Strong women: a turn-off or a turn-on?

[RecordProducer]

Do you men prefer a woman who is fragile, sensitive, meek, romantic and needs you to protect her? Or do you get turned on by a strong, confident, independent woman?

 

A woman who says more often "Yeah, well... I think you're right" or a woman who knows what she wants and what she's doing? A woman who smiles nervously while she removes the bangs from her face or a woman who stands straight and looks you in the eye?

 

You get what the crux of my question is...

 

Please assume that the "fragile" woman is not full of issues and baggage, and the strong woman is not the kind that would chew your head off if you disagree with her. We consider both types as wonderful, all-else-equal personalities. E.g they're both hold the same job, love kids, cook, clean, etc.

[Feelin Frisky]

I take them one at a time and like a lot of female wiles and ways. I dated someone--well more than someone--but the one i think of most was this very bossy blond Jewish chick. As long as she didn't turn it on me I was very please with it. She had no reservations about "taking over" things in the social scene in which we met. (It might have worked out but she turned out to have a breath problem I couldn't abide). But I also like the quiet submissive too. I don't like when it goes too far in that direction and you can't get a committed answer out of her on anything. I'm not that into "anything you say or you decide"--I don't like to dominate but I'm not submissive so I do kinda what some "identity" on the other side so I can really understand where I am with her.

[jerbear]

Short answer is strong women.

 

They are more determined, more fun, and I can push their buttons.

[RecordProducer]

I'm not that into "anything you say or you decide"--I don't like to dominate but I'm not submissive so I do kinda what some "identity" on the other side so I can really understand where I am with her.

Interesting answer! Thanks.

 

Short answer is strong women.

 

They are more determined, more fun, and I can push their buttons.

Hahahahah!

 

I am starting to believe, based on my entire life experience, that conflict is the essential motivator of any action in all aspects of human existence.

[CARER4U]

I am new here.I Pay my own Bills and have a job that I am dedicated to, for the past 19years. Is this a put off to men or A turn on? In the fact that I am independent and dont need a man to pay my bills?

[thehead]

You've bundled some good stuff in there with the meek woman (sensitivity and wanting a bit of "protection" being two) but overall, I'm most attracted to a strong woman who won't let me get too out of line.

[D-Lish]

In my experience, it's been a turn off.

 

I was just posting about my ex, he was your stereotypical "nice guy" to a degree (not without issues- but if you met him you'd say- "he's a nice guy")

 

I was explaining a few situations where I had to take control because he couldn't.

 

For instance- We were at a restaurant having dinner, and a group of teenagers started crowding our table, putting their empties and new drinks on our table- and we were on a freaking date having dinner! I spoke up and took control over the situation- I got up, moved all their drinks to an empty table. One dude came back (19ish- and my bf's upper 30's)... and got confrontational. My bf shrunk into his chair- and I handled it. I told the kid outright that him and his friends were being disrespectful. The kid turned to my bf and said "your gf's a b*itch eh"? And he said nothing. I had to diffuse the situation.

 

I think he was attracted to my confidence initially, yet repelled by it after a couple of months.

 

In my experience- strong men are okay with dating strong women- but are there really a lot of "strong" men out there that are actually single??

[Woggle]

It depends on what you mean by strong women. That phrase can have a whole lot of meanings depending on who says it.

[thehead]

It depends on what you mean by strong women. That phrase can have a whole lot of meanings depending on who says it.

 

Thinking of D-lish's post above, a negative interpretation of "strong confident independent woman" comes to mind...the ball buster type.

 

Instinctually, I'd defend my girl in the situation D-lish described.

It's nuts to think of someone calling your date/gf/wife "a bitch" and you do nothing.

What would really chap my hide is if my gf then got upset with me for handling it, saying "I had hat. I WAS handling that."

So, what am I suppose to do? Hold your purse?

[D-Lish]

Thinking of D-lish's post above, a negative interpretation of "strong confident independent woman" comes to mind...the ball buster type.

 

Instinctually, I'd defend my girl in the situation D-lish described.

It's nuts to think of someone calling your date/gf/wife "a bitch" and you do nothing.

What would really chap my hide is if my gf then got upset with me for handling it, saying "I had hat. I WAS handling that."

