brittany Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Hi..My names brittany and i just wanted to get some opinions on things. Me and my husband were seperated for 10 months with him being in military. He was sent to Germany so I had to wait on my orders to get there..I have now been here for 9 months and i keep catching him looking at naked pictures on the internet. When i confronted him on it and told him that it hurt my feelings and made me feel like i was not good enough he apologized and said it wouldn't happen again and that it had nothing to do with me. I started checking the history and he looks at it like 1 every two days or so..sometimes everyday. So i confronted him again and he apologized and for a week everything was good and then he started deleting his history. Needless to say I've been going through this since I've been here..I found a message he wrote to one of his buddies talking about how beautiful the women are here and once you see them you automatically want to make them your wife..Thats how he put it..He was also asking how the women looked over there where his buddy was at. I found naked pictures saved on our computer and it was saved under c-d-n logs for work..I had to tell him to delete them which he didnt.a couple of months later I looked to see if it was still there and he had added more pictures. I've really wanted to get opinions on what to do or what he's thinking..I told him last time that if he started looking again i was going to leave him. I woke up this morning to use the restroom and he had just gotten home from p.t..I heard him at the computer came in here and he was beating off to the pictures. I didn't even know he'd ever masturbated to them until today.He said it was the first time but i dont believe him..Should i leave? I told him if he looked again i was going to and then i caught him masturbating to them and I've cried to him mulitple times over how it hurts my feelings and how i dont like him looking. Anything helps ..Thanks Oh also he has to masturbate before he goes to bed everynight!! not sure what thats about Link to post Share on other sites
neglected Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Are you having enough sex with him? The reason I ask this is my wife does not and we men tend to seek other avenues if we are not getting it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brittany Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 Well we're still young. We have sex at least every couple of days. Like we had sex last night and i woke up to the whole masturbation thing.I'm 19 and he's 21 Link to post Share on other sites
oldguy Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 (edited) Porn can be an addiction just like cigarettes, booze, gambling. I'm not saying it is in his case, I simply don't know. I was a substance abuse counselor several years ago & the clinic I worked for asked me to consider adding porn & sex addiction therapy to my... credentials. I took a few classes but decided not to pursue it any further. so I really don't know that much other than it can be an addiction and it sounds like he is telling you the truth when he says 'it has nothing to do with you or how he feels about you'. Most addictions do not present themselves until they begin to effect the people around them in a negative way, as in your case; you have told him it bothers you several times, he has attempted to stop but now has resorted to trying to hide it from you. That has all of the earmarks of an addiction for sure. If he was a substance abuser I could give you suggestions but I don't know how much of that action applies here, I would imagine it's pretty much the same. If he where a substance abuser I would tell you to; Get help for him; AA, get support for yourself; Al-Anon and go from there. The other problem is; you are not in the U.S. so I have no idea what is even available where you are. I'm sorry I couldn't be more help. Edited July 14, 2011 by oldguy Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 (edited) Hi Brittany! I am SO SORRY you are experiencing this stuff in your marriage. I know it is stressful and confusing and painful. You do need to get resolution for yourself so you don't experience this painful state of mind over the long term, that is not healthy for you. It sounds like you guys may have different sex drives (his being higher). At that age, many guys want to have sex every day. That could be issue # 1. You have to find a happy medium where both parties dig it. And, the law of the universe is, - he is going to masterbate if he isn't getting enough sex. Here's another funny fact...... He may still masterbate even if he IS getting enough sex!! Masterbation varies from person to person. Sometimes it is simply a stress reliever. Men overall usually have more sexual energy to release, and they have to have a release. And, men are more visual. Thus porn comes into play in the situation. You know, back in the olden days, the first half of this century, before internet and widespread porn, they just looked at the models in their mom's Sears or JC Penny catalog, the bra and underwear sections. Sexy stuff ! LOL BUT, the problem is you are unhappy over all of this, and that can't be discounted. Yes, alot of women feel 'not good enough' when they find their man looking at porn. That is a natural human reaction - jealousy. So, your jealous reactions are NORMAL. He would probably experience it too, if he walked in on you materbating to pictures of muscular well hung studs on the computer. This threats the human EGO. It's human nature. The bigger problem now is, the LYING on his part. He may feel backed into a corner having had his computer porn stash discovered and disapproved of. Or, he may also be a liar by nature. Now, that would be a REAL problem for your marriage long term. And, it takes time to discover a really good liar. Took me years to discover it about my husband. I was dumb, and he was a good liar. Maybe at this point you guys should talk to someone (a counselor) about where you are at in this relationship to try to get back to more honest communication instead of his lying when under scrutiny. I know his comment about wanting to instantly marry the beautiful women he sees in the country you guys are stationed in - I know that hurt. But it could have been something said without thinking much. Or it could represent more, such as he is immature or not fully engaged in the marriage with you. Hard to say. This is why at this part, speaking to a counselor might help. Especially since you guys are so young, and having recently been separated for so long and just now back together again. There is such thing as Porn Addiction. Maybe a counselor could better determine if he is headed down this road or already there. There are probably also other threads around here about guys and porn, you should search around find those and read them too. The biggest thing for YOUR mental health - Don't let hurt feelings fester and end up getting you seriuosly depressed. You have to have honest open communication about your feelings with him and that will be true all throughtout your marriage. Read up around here, there are many threads about porn here and advice much better than mine. Educate yourself, this is a good place to start. Good luck! p.s. I just went back and read "old guy's" comments. He is pretty smart, I'm sure he's right - your husband's lying about his porn and hiding it is the biggest indicator it could be an addiction for him. Edited July 14, 2011 by Forever Learning Link to post Share on other sites
Author brittany Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 Thank all of you so much..I've told him i thought he had a porn addiction before but he denied it and said he didn't have one..I guess that could be him hiding it from me or being scared to admit it. But then i think maybe he just doesn't care what it does to me or the relationship. I don't know what to do. He's acted like nothing happened today and then gets mad at me if i bring it up.Because " he already apologized" I dont think he should be getting mad at me. He has no right to. But once again thanks for the advice and opinions i appreciate it =) Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 with the feelings you are experiencing i think you should seek counseling on your own to better determine what is going on here in your marriage. I think your husbands behavior is off and a counselor could get to the bottom of it with you. He may have already emotionally 'checked out' of the relationship from the sounds of his attitude towards you. You need outside help to get a real sound perspective on whats going on here. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Please feel free to review any of my threads, and plenty that I have posted on, porn addiction can be and is a very serious thing that just degrades sexuality over time. It is very damaging to relationships and has been a nuclear inferno to mine, as well please feel free to email me anytime: [email protected] No that isn't my real name. Link to post Share on other sites
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