2Tired2Try Posted April 21, 2011 Share Posted April 21, 2011 So I think tonight was the last time I'll be seeing her. It's been a strange 3 years that I known this person who was really my only companion... and the wrong one. I knew it all along. I should of never gotten so close but I did cause I was sort of in the dumps about my social life and I'd take anyone who came along. Thought it'd be a fun ride for a month or so and then I wouldn't see her anymore, but.. when I'm lonely.. I'm lonely. And to hear a phone ring, or get an e-mail.. of course I'm going to answer. I'm not going to turn it down.. but I should have. 3 years later.. I can't deal with it anymore. It's wrong for me, for her.. and deep down, I realize I'm leading her on. But I couldn't say it. I can't admit it.. even though she knows it. But tonight I just sat there, quiet, and then, she left. Think it's finally over, without us even saying a word. I feel awful but relieved. Hope she moves on.. finds what's good for her. Hope I do too. Just wanted to let this out. Because as crappy as I felt staying, I feel a sadness and loss. I hope I did the right thing. Link to post Share on other sites
ALonerAgain Posted April 21, 2011 Share Posted April 21, 2011 So I think tonight was the last time I'll be seeing her. It's been a strange 3 years that I known this person who was really my only companion... and the wrong one. I knew it all along. I should of never gotten so close but I did cause I was sort of in the dumps about my social life and I'd take anyone who came along. Thought it'd be a fun ride for a month or so and then I wouldn't see her anymore, but.. when I'm lonely.. I'm lonely. And to hear a phone ring, or get an e-mail.. of course I'm going to answer. I'm not going to turn it down.. but I should have. 3 years later.. I can't deal with it anymore. It's wrong for me, for her.. and deep down, I realize I'm leading her on. But I couldn't say it. I can't admit it.. even though she knows it. But tonight I just sat there, quiet, and then, she left. Think it's finally over, without us even saying a word. I feel awful but relieved. Hope she moves on.. finds what's good for her. Hope I do too. Just wanted to let this out. Because as crappy as I felt staying, I feel a sadness and loss. I hope I did the right thing. It's so easy to have that 1 person 'there': feeding us with attention; filling us up until we've had our share and then - no more. Like having a craving for a particular food, we binge on it, all the while knowing this isn't right for us: it isn't healthy, but we can't stop. Until we get to that tipping point where we feel we'll lose our sanity if we have/take any more. I've been on both sides. And I can tell you now, with all its pain; loneliness and fear, I'm finally aware and learning to accept my loneliness; my aloneness and trying to rebuild myself emotionally, from the ground up. The foundations are still a bit shaky and I'm still waiting for the cement to dry, but slowly I can see that it's shaping up to be more solid than it was before. I hope you can be strong enough to do the same. Link to post Share on other sites
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