whenitsmyturn Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 I have been in an on and off relationship for two years, more off then on...right now we are together, but there have been a lot of things that have happened, but I am still in it...first I received emails that he is a cheater, I confronted him, he told me not to believe it and that he was going to get to the bottom of it....we broke up for a while because I couldn't deal with it, we got back together, then yesterday his ex girlfriend showed up at his brothers house while we were celebrating the fourth of July, he took off with her...when I confronted him he said he left with her, cause he didn't want her yelling and making a scense....he says he took care of it, I don't know what to do should I stay in this relationship? he tells me he loves me and that he wants to marry me, but all this things that surfing are making me think twice, and everytime I try to break up with him...he just brushes me off....Please help ME! what should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 The old saying is 'where there's smoke, there's fire'. I have found this usually to be true. So my guess is he is probably cheating. Unfortunately it can take so long to actually catch someone at this. You often have to go with your gut feeling or you can be stuck with someone forever trying to get hard proof. All I needed to know about your situation is that you are emotionally drained from it. That means you need to get out of it, plain and simple. I stayed in a 15 year nightmare with a pathological liar. I was emotionally and physically drained the entire 15 years. I got cancer around year 8 from it. Your body will buckle under this type of stress, and you will probably get sick one way or another. Also, the hormones released from stress (cortisol) can make you gain weight in the long term, yet another health issue. Relationships are NOT meant to be 'walking on eggshells' and 'draining'. That is a sign you are in a bad one. You need to set boundaries within your relationships in the future. You should also try to develop a support system of friends or join a women's support group to help you discover yourself and the things you want in life and in a relationship. A support group will give you a sounding board in which to explore these issues and learn more from others. If he rides off with an ex-girlfriend like he did without explanation or consulting you to make sure this was acceptable to you, that is a sign you need to move on. It's disrespectful. And it will only continue and get worse as he takes further advantage of you. Also this information may help empower you and help you feel less alone in your situation: http://www.lisaescott.com/ Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whenitsmyturn Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 Thank you for your advice, I just don't know how, I have tried to get out of it but I always find myself back in the relationship, I have blocked him so he can't contact me, but he always finds a way to find me, I feel the only way is if I move to another state....which I feel I shouldn't have to. but I just have to be stronger, thank you again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whenitsmyturn Posted July 8, 2011 Author Share Posted July 8, 2011 Thank you for your advice, I just don't know how, I have tried to get out of it but I always find myself back in the relationship, I have blocked him so he can't contact me, but he always finds a way to find me, I feel the only way is if I move to another state....which I feel I shouldn't have to. but I just have to be stronger, thank you again. so we have agreed to have NC for three weeks, to decide what's the best for us, I am hoping I won't hear from him again, that he decides to move on with out me. I am keeping my fingers crossed. wish me luck.... Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 so we have agreed to have NC for three weeks, to decide what's the best for us, I am hoping I won't hear from him again, that he decides to move on with out me. I am keeping my fingers crossed. wish me luck.... well of course i do wish you luck! however, life takes more than luck. you've got to hop into the driver's seat of your own life and take charge. if you want him out of your life, you don't have to sit and worry whether or not he will come back. when he does come back (and he will), you have got to stay no contact until he gets the message and moves on. if he harasses you or stalks you (i think he may do both in your situation, i just have a feeling about his personality type), do not be afraid to contact law enforcement and utilize anti-stalking laws and restraining orders to keep him away. and this is where no contact is important. you can't reason with, talk to, beg and plead, or play nice with guys like this. you really have to go no contact so he will finally get bored and move on. every time you have conversation with him or interact with him you will give him hope he can persuade you to come back to him. once a dated a guy for a month, and when i decided to stop dating him, he stalked me for 2 years. this is why i mention law enforcement if necessary. keep reading around here about no contact. this place is a great support system. all the best to you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author whenitsmyturn Posted July 8, 2011 Author Share Posted July 8, 2011 well of course i do wish you luck! however, life takes more than luck. you've got to hop into the driver's seat of your own life and take charge. if you want him out of your life, you don't have to sit and worry whether or not he will come back. when he does come back (and he will), you have got to stay no contact until he gets the message and moves on. if he harasses you or stalks you (i think he may do both in your situation, i just have a feeling about his personality type), do not be afraid to contact law enforcement and utilize anti-stalking laws and restraining orders to keep him away. and this is where no contact is important. you can't reason with, talk to, beg and plead, or play nice with guys like this. you really have to go no contact so he will finally get bored and move on. every time you have conversation with him or interact with him you will give him hope he can persuade you to come back to him. once a dated a guy for a month, and when i decided to stop dating him, he stalked me for 2 years. this is why i mention law enforcement if necessary. keep reading around here about no contact. this place is a great support system. all the best to you! Thank you again! great advice, Link to post Share on other sites
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