quankanne Posted July 30, 2003 Share Posted July 30, 2003 just discovered an interesting site on cohabitation (members.aol.com/cohabiting/index.htm), chock full of information on living together: the myths, the facts, different reasons why cohabitating isn't in your best interest, including legally. an interesting fact: "Cohabiting couples have an 80%+ chance that their relationship will end." According to the site, half will break up before they marry, the other half divorce within 10 years of marriage! so ... tell me again how living together is designed to make a couple headed toward marriage stronger? Link to post Share on other sites
GoldenWonder Posted July 30, 2003 Share Posted July 30, 2003 That site scares me. Link to post Share on other sites
stewh Posted July 30, 2003 Share Posted July 30, 2003 Now your on the subject I can see now in the days of old whhy couples used to get married before they moved in together. They were then stuck with each other for life. Did people used to get divorced? Link to post Share on other sites
GoldenWonder Posted July 30, 2003 Share Posted July 30, 2003 In 1981 the Church of England allowed people to marry again after a divorce and many other Churches now follow this position It was also said, 'Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce'. But I say to you that anyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of unchastity, causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. (Matthew 5:31-32) Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted July 30, 2003 Share Posted July 30, 2003 After browsing the site pretty thoroughly, I am still not convinced of the validity of it all. It seems like random facts (tons of percentages) just spewed out on a website. It is obvious that the creator of the site is against cohabition. That much is apparent. I too could quote tons of different magazines, articles, and spew tons of percentage of couples, etc etc, but that doesn't really tell me WHY cohabition is inappropriate. The data on that site is from many different resources over a number of years with no real order to it. I don't know why people make such a big deal out of two people wanting to live together before marriage anyway. It's not their life. If it fails, it fails. It wasn't their relationship or place to judge the couple in the first place. The one thing that scared me the most about that site is that some of the so called "FACTS" sounded like passages from the Leave It To Beaver era. YIKES!! Here are some excerpts: "Those who have had premarital sex are more likely to have extramarital affairs as well." "Those who are sexually active before marriage are much more likely to divorce. " "Those who live together are likely to have a fleeting romance rather than a lasting relationship." "Those who live together before marriage often lay a foundation of distrust and lack of respect." Those just hit the tip of the iceberg... That site just made me cringe... Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted July 30, 2003 Share Posted July 30, 2003 I haven't gone to the site yet, but when I read your post I remembered something I learned way back in Jr. High. I took a "marriage & family" class and one of the things that we were taught was that it was a good idea to spend a week living with your fiancee's parents (not sharing a bedroom w/ said fiancee) because you could see how the family lived, what their routines are, what is important to them, and generally get a good idea of your soon-to-be's upbringing and thus, and insight into some attitudes, etc. Living just with a financee will not tell you anything except what they want to know, and granted, the family will be on best behavior too - but their beliefs, values, morals, and attitudes will shine through and it gives a basis for some discussions and adjustments when the couple gets married (or lives together) and a lot of the kinks can be worked out much easier than going into a shared home "cold turkey". I thought that was an excellent idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author quankanne Posted July 30, 2003 Author Share Posted July 30, 2003 lol, didn't say that everything on that site sounded sane guys, I only thought that some of the facts (like the rate of break ups) were pretty astounding for a couple who went into that kind of arrangements thinking that they were going to last forever ... There are exceptions to the rule, but they are far and few in between, and obviously, those folks have got a clear understanding about the kind of committed partnership they want to live. What is scary is some of the legal points brought up as a reason not to cohabitate -- whether or not a divorce is called for even if there was no exchange of vows before the state; legal property ownership rights; power of attorney; medical decisions, including whether or not to pull the plug; or even doing something as simple as funeral arrangements. I've been married 11 years and some of those topics haven't even crossed my mind, and my husband is former military (the military is very good about making sure you're updated on those kinds of things)!!! Stew, you ask what about divorce in the olden days: my guess is yes, they did have divorce back then, but because of social mores and values, they weren't very often pursued by the majority of people. They just stuck it out. Or arranged for a hitman Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted July 31, 2003 Share Posted July 31, 2003 I would not take any website beginning 'members.aol.com' as my gospel for anything. This is a site of 'facts' put together by an individual. Before you get your knickers into a knot about legal issues, etc., find out for yourself what the laws in your city and state are as well as federal law, if you need to. My guess is that the site is run by someone with an anti-cohabitation bias. My fear is that an awful lot of right-wing conservative neo-Christian values are being sold under false pretenses to too many gullible people. Quankane and everyone, remember that statistics can be twisted. An example: a tiny country had a whole lot of rich people and only one fellow there had a job - guarding the money of all the rich people. One day, the rich people decided to pool some of their money and reward him for all his service so they made sure he had enough money to live on and then took back their money and kept it themselves. The money guard had no more job. Headline next day: "Country's unemployment rises by 100 %". You have to make sure the people conducting a survey are a credible source. You have to look at the survey sample and the survey design. You should never just take this sort of information to be true just because it's printed - online or in actual print. Be critical of information you find - especially on private websites. Link to post Share on other sites
hot_aby269 Posted August 1, 2003 Share Posted August 1, 2003 it helps you learn how one lives and the bad things about you partner now i don't know the place your in but it is mint to help you learn to live and work out thing with what you don't like and have a talk about it and hope it works out for the bast Link to post Share on other sites
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