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the art of buying gifts


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i got my bf a picutre frame with our picture, a photo album, a t-shirt, and a book on fish (cuz i thought he likes fish).

 

but the thing is that he got mad at me because i bought those gifts for him at the last minute. i bought them the day of his bday. and he thinks that i didn't put any thoughts into his presents, which is not true. i admit that i had a difficult buyin him presents that's within my budget..!! now a month after his bday..he confronted me with it. he asked me why i got him the book..which was $30 canadian...talkin about all the different species of aquarium fish...he thinks its a waste of money bcuz he can find those kinda info ont he Internet.

 

now it's almost time for our anniversary..and i just dont wanna repeat the same kinda mistake again. so i need help for a good and thoughtful present....( i thought the picture frame was thoughtful enough..but i guess he wasnt exactly satisfied with it either). he is intereseted in electronics and cars...so any good suggestions?! and what's the art of pickin out a present anyway?! any special rules?!

 

thanx.

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HokeyReligions

Hmm, maybe a book that will tell him that he shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, and that its the thought that counts? (said half jokingly/sarcastically) ;)

 

My husband goes through different phases or moods and what he might like one time, he won't be in the mood for the next time, so I ask him what he'd like.

 

Ask your bf what he would like and get him that - then you can add a second "surprise" gift of your own choosing.

 

Have you guys gone window shopping? Listen to the kinds of things he looks at and says he would like to have, but doesn't buy for himself. Maybe some kind of toy that he can play with -- I got my husband one of those tiny remote controlled cars once and he really enjoyed it.

 

I have noticed that guys like things they can "do" and not things they can look at, like picture frames. They can't play with those.

 

What about body chocolate? That can be fun for both. ;)

 

Music? Treat him to dinner at his favorite place and a totally guy-movie?

 

Since he dropped the hint about being able to find things on the Internet, ask yourself when looking at gifts "is this something he can find for himself?"

 

Does he have an aquarium? Is there something for his tank that you can buy?

 

What about accessories for some of his electronics? I don't know what kinds of things he's interested in, maybe a lazer mouse for his PC if he doesn't have one? Does he work at a desk or have a home office set up? Maybe something that reflects his personality that can be useful on his desk - like a business card holder - you can tuck a thong inside it and tell him that part is for later!

 

How about putting together a container of little gifts. Guys generally don't like baskets so what I've done is find little plastic containers that they can use to store other things in, and I fill it with things like favorite foods they don't often buy (dates have always been popular) and small toys or a shirt, music, a DVD, and a wooden back scratcher (I thought those were silly but everyone I have given one too has really loved it and its something they don't always buy for themselves)

 

For my brothers Christmas gift last year I bought a nice soft-side cooler and put a case of beer in the bottom and covered it with special foods, the back scratcher, some small camping items - like a tiny iron skilled that can be a spoon rest or ashtray & he loved that, a CD, and some socks. For a romantic "gift basket" you can choose items that reflect your relationship or a special time you spent together.

 

Maybe personalize a useful item like a coffee mug if he drinks coffee or tea or something. I had a picture of my husband and I placed on one side, and a special message on the back. It's something that he uses and its personal.

 

What are his hobbies? Can you ask any of his friends or family what kinds of things he likes?

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I think your boyfriend is an ungrateful butthole. For your anniversary, get him a book on manners...and then break up with him. Read your post above a couple of times. You have described a man that every woman everywhere in the world hopes they will NEVER meet up with.

 

The audacity of this bastard to question your motives of giving and to complain about your very generous jesture, saying he could get the information on the Internet. This guy is a pathetic excuse of a human being.

 

If you do decide to stay with such a rotten excuse for a human, don't get him anything. This guy has the manners of a worm.

 

If you were ever to marry this guy, your life would be miserable until the day you died...and then he'd probably complain about the burial plot you selected for yourself. Must go throw up now.

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I'm sorry, I just had to come back and read your original post again. I've never, ever done this before but I have never, ever heard of a guy so rude. Was he raised in a barn? Sorry, this thing will bother me all night and I have to go to bed soon. If a lady like you bought me such nice gifts, I would be overwhelmed with joy and gratitude.

 

And after he was such a rotten terrrd about all this, you are still wanting to please him with more gifts. EEWWWW!!!! Please write about how such turkeys end up having wonderful ladies like you fall in love with them!!!! PLEASE!!! Maybe that will spare me a totally sleepless night.

