became sick that night, the alcohol intensified the emotions and caused the panic attack. I'm fine now and understand the triggers, will take better care of myself, and will be in generally good health. I was just ashamed, really. I've never had to have someone there for me in that capacity. It was a major role reversal for me... to be completely out of control of my own body and mind. What was only a few hours felt like weeks. Since then, I've spotted a few grey hairs :-P Anyhow, dinner, movie, and him spending the night tonight. I think we're back to our regular selves. Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 Glad you're feeling better, creighton. No need to be embarrassed. You gave your bf a precious opportunity to flex his caregiving muscle. FWIW, most S.O.s like being there for the other, especially during moments of crisis--feeling wanted and all that. You know. Enjoy the love and compassion. It's good stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
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