My ex and how I don’t want to hear about her hook ups

[DigDug]

(Hope this is a good place to put this)

 

I dated this girl off and on for two years. I was in love with her and even though we haven’t been together for that same amount of time, till this very day I still love her. We were young and I moved to a different state and factors such as these brought our relationship to an end. Shes always tried to keep in touch with me but I can’t bear having just a friendly relationship with her. I care too much and when we get on the phone its feels like we are talking and joking with each other just the way we use to when we were in love. I can’t really find the words to explain it right now but when we talk there always this “let’s try again” tension in the midst of our conversations. But to make this long back-story short, I can never keep this “just friends” relationship going with her because it drives me insane, so I cut off all communication with her and just try to hide from her in hopes that she’ll just forget about me. No matter what I do though she always finds me and talks me out of hiding.

 

Well we are talking again and we are getting too close again and we’ve even talked about trying to get this relationship going again, slowly of course. But heres my problem; I still can’t tolerate being on just the friend level but I’m sucking it up in hopes that we get back together.

 

So she calls me tonight and we’re talking and she tells me that shes going over her friend’s house, who is a guy, to watch a movie with him that shes watched plenty of times before. She ditched her roommate who is going to the bars tonight to hang with this dude which is odd because she always goes out on the weekends to the bar. A single girl, a single guy, watching an old movie by themselves late Sunday night. She might as well said “I’m going over this guy’s house to F him like crazy while this old movie provides the background noise.”

 

Like I mentioned above; Im still deeply in love with this girl. Its situations like this that make me want to turn my phone off and change my name so that this girl can never find me again. That way I don’t have to deal with the awkwardness and the jealousy. That way I don’t have to have my heart broken every time I think we may “start again” or some dude like this comes along and takes my girl. Sure its just a hook up and theres no feelings and this is a one night thing but I just cant deal with it. Its not the fact that she hooks up with other guys, she has every right to. I have my occasional hook ups too, but it’s the fact that she tells me this kind of stuff over the phone that kills me.

 

So I guess I just wanted to know if anyone out there had similar experiences like this and know what I’m going through. What did you do about it? After reading my story what do you think about it and how do you think I should handle it?

 

When I talk to her tomorrow, the bitter me is going to want to say “so how was your hook up last night?” I want to tell her that I’m not stupid and that I know whats going on and I don’t want to hear this ****. But the more sensible me will tell her that we should keep our hookups to ourselves. I wonder how she’ll react. Then I’ll go into hiding again. And things were going so well :[

Edited August 16, 2010 by DigDug