 

Go here to see what some other people think ----> http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t23390/

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Would you please read the original (first) post in this thread------> http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t23386/ and tell me there's something wrong here. I'm just not believing somebody would do something like this to a nice lady.

 

Do people like this actually exist??? Now this very sweet lady wants so hard to please the guy and I want to punch him in the mouth.

 

Sorry to bother you all but this post, for some reason, really disturbs me. No, sorry again, I know the reason.

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Hmm...that was kind of jerkish....if my BF said that to me, I would be like "WELL F*CK YOU, a**h***!!!!! Pardon, my french. But seriously, that was sorry. But unfortunately, yes, there are a lot of people out there like that. Buttholes.

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The first thing that came to my mind was: Well, what has he bought YOU and when did he buy it? He definitely sounds very self-centered and insensitive. Next time I would just get him a card and say, "Well, I obviously can't buy you the right things so I won't even try (or waste my money). What a creep.

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i think they might - the boy might be very young? my first boyfriend (at 17) was soo mean about a pillow i spent 7 weeks and about 90 bucks (canadian, tho :) ) making for him - it was awful; i cried for days. i totally feel for her - and it rings true to me. he might feel overwhelmed or, if he is like my ex, he might have been insanely spoiled by 3 generations of male-centered women...

 

the only other explanation i could think of is that he might not have been taught how to receive gifts gracefully; weirdly, it's apparently a consistent symptom of 'intimacy' dysfunction - you don't want anyone to invest in emotional moments at all; it's just too scary and you don't want to owe anyone anything. i have this, a bit, but i would never, ever, be that rude!

 

but no matter what, he's an adult, and as an accountable adult, he's an ass! she deserves waaaaaay better!

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I concur Tony...

 

It never ceases to amaze me how women stay so completely loyal to guys who do not appreciate them.

 

I am at a loss for words.

 

Curt

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raised in a barn ... or raised by wolves, take your pick! He sounds like a jackass to me. I mean, I understand that you often don't get the gifts you want, but that you also don't make a big deal out of it when that happens -- instead, you thank the person for being so kind as to get you the gift they did. My question is, how long have those two been dating? And why the heck didn't she read him the riot act? As for the anniversary gift, if my guy did that, he'd end up with a card and well wishes, period! Jackass.

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HokeyReligions

Okay -- I'll bite.

 

MAYBE there is a lot more to the story than the brief description from the original poster. I don't know the history or the maturity level of the people involved.

 

It sounds on the surface like he is a jerk - but maybe he is just being a jerk about THIS because he was never taught how to accept a gift. Maybe money is tight and he knows it and it bothers him that she spent money on him that he didn't feel she needed to spend and that didn't come across in the original post.

 

Maybe. . . this maybe... that

 

Could be a lot of things. I'm glad that so many of you responsed with a touch of outrage at this, so that the original poster can see both sides and maybe broaden her view of the situation, but I'll give the benefit of the doubt to the couple.

 

I've given and received gifts that were not really appreciated, and if my husband gives me a gift that I don't like or don't want, I know how to receive it and tell him how much I appreciate the effort he put into it, but its just not for me and I tell him I hope he won't be hurt if I return it. A couple of times I told him I didn't know what he was thinking when he bought me something and to stop wasting money on stuff like that -- but we've been married a long time and can talk to each other like that without hurting the other one. He's done the same to me and it's no big deal.

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Edit: GMTA! LOL It looks like Hokey and I were typing at the same time - I'm with you, Hokey!

 

You know, all this outrage is really interesting. I can't begin to count the posts I've read on boards where women complain about the horrible gifts their spouses have gotten them - to the same tunes of replies; the men are insensitive, stupid, etc. etc.

 

Maybe the guy thought the girl shouldn't spend $30 on a book because she didn't have much money and he felt that it was a better idea to not spend it. Maybe he has some sort of lifetime issue about gift-giving. Or maybe, like many couples, they don't mesh at all when it comes to gifts. Hokey's suggestions to her were excellent and I think all this fury and vituperation is a little over the top.

 

Yes, the guy was insensitive, but of all the fellows I've known (and female friends, besides), only one was any good at all at getting me good gifts. Most people mutter in silence; this guy said what he thought. Relationships require honesty. I'll bet any money that had it been a woman who complained to her husband that she didn't like his inappropriate gifts, everybody would be backing her up.

