Ross MwcFan Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 Let's say a relationship, where both people love each other. And there are no problems. And nothing would ever seriously go wrong in the relationship, like one of them cheating on the other, one of them becoming a drug addict, or one of them totally loosing interest in sex, etc. What is the likelyhood of them splitting up, like one of them just loosing interest in the other, falling out of love, whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 I believe the current rate of divorce is something like 55%. For non-married relationships, I think the odds of a breakup are about 80%. Link to post Share on other sites
Casablanca Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 You can't really guess; too many variables...most relationships do end, but not all, if you are in this situation, dont worry about it, you'll do the relationship more harm than good Link to post Share on other sites
JohnM Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 Even a minor thing can break a seemingly strong relationship. My own seemed on rocks yesterday after a seemingly innocuous argument caused by her insecurity and flared up anxiety and paranoia. Personality and emotional capability can be just as weak a link as someone's resolve to stay commited. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 Me and my ex were totally solid for many years, we both thought nothing would come between us, one of those couples everyone said were made for each other. We were very like minded, still are, it wasn't a huge change in the way we were as people which split us up, it was because I got so involved in my work (with birds) that I neglected him terribly, assumed he'd always be there, took him for granted massively. His feelings for me wore away as he felt I didn't love or need him anymore. We went for help but it was too late. It was heartbreaking for us both. We still meet regularly, both have new partners, both love each other as friends and always will. Together 18 years, known him for 21 years. I think people lose interest in the other or fall out of love for so many reasons, assuming neither has changed personalities or their beliefs to such an extent they're no longer compatible. In my case, neglect/took him for granted, I was too busy and stressed for sex much the last 3 years with him, but when we did have sex it was still wonderful. I would say never ever take your partner for granted, show them you love them regularly, make them feel loved, needed, wanted and special, they might not always be there for whatever reason, so make the most of each other. Do things for them they're not expecting, thoughtful surprises. Make sure you do things together, see friends together, do varied things, as well as doing your own thing and seeing your own friends. Make time for each other and time for sex and intimacy. Be spontaneous sometimes too, have sex when you least expect it Show/tell them you appreciate them and the things they do, whether it's cos they've cleaned the bathroom, or cooked, or given you a thoughtful surprise. Show an interest in the things they enjoy. Listen to each other without getting angry when there's a problem. Be there for each other, support and care for each other. Shared humour is very important IMO LTR's take work and effort, keeping the passion alive is important. Be best friends as well as partners to each other. Probably a load more that I've forgotten, not that you asked as such Let's say a relationship, where both people love each other. And there are no problems. And nothing would ever seriously go wrong in the relationship, like one of them cheating on the other, one of them becoming a drug addict, or one of them totally loosing interest in sex, etc. What is the likelyhood of them splitting up, like one of them just loosing interest in the other, falling out of love, whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross MwcFan Posted August 6, 2011 Author Share Posted August 6, 2011 Why split up though if it was heartbreaking for the both of you? Link to post Share on other sites
JohnM Posted August 7, 2011 Share Posted August 7, 2011 Because they had lost their connection I guess. The damage had been done over a long period of time and I suppose they just couldn't get it back to the way it was or how they wanted once the dynamic of their relationship had changed. I totally understand what you must have gone through, but the points you made have really made me think about my own situation more, what you say rings true and is full of simple wisdoms and truth. You never realise what you have some times until its either too late, or its gone. Relationships are tough, sometimes I wonder if I'm cut out for it. If I can keep doing it. It takes a lot of strength to keep going in such a physical and mentally engaging thing. Sometimes its too much. Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted August 7, 2011 Share Posted August 7, 2011 Why split up though if it was heartbreaking for the both of you? Even though it's heartbreaking, some relationships need to end. The romantic relationship is no longer working, though you can still love each other as individuals. Part of the sadness comes from mourning the dream you'd be together forever. Plus, separating after living/being together for a length of time can be so difficult. You've grown used to each other, know one another's quirks. Yet, when it's over, staying together can be even more painful. Better to separate and preserve what good feelings remain. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted August 7, 2011 Share Posted August 7, 2011 For non-married relationships, I think the odds of a breakup are about 80%. So, you think you only have to date 5 people to find "The One"? Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted August 7, 2011 Share Posted August 7, 2011 So, you think you only have to date 5 people to find "The One"? Where did you get that number from? BTW, I was only talking about a LTR, not a casual thing. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted August 7, 2011 Share Posted August 7, 2011 Exactly this >Because they had lost their connection I guess. The damage had been done over a long period of time and I suppose they just couldn't get it back to the way it was or how they wanted once the dynamic of their relationship had changed< Neither of us wanted to split up, we both tried so hard to get things back on track, but he kept saying 'I'm worried it's too late'. He hinted for years he wasn't happy, and I didn't take him seriously until it was too late. I bitterly regretted it, I didn't want to lose him, I wanted to be with him for life. I think maybe also the fact I was his first gf may also have come into the equation, and in the lead up to the split someone he'd had a crush on 12 years earlier (a friend of mine from back then) came back into our lives, and they got together a few months after we split. He also left me twice around the same time 12 years ago, although nothing happened with her, he left as he thought he was no longer in love with me, we'd got into a rut, after he came back the 2nd time we made much more effort with each other again and were happier than ever for many years, he no longer had a crush on her, he said in hindsight he had still been in love with me, that it was easier to tell himself he wasn't, so that he could leave, he couldn't believe he'd ever left me, couldn't live without me and said he'd never leave me again. He is a wonderful and extremely dependable and (mostly) stable person, however he had a very abusive upbringing and him feeling no longer loved or needed by me would have hit him deeply, he deserved more than I was giving him. He's never blamed me though. I asked a few times whether it was purely my neglect or were there any other reasons, ie this other woman and he said no, purely that he felt neglected. So unless he's lying to himself and me, then I don't believe he left me to be with her, however my neglect was the catalyst that made him leave and then turn to her. He was also hitting 40, so maybe it was a time of needing to make changes where he wasn't happy. I've learnt from my mistakes and am trying my best to not make these mistakes again, and I'm sure my ex is doing the same in his r/ship-mostly speaking out more when there is a problem. I've learned big time that you don't realise what you have until it's gone, to never take someone for granted or assume they'll always be there. I now feel if WE split up then no couple is 100% solid, which I'm sure isn't true, but it has left me feeling more insecure (and jaded/cynical about r/ships lasting) which I'm having to work on now. He asked me what do I think made me start to immerse myself so fully in my work that I had no time for him (or my friends or anything else) and I've thought long and hard and still don't know, he wonders if I wasn't happy in the r/ship myself and turned my attention elsewhere, but I just don't know, but it's not something I'll make a mistake with again. R/ships do take a lot of effort and I think we hadn't realised that, they need nurturing and attention, they don't just happen by themselves, they require time and energy. It's important to have space in a r/ship, to have a balance of all things in your life, to not focus totally on them all the time, but focus on work, friends, hobbies as well, have a life outside of them as well as the life you share with them. I got the balance wrong, so did he for a long time as he was too focussed on our r/ship (before our problems started) and not enough on things outside of us. Maybe you're focussed TOO much on your r/ship if you're finding it quite draining (?)/'too much'. We became like brother and sister the last 3 years or so, you do have to work at keeping passion alive, our r/ship had gone into a deeper level, but the passion was rare, that's something I regretted, I kept saying/thinking we'll have sex soon, must make time for it, but I didn't Because they had lost their connection I guess. The damage had been done over a long period of time and I suppose they just couldn't get it back to the way it was or how they wanted once the dynamic of their relationship had changed. I totally understand what you must have gone through, but the points you made have really made me think about my own situation more, what you say rings true and is full of simple wisdoms and truth. You never realise what you have some times until its either too late, or its gone. Relationships are tough, sometimes I wonder if I'm cut out for it. If I can keep doing it. It takes a lot of strength to keep going in such a physical and mentally engaging thing. Sometimes its too much. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted August 7, 2011 Share Posted August 7, 2011 Spot on cerridwen! Even though it's heartbreaking, some relationships need to end. The romantic relationship is no longer working, though you can still love each other as individuals. Part of the sadness comes from mourning the dream you'd be together forever. Plus, separating after living/being together for a length of time can be so difficult. You've grown used to each other, know one another's quirks. Yet, when it's over, staying together can be even more painful. Better to separate and preserve what good feelings remain. Link to post Share on other sites
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