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Should old love letters from ex-partners be kept once you are with someone new?


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Hi everyone,

 

I'm interested to know whether you think old love letters, from ex partners, should be kept, or thrown out, especially if you are now with a new partner.

 

Do you think they should be kept as a sweet reminder of a former chapter in your life, or for sentimental reasons? Or should they be thrown out, for a complete let go of the past and fresh beginning with someone new?

 

I have kept my old letters, and so has my partner kept his. We don't keep them in the home we share, however, and have stored them at our parents places.

 

We are planning on getting married, and lately I have been feeling a little uncomfortable knowing he still has letters somewhere from his ex-wife. I've been wondering if, especially on starting a marriage, we should both throw out our old love letters and just keep those we have given to each other.

 

Thoughts, personal experiences?

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I still have all of my love letters that were ever given to me..... my ex husband and I were High school sweethearts and had been together for 13 years. We conceived 2 children and Ill tell you right now.... im glad I didnt throw them away..... despite my ex's and mines disagreements and faults etc.... with one another.... and despite all the dark days.... I can honestly sit down with my kids and show them just how passionate their father and I once were.... and that it wasnt always bad..... yeh sure my kids sit and giggle at how "geeky" we spoke to eachother.... but now i can enjoy them with my kids.... especially my daughter..... both kids know its over between their father and I and know there is no chance of reconciliation.... however its cool seeing your daughters face when she reads how their father had UNDYING LOVE for their mother.... as far as cards, love letters from other boyfriends etc... ya i still keep them as well, but for sentimental reasons. even though i dont read them, i have them tucked away in hopes of one day i can sit with my grandchildren and show them that "grandma had game" back in the day.... lol hope this helps...

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ThisGirlNameKD

If you throw away old love letters from the past, you just as well should throw away everything old from your past. I don't think you have anything to worry about with him keeping them. They are for sentimentality, and sometimes love letters can be like a map of your life...they show you were you've been, and you can reflect on how far you've came, how much you've matured, and give you greater appreciation for who or where you are now in life.

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couldnt have said it better myself KD!!!! id die if i threw mine away....

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I definately hear what you are saying. Sounds like I should leave mine (and his) safely tucked away where they are!

 

Meanwhile the box of OUR love letters keeps growing, so our future kids will have plenty to chuckle over.

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I have a question.....what about old pictures of exes......I'm with someone new and getting a divorce :( I have all of my wedding pictures cause I didn't want my husband to have them cause he didn't deserve them after cheating on me.....So should I burn them to let go of the pain or keep them and reflect on the mistake later......

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:)

 

Hi,

 

I'm interested to know whether you think old love letters, from ex partners, should be kept, or thrown out, especially if you are now with a new partner.

 

The love letters Thinkalot is referring to are from ex partners.

I would throw away everything that has to do with him. They are not considered valuable to me anymore. Except for the expensive gifts like the diamond ring etc. I'd keep them, cuz it's valuable

[/b]moneywise. But I won't wear it for the reminder of him, but as just a piece of valuable and pretty jewelry. I don't think I should hold on to something from the past when it only tears your heart when you see it. If it makes you happy so maybe I think you could. But otherways....nah!

 

Love letters from your partner when you first started dating....yes, definitely.

 

My own confession:

I have recently thrown away a whole box of love letters, cards, notes, tickets, pictures, etc. Things that I have collected during the 3 year relationship with this man. We broke up a year ago. I have waited a whole year before I could throw it out. Finally I did it. It feels good. I don't want to hold on to memories. I want to hold on to the man that I used to love, and not on my memories with him. Ay...maybe I'm still hurt. But what the hell...

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well tragedi in my situation, I have kept old pictures so i can reflect on those memories because not all of them were bad however, im the type of person that can actually look at them without having feelings of resentment or hatred towards the person..... i love memories, i cherish them... and to throw away old pics even if they are your ex' (s) would be something i would regret.... i guess call me a sentimental fool.... wedding pics i would keep as well.... however your in a new relationship, why not keep them tucked away so when you are able to sit down and reflect upon your life youll have the beautiful memories of when at that time, it was a good time in yourlife..... i tend to trigger happy memories when i look at my pics...... not bad ones..... that would mean i was either still hurting or just harbouring bad feelings. I guess it would also depend on how bad the relationship was as well. <sigh> i even have cards, gifts and lil ticket stubs too..... but it was fun memories as to why i kept them.... plus its cool showing the kids that their mother went and seen Godsmack and Staind or Garth Brooks LOL

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i have all the pictures and letters from all my ex bf's. my husband could care less, he knows i love him to death. once in a while every few years i pull them out when i am putting or taking things from storage or after a college or hs reunion to compare the past.

 

it is so eerie how those past relationships get "frozen in time" in our minds thanks to all the pictures and letters. then when we run into the ex bf's in person we realize what we have now is so wonderful. like the g. brooks song "unanswered prayers".

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I have old letters in a box somewhere. I think it all depends on the situation. Mine are part of a scrap book and I never look at them. I keep them because they are a part of my past. I suppose if I were with someone and they were always eyeing old love letters from someone else, I'd be concerned. But just to have them as a keepsake I don't think is a big deal. I have old pictures and diaries and corsages, and all sorts of stuff. As long as no one is doting over them, I think it's ok.

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CaterpillarGirl

In "older times", at the conclusion of a relationship men and women would return gifts and love letters to each other. Of course, back then, they didn't hurl chairs at the other on Jerry Springer, so maybe times have changed.

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Well, along with keeping old letters, I have also kept old photos of my ex boyfriends. They have formed a part of the life that has made me who I am , and I dont want to throw away the memories. I too have happy thoughts when I look at them, as I have no old hurts left.

 

But, funnily enough, I flipped out when I stumbled upon my partner's old wedding photos. The green eyed monster and yuk insecurities came leaping out of me, and I felt jealous seeing them so happy, and confronted that he had done the whole marriage/wedding thing before, whereas when WE marry, it will be a first for me. I have since spent time dealing with my insecurities and hangups with the past (which seem to surface so often on this site) and put things in perspective...realising that my partner loves me now, that what we have is the best thing, and his past is past. Every now and then I still have moments of insecurity and need to pull myself up but I'm getting there.

 

That said, even though I became jealous, I think people should keep old wedding pics, even after a divorce. I would. It's a part of your life.

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