 

The guy perhaps could have put his response to her more kindly -although you can't be sure that she didn't relate it differently from how it happened - some people hear any remark as 'complaint' or 'criticism'.

 

IMHO, Tony, sometimes you get a real bug up your butt about how awful people are when they may just have had a moment of bad judgement when otherwise they are pretty decent people.

I don't think the type of reaction people have expressed is warranted unless an individual has committed a 'sin' several times or is guilty of many bad behaviours.

 

To be unhappy about a few gifts and say so is not crime enough to end a relationship and I fear that the way everyone jumps on an instance like this with shrieks of 'dump him' is a depressing symbol of how people are unwilling to give others a chance to be wrong sometimes and, instead, just quit on a relationship at the slightest provocation rather than giving the other some sort of opportunity to redeem himself.

 

Had he beaten her, yes, I'd say 'dump him immediately' but there are few errors that bad that the mere commission of one is enough to end a relationship.

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You wanna punch him in the mouth over that Tony? Wow... theres some anger there, considering you don't even know him. Are you one of those people that scream at other drivers on the road?

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YOU ASK: "Are you one of those people that scream at other drivers on the road?"

 

No, actually I usually shoot them if I have bullets left.

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Ching, Ching, just my two cents...

 

If I was dating a guy like your boyfriend and he was into cars. I would tell the ungrateful jerk to stand behind my car, as I put

it in reverse.

 

Sorry to sound cold, but I wouldn't get the guy jack.

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I scream at everybody on road!..........I live in Florida as does Tony Nobody can drive here.

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I was going to suggest a book on manners.....

Maybe a very thick hard cover book on manners that you can knock him in the head with as you are kicking him out the door.

 

Please buy yourself something....you deserve it.

 

Blossom

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gifts are a tough one, ppl!

 

An ex of mine used to give me plastic/metal jewelery... and then wondered how come i don't wear it! *rolls eyes* The funny thing is - he didn't get it, ever. I eventually explained that i don't wear fake stuff - i.e. if it's a piece of glass pretending to be a diamond, i won't put it on. So guess what he got me next? A snake-leather print bag... made of fabric of course. doh!

 

But, baby-phat, i don't see why he had to be so mean about it. There're nice ways to voice your opinion. Is he generally that "well-mannered"?

 

-yes

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thanx guys for ur input...

 

as to some of the questions u guys put out there...he got me a pair of puma shoes for my birthday (which was about 1 yr ago when we just started dating)...and for christma he got me a jacket...he got me a pet bunny (which i hinted at him for god knows how many times) and PJs for valentine's day. I think his presents are pretty useful and i appreciate that.

 

 

 

and as to how old we are...we are both 18 and have been dating for almost 1 year now. so now i am struggling with the 1 yr. anniversary gift.

 

i know he's probably brought up spoiled and he tends to take his anger out on ppl around him and ends up apologizing for what he says later on. i just didn't think that there's anyone in the world who would get a present and complains about it. afterall, anything is better than nothing right?!

 

i have gotten him for xmas a Versace cologne, a lamborghini car model, and a long-sleeve shirt...and for valentine's day i didn't do much besides getting him a long stem blue rose and a candy gram that i made for him.

 

a part of me really doesn't wanna get him anything just because i am afraid he won't like it. i tried making him a pie the day after he complained about his presents to surprise him...but it kinda turned out pretty disastrous. it tasted good but looked horrifying. he said it tasted good but then he got up and ate some brownies instead.

 

man...i sound like such a fool dont i now? damnit. haha.

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HokeyReligions: i tried asking him what he wanted...and he said that he would rather be surprised and he wanted ME to think of what to get him instead of him telling me cuz he thinks that i should know him well enough by now to know what he likes/wants. he does have an aquarium...but its all set up and there's nothing much i can think of getting him.

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i just might try that...but i need a fish that will get along with the rest of his fish..i might give that a try...and hope that the whole fish theme won't bring up bad memory of the fish book.

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He wants to know you're paying attention. I bet he tells you when he likes a group or a movie or something. Do you ever go shopping and see him look at something a long time and not buy it but say something about liking it or wanting it? We like it when the men in our lives notice those things; it sounds like he'd like it if you noticed what he likes.

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