rafeal Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 I haven't dated for some time, and I find relationships difficult. I am a very vocal person who likes to discuss things and get feedback. I also don't want to spread gossip. Is it right to ask your friends for relationship advice, or should you keep it to yourself so as not to let it get around? Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 I haven't dated for some time, and I find relationships difficult. I am a very vocal person who likes to discuss things and get feedback. I also don't want to spread gossip. Is it right to ask your friends for relationship advice, or should you keep it to yourself so as not to let it get around? I would suggest going to see a counselor or a dating coach. They can give you unbiased feedback, and they are confidential. No risk of your issues or insecurities going around the gossip mill. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 I choose a couple of friends who I fully trust and who I know will keep their mouths shut. Link to post Share on other sites
SillyS Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 This is tricky. You don't want to get into the habit of communicating your issues with others and then getting the false belief that your problems are solved. Friends and family can't fix or understand your relationship as they are not there every single day or comprehend your bond. Thus their advice is one-sided, it will be in the interest of you but most relationships of any sort have more than one side as there is more than one individual. But on the other side, someone that only talks to that person or even in a friendship doesn't seek outside advice on matters will put themselves in a situation where they get no clarity from others on their relationship. So my advice is, talk to a man and woman. Friend or family, but get both genders opinions. I like talking to one of my friends, that is a female that is sort of like me-not sensitive, strong personality so she can give me the advice because she is like me but emotionally withdrawn from my relationship or friendship. It works for me, I think its genius. And one guy friend, he's a bit more like a female than me, so it works for me to get his sensitive but yet manly opinion on matters. I don't really tell my family much, they are a traditional east african family that is very willing to set people on fire for me, so to them, I don't date and men don't baffle me with their ridic crap! Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 I've found that discussing things with old friends in other cities who have different social circles is a good way to air it without it complicating things further. Bear in mind everyone has their own view and neurosis, and so their advice is never neutral. The act of explaining it to someone else is good in itself, in my experience. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 I've found that discussing things with old friends in other cities who have different social circles is a good way to air it without it complicating things further. Bear in mind everyone has their own view and neurosis, and so their advice is never neutral. The act of explaining it to someone else is good in itself, in my experience. This is all my experience, too. Link to post Share on other sites
akazid Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 I've found that discussing things with old friends in other cities who have different social circles is a good way to air it without it complicating things further. Bear in mind everyone has their own view and neurosis, and so their advice is never neutral. The act of explaining it to someone else is good in itself, in my experience. Same. My 'best friends' are about 1,000 miles away. That circle grew from 2 brothers to the brothers, their sister, and one of the brother's wifes. Excellent circle of friends and people who have their head on straight. I've also developed a way better friendship with my brother since moving 250 miles away (yea, it's odd). I doubt that such a circle of good friends would have developed if they'd live nearby as I'm a very private person and rarely vent frustrations in person or appear frustrated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rafeal Posted July 30, 2011 Author Share Posted July 30, 2011 Thanks everyone! Good advice all around. I agree with the family advice being biased. They don't want to see me get hurt and recommend I bail every time things get strange. Taking that advice, I will be single forever... Link to post Share on other sites
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