So, what am I suppose to do? Hold your purse?

 

Do you consider my actions as being a "ball buster type"...?

In a negative way? I never said anything to my bf afterward. He actually told the story to his best friend and his best friend said he would have done the same thing I did... (probably not a good self esteem booster for a guy eh?)

 

I didn't yell at the guys- I just said what was what. I used to be a counsellor- so I just assert myself, I don't get confrontational- and I know how to diffuse confrontation.

 

There was another time when we were out for dinner and ANOTHER group of kids came into the pub and took a table beside us- they asked us to move to they could spread out, but we had just gotten our dinner and the place was packed and there was no where to move to. He got up immediately with his plate looking for another place to sit- I said NO. "We'll be done in half an hour, then you can have our table..."

 

He thought I was unreasonable for that.

 

Does that make me a ball buster? Because I assert myself?

It might- I don't know, All I know is that I'd like to date a guy that would say the things I know need to be said BEFORE me having to do it.

[thehead]

Do you consider my actions as being a "ball buster type"...?

In a negative way? I never said anything to my bf afterward. He actually told the story to his best friend and his best friend said he would have done the same thing I did... (probably not a good self esteem booster for a guy eh?)

 

I didn't yell at the guys- I just said what was what. I used to be a counsellor- so I just assert myself, I don't get confrontational- and I know how to diffuse confrontation.

 

There was another time when we were out for dinner and ANOTHER group of kids came into the pub and took a table beside us- they asked us to move to they could spread out, but we had just gotten our dinner and the place was packed and there was no where to move to. He got up immediately with his plate looking for another place to sit- I said NO. "We'll be done in half an hour, then you can have our table..."

 

He thought I was unreasonable for that.

 

Does that make me a ball buster? Because I assert myself?

It might- I don't know, All I know is that I'd like to date a guy that would say the things I know need to be said BEFORE me having to do it.

 

Straight up, I feel bad you had to deal with those situations on your own.

It just strikes me as fundamentally wrong for a guy not to step in and I'm sorry if the feminists hate me for it.

 

You weren't a ball buster for standing up for yourself either time.

I'm thinking of the type of woman who would give me a rash of **** for getting involved alongside her as though it's an affront to her independence and strength.

It just sucks hearing what a schmuck the guy was to you.

[D-Lish]

Straight up, I feel bad you had to deal with those situations on your own.

It just strikes me as fundamentally wrong for a guy not to step in and I'm sorry if the feminists hate me for it.

 

You weren't a ball buster for standing up for yourself either time.

I'm thinking of the type of woman who would give me a rash of **** for getting involved alongside her as though it's an affront to her independence and strength.

It just sucks hearing what a schmuck the guy was to you.

 

I think I made him feel emasculated sometimes. I'm assertive- never mean- like I wasn't a drunk that tried to start fights- but if someone was ever being disrespectful- I'd address it. I think he HATED that.

[thehead]

I think I made him feel emasculated sometimes. I'm assertive- never mean- like I wasn't a drunk that tried to start fights- but if someone was ever being disrespectful- I'd address it. I think he HATED that.

 

Different styles, that's all. He sounds pretty passive while you'll stand your ground.

It's just incompatibility, nothing you did wrong.

[carhill]

I happened to have been married to a hard-scrabble, street-smart, strong woman for a decade. Had her nurturing and empathetic side been more pronounced and not withered under the life challenges we faced, we'd probably still be married.

 

I was socialized by a strong, independent woman who lived out her life as a widow alone and completely happy, prior to becoming demented. I have always seen such attributes as positives, from a young age.

 

After a decade or two of such women blowing by me to attract men whom they felt were in their 'league', I decided that my socialization and personal growth was out of sync with society and pursued a different path for awhile before meeting my exW. I still notice such women but they don't really stir my loins anymore. That time is past. Neutrality.

[D-Lish]

Different styles, that's all. He sounds pretty passive while you'll stand your ground.

It's just incompatibility, nothing you did wrong.

 

 

Maybe. It bothered me like crazy when that 19 year old dude said to my bf "you're gf's a bitch eh?" I paused for a while- but he had nothing to say- I had to handle it.

[thehead]

Maybe. It bothered me like crazy when that 19 year old dude said to my bf "you're gf's a bitch eh?" I paused for a while- but he had nothing to say- I had to handle it.

