Is it ever possible to keep everyone happy?

[Al]

My boyfriend has an older brother who is dating a classmate of mine. This girl and I hung out our freshman year and then kind of went of in different directions but we still managed to make small talk when we saw each other out. So at first we got along fine when I started dating my boyfriend. We would sit and talk about how the two of them are alike, their family, etc. So things were going along fine or so I thought. I recently found out from a close friend of mine that this girl has been bad mouthing my boyfriend and I behind our backs. She actually had the nerve to go up to a close friend of mine and question decisions my boyfriend and I have made in our relationship. This makes me wonder who else she talks bad about us to. But when we are all together, she's nicer than nice to my face. I hate people like that and can't bring myself to hold a conversation with her any longer. I don't like it when people are nice to my face but talk about me behind my back. My boyfriend tells me not to worry about what she thinks but I can't help it. It makes family events awkward and what if we all ended up a part of the same family? I don't think she realizes that these comments have gotten back to me even though my boyfriend has talked to his brother about it. Of course, guys will be guys and they just blow the whole thing off. I can't do that. The other night we were all in the bar and she was kind of sitting by herself and I couldn't bring myself to even go say hi. My friends tell me I owe her nothing but I feel obligated since she's dating my boyfriend's brother. What do I do? Do I just try to be nice to her so that things go smoothly with everyone even when she still may be talking behind my back?

[quankanne]

"kill them with kindness," is my motto.

 

do that and you find one of two things -- either they make an ass of themselves by being rude or churlish while you're being polite to them, or they'll snap out of it and start acting decently toward you.

 

in your case, I'd advise being civil, period.

[HokeyReligions]

Based on the title of your thread - my answer is NO.

 

 

Way back when I was in highschool I had a small clique of friends that I hung out with. 3 girls, 3 boys. I was best friends with one girl, Rene, and she was best friends with another girl before she met me -- I became her best friend. The other girl and I got along okay, but we were never great friends. We wouldn't do anything without the others around and would never have really been friends on our own. But I always invited to my house and vice versa whenever we had get-togethers.

 

I'd been out to her parents lake house with the group and she'd been to our place. On her birthday - I think we were highschool juniors then - she was having a party at her parents lake house. Two of the others in the group came over to tell me and make plans about getting out there -- we all just assumed that I'd be invited because as a group we always did thing together. We made our plans and the next day my girlfriend called and asked if she and Den could come over and talk to me. I knew something was up by the tone of her voice. She and Den came over and she was actually crying. I told them to just spit out whatever they had to say. Well, seems the other girl had called Rene the night before, after she and Den left my place, and said that she forgot to mention to her to NOT invite me - she didn't want me out there at her parents house. She wanted only close friends. Rene and Den felt terrible about it and said they were not going to go because they thought it was really a crappy thing to do. I told them that I wasn't hurt (I wasn't even disappointed) and I told them to go ahead. Later that day I went out and bought a really sappy birthday card and some birthstone earrings as a present and signed a really mushy thing in the card saying how much I hoped she had a terrific birthday. They gave her the card and gift in front of everyone and said that she felt terrible the whole rest of the day! Rene and Den said that was the best part of the day and they loved it!