How do you deal with extremely negative partner?

[dest]

Seriously the tension I get from his negative vibes is soooooooooo off putting. It's to the point where I can't stand being in the same room with him. We live together. I find that it's always ME keeping the peace by being accommodating. I can't take it anymore. He constantly pulls negative/hate into any situation. He walks in the room and I can just feel it. It won't be too long before there's either some yelling at me about something trivial or making horrendously negative statements about other people. WHY does he NEED to be this way??? It's exhausting. He sucks the life right out of everything.

Are there any strategies I can use to teach him to be more positive or something? I guess he's used to me reacting. Should I just tune him out and change the subject or disengage altogether like leave the room? Ugh. He wasn't always this bad. I've talked to him about this issue but I think he just fed off of me talking to him about it because it's gotten worse.

[whichwayisup]

this is the demise of your relationship if you two don't fix this. It's only going to get worse as time goes on and he gets older.

 

How long have you two been living together?

[EnigmasMuse]

For me, there is no way I can continue to be around someone who is constantly negative. Its very draining, and quite emotionally damaging IMO. How much do you know about his family? Was his parents like this? I dated a guy like this years ago, his mother was very negative and thats where it all stemmed from. I didn't put up with it long at all. He even knew it was from his mother and he knew HE could change his negativity if he wanted. Guess he didn't want to do so to bad.

[Kendrick]

Life is to short to be around people who are negative. You need to surround yourself with positive people. I'm not sure if his negativity is a deal breaker for you, but I would give it some thought. People need to be uplifted not tore down from negativity.

[dest]

Thanks for the support everyone.

 

@whichwayisup - We've been together about 2.5 years and lived together for a few months. Yeah I think this will get a lot worse. I don't know what his overall problem is. He says he's glad we moved in together, but he doesn't act like it.

 

@Enigmasmuse - The only thing I know is that his mom was emotionally manipulative always upset about something. I do think he got some of his tendencies from the way he was raised. For sure.

 

@Lovelace - He acts like he has a chip on his shoulder, too confident about everything he has a point of view on (which is everything) He thinks he's right about EVERYTHING. There is no reproof for this guy. He is VERY difficult to be with. He likes to be in control. It is rare that I actually feel like "team" or an equal with this guy. It wasn't this bad in the first year and a half when we weren't closer and spending so much time together. He is just not a person I LIKE anymore. Much more, love.

 

@Kendrick - Yes his negativity is a dealbreaker.

 

I think I will move out in January. I can't deal with this anymore.

[love2read]

Hey!

 

Are we dating the same person??? lol I know that it has been a month since your post, but I was curious as to what transpired. I too am with a partner that is negative. It's like he hates people and his anger is starting to affect me. I am having a hard time figuring out what to do because I live with my boyfriend as well.........

[OldSkool]

@Lovelace - He acts like he has a chip on his shoulder, too confident about everything he has a point of view on (which is everything) He thinks he's right about EVERYTHING. There is no reproof for this guy. He is VERY difficult to be with. He likes to be in control. It is rare that I actually feel like "team" or an equal with this guy. It wasn't this bad in the first year and a half when we weren't closer and spending so much time together. He is just not a person I LIKE anymore. Much more, love.

 

Classic symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

 

http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/