 

It should have. That goes beyond being passive IMO. I don't get it personally so I'm sorry I don't have more insight to offer.

 

I just know, if that's your style, it's nice having someone match it.

My last gf and I were compatible along these lines and

I loved feeling like I had someone really on my side.

 

But do you know women similar to what I described? Women who would be offended if I tried to defend them? I've only run into it once to be honest.

[D-Lish]

It should have. That goes beyond being passive IMO. I don't get it personally so I'm sorry I don't have more insight to offer.

 

I just know, if that's your style, it's nice having someone match it.

My last gf and I were compatible along these lines and

I loved feeling like I had someone really on my side.

 

But do you know women similar to what I described? Women who would be offended if I tried to defend them? I've only run into it once to be honest.

 

No, I don't- crazy~ eh?

I think most women LOVE being protected.

I'm safest and happiest when I am with a man that has that protective instinct.

[thehead]

No, I don't- crazy~ eh?

I think most women LOVE being protected.

I'm safest and happiest when I am with a man that has that protective instinct.

 

Thanks for answering. That's good to know.

[D-Lish]

No, I don't- crazy~ eh?

I think most women LOVE being protected.

I'm safest and happiest when I am with a man that has that protective instinct.

 

However, I generally date men that don't offer this.

Something is wrong with me that I haven't gotten to the bottom of it , that's for sure.

[thehead]

However, I generally date men that don't offer this.

Something is wrong with me that I haven't gotten to the bottom of it , that's for sure.

 

I hope you find someone to make you feel safe in your relationship and protected when you need it, and most of all, okay just being you.

 

Good luck.

[jerbear]

Interesting answer! Thanks.

 

Hahahahah!

 

I am starting to believe, based on my entire life experience, that conflict is the essential motivator of any action in all aspects of human existence.

I had a discussion about that with my its complicated friend. I told her I like strong and take charge women with a hint of being a "mom." I just can't deal with nagging women.

 

In my experience- strong men are okay with dating strong women- but are there really a lot of "strong" men out there that are actually single??

 

I have to say no, most of the newly minted men are not "strong" when it comes to your definition. Many of them were raised to be politically correct and non-confrontational. I have no problems with "sharing Thursdays" and "friend Fridays" being taught in Kindergarten or First grade but after awhile the guys need to stand up for themselves and for what they believe in. I do not know if it is the upbringing, the BPA in the plastic bottles, hormones, or whatever.

[jerbear]

However, I generally date men that don't offer this.

Something is wrong with me that I haven't gotten to the bottom of it , that's for sure.

 

I don't know if you would like a protective man that locks you up in a "mushroom"? I guess your masculine side can overwhelm the weaker personality. I think it is your environment and your life experiences that made you who you are.

[carhill]

D, IMO, your want and attraction aren't matching up, kinda like the period where I swore strong women were who I wanted yet was attracted to broken ones, perhaps like your young friend when I was her age. Marked difference between attraction and want. Perhaps that dichotomy resolves or perhaps not; life experience usually provides the signposts and tools to manage it. In my case, the clear demarcation was MC. I can still feel the tug of the unhealthy but I just ignore it. It's a choice.

[Els]

I don't personally think D-Lish's scenario - confrontation - has anything to do with being strong or not. I think many of us misinterpret being confrontational as being strong, and being avoidant as weak. But really, sometimes people avoid confrontation not because they are scared of the opponent, but simply because they feel he/she is not worthy of anything except being ignored.

 

For example, if a stranger came up to my face and insulted me, I would ignore him. Does that make me weak? I don't think so. People like those teens, who are purposefully rude to strangers, are most often doing it to get a rise out of them. Being confrontational is only playing into their hands.

[carhill]

In D's scenario, based on my experiences with my exW and past girlfriends, it would have been a united front. However, had I seen marked fear in the expressions or behavior of the woman I was with, the man inspiring that fear would have a bit of a problem on his hands, and have. I don't think D was projecting that kind of scenario; she appeared to be annoyed with the insolent teenagers. Thus, merely a customer service issue easily resolved personally or through the business operator. I like a woman who stands up for herself, and I stand with her and expect the same. If we're a couple, we stand together.