Jump to content

Help me please I'm a 40 year old woman dating a 20 year old man


Recommended Posts

Hello my name is lori and I am dating a twenty year old and I am 40. :o Well we were good friends for months before we actually got together. And we talked about everything under the sun. This young man is very wise beyond his years and teaches me new things all the time. We have a great deal in common and well needless to say he made a move on me and I was really surprised because secretly I was thinking man if I was just a little younger.

 

I was single for two years before we got together. And when we did get together we fell head over hills in love. He was with me every single day since the very first day we met. Then when we got together we just started living together. He was practically living with me before that but not really. Okay here is my problem. When we first got together it was like he couldnt keep an erection. Sometimes he could but at other times he couldnt.

 

After we were together for a while (We were staying at my place and I had a roommate) We decided to get our own place. Which we did but we have another roommate. But everything is fine. He doesnt have that problem now, but he doesnt like want to have sex practically ever. Like once a month. I had six brothers growing up and I know how much a twenty year old likes having sex. And he had me read like his journels when we first got together and they depict that he was very sexually active at a very young age.

 

Anyway he works in the computer field and only part time. He goes to work at 1:00 pm and gets off at 5:00 pm M-F. Well when he got the job he started staying gone until like 3:00 am then 4 then 5. And of course I believe he is cheating on me. We both have cell phones and instead of calling and letting me know he had a side job to do or what ever he claims he just forgot to call. And when I call him he starts to stumble over his words and is flippant with his answers.

 

I of course start accusing him of cheating and say things I later regret. His mother says that she has never known her son to be a cheater nor a liar. But an aol buddy of his told me he was doing two girls in high school. He swears he would never do that to me. I have been like so caught up in this that I check his many e-mail accounts daily his pockets every night pick apart every word he says and analize them, I feel like I am losing my mind.

 

Cant somebody help me. Oh yeah every man I have ever been with has cheated, lied, manipulated, me, mentally, physically, and emotionally. I have only had 4 bf in my entire life all long term relationships but unhealthy ones no less. Is it me and my baggage or what?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

It sounds like he may be cheating. That has nothing to do with his age though. I'd say let him go.

 

Of course his Mother would defend her son.

 

I've been in your shoes, don't waste your energy playing detective.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Are you saying he doesn't come home until 5:00 in the morning, and doesn't bother to call and let you know? Is he working the night shift or something?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Originally posted by EnigmaXOXO

Are you saying he doesn't come home until 5:00 in the morning, and doesn't bother to call and let you know? Is he working the night shift or something?

:( Yes that is what I am saying
Link to post
Share on other sites

i am 21 and i hate to break the news to you, but of all the guys around my age that i have met, i have never met a single one that would date a 40 year old woman seriously. the only thing you would be to them was a prize, a MILF. its just the truth, but there might be some great guys that will treat you right just maybe not one this young!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Originally posted by LadyX

It sounds like he may be cheating. That has nothing to do with his age though. I'd say let him go.

 

Of course his Mother would defend her son.

 

I've been in your shoes, don't waste your energy playing detective.

 

:o He swears up and down that if he didnt want to be with me he wouldnt be. That he has his moms to go to and stuff. But here I wait on him hand and foot I was paying all the bills until recently. He gives like a hundred dollars every month. :rolleyes: But when we first got together I had come into a lot of cash and it was around Christmas last year and I was spending like crazy on friends and my best friends family. I have been estranged from my family since I was nine. Raised myself too. Anyway thats another story. I put all my money in his account becasue of other reasons and I put it in his savings not his checking and it grew to a few thousand but as soon as that was gone is when he started his crap. I just feel like maybe Im wrong. I have never found anything like evidence of him cheating. Just little stuff like on his cell phone he will put just an initial instead of a name and transpose the numbers or something because when I call them I get the operator saying there is no such number or cant be completed as dialed. He isnt a complete creep he does really sweet things for me. And he quit staying gone until five he comes home from work then around eleven he will say want to go with me to my moms. And by then I am tired or caught up in something that I dont want to go. That is the only place he has taken me like we have never gone out except on his Bday I took him to the improve.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Originally posted by jalexy

i am 21 and i hate to break the news to you, but of all the guys around my age that i have met, i have never met a single one that would date a 40 year old woman seriously. the only thing you would be to them was a prize, a MILF. its just the truth, but there might be some great guys that will treat you right just maybe not one this young!

 

But this guy is diffrent he isnt like any other guy I have ever met. I have always been with older men but this is my first young guy and I dont look forty either. check out my pictures @yougotpictures on aol under the name (removed) and then :laugh: tell me none of your younger friends would stick with it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think you should cease worrying about what your guy is doing and start exploring why you would be interested in dating a man who was born when you were 20 years old. No matter how you slice it, he is in a different world than you...and place of maturity you can hardly identify with. I also think he is using you for security and stability while he plays elsewhere. The games you are playing...the snooping...reading of emails...picking throug his pockets....are not things of healthy relationships.

 

As long as you continue to see this guy, you will be paranoid. There are only so many things a 20-year-old will do until the wee hours of the morning....see other women, drink, do drugs, commit crimes, etc. Most decent people are sleeping. Relieve yourself of this mental and emotional burden and set this guy free.

 

Many young people couple up with much older people for a while but they very rarely stick with them over the longhaul. I think your run is over. Exit with class and grace.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Originally posted by jalexy

how am i to look at these pics when it needs a password..

go to you got pictures and search for my name stikaforknme2
Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with the others, especially Tony. This guy is using you, playing you, whatever you want to call it. The best thing you could do is get out now and get on with your life before you get hurt. You need to work on your self-esteem so that you don't need a guy young enough to be your son to make you feel good about yourself.

 

p.s. Not everyone is on AOL and able to view your pictures.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You're being played big time. He's got it made in the shade. He only works part time, stays out til all hours (and you put up with that), you admitted to having "waited on him hand and foot", he throws you a hundred bucks each month (that's pathetic. no way a young guy could live on his own for $100 a month. He's got the deal of the century). I'm guessing you wash his clothes and look after him, you are the one who puts the food on the table and pays the rent and utilities. He's riding the gravy train.

 

You should seriously SERIOUSLY consider getting yourself into some counselling, to figure out why on earth a woman your age would be doing with a young pup who's easily old enough to be your son. There's no way a 20 yr old guy could be anywhere close to being on the same wavelength as a 40 yr old, in terms of maturity, life experience, knowledge of the world, common sense, the ability to have an intelligent conversation. Do you wash his Underoos?

 

Of course he's likely cheating on you, why wouldn't he? The novelty of "the older woman/gravy train" has worn off..he sees how he can lie to you and you either don't 'get it' or you let him get away with it.....so he's got the best of both worlds: the world of having a mommy to support him, and the other world of being able to do as he pleases.

 

Do you not see how you're being used? Why would you put up with a guy who didn't pull his weight, financially, in the relationship? Are you looking to be someone's mother-figure? At the expense of your self respect and dignity?

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think any woman going into a relationship with a much younger man must do so with no illusions. It may well be fun to have a 'boy toy' for a while, but to expect long-term commitment is pretty unrealistic. If nothing else, most men want families and old eggs aren't a good bet for procreating.

 

Having said that, it's still tiresome that the May-December relationships between older men and younger women are considered amusing while the ones between older women and younger men are not. What's fair about that?

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...