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justified in my jealousy


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I've been seeing my boyfriend for nearly 3 years. Nonmonogamously, and as a long distance relationship for nearly half of it.(He is here for a few months then travels with his work for a few months) He has a six year old son and an ex-girlfriend. The ex recently was out of town for several weeks and I found him far more attentive and got to see him on a much more regular basis. Now that she is back it seems a lot of his time and energy is spent on her.

 

If he is not picking the kid up at her house, they are having dinner, or he is taking her somewhere (she has a boyfriend by the way). It is always something (they never even lived in the same city but carried on a sporadic long distance relationship).

 

I am finding myself being really jealous and angry over this even though I know they are not persuing a romance. I feel she is too demanding of him and that I am the girlfriend who is always taking the backseat.

 

Not to mention my intense jealousy at the mention of any (of his numerous) exgirlfriends. He is totally not interested in commitment except as an abstract concept that he would like to be a part of in the future.

 

Also he has a cocaine abuse problem , so please any one who has loved an abuser of substances please pass along some advice from your experiences. thanks.

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what did you mean when you said your 3 year relationship has been a nonmonogamous one? one of you has cheated?

 

there's no way you can be certain he's not carrying on with his ex given the picture you've painted about his time spent with her and his behavior with you.

 

what is the attraction to a man you've been with for 3 years who's a cocaine addict, who is not interested in commitment and makes you take the backseat? what do you get from this so called relationship? where do you hope a relationship with a commitment-opposed drug addict with ties to his ex will even go?

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I've been seeing my boyfriend for nearly 3 years. Nonmonogamously, and as a long distance relationship for nearly half of it.

 

Wait. You've spent three years on a guy who will not commit to only you? I think "boyfriend" is the wrong term.

 

I am finding myself being really jealous and angry over this even though I know they are not persuing a romance. I feel she is too demanding of him and that I am the girlfriend who is always taking the backseat.

 

Of course you are jealous. It sounds like you've let him string you along for the past three years. If you felt secure in his feelings for you, there wouldn't be any jealousy.

 

He is totally not interested in commitment except as an abstract concept that he would like to be a part of in the future.

 

So, you two aren't committed.

 

Also he has a cocaine abuse problem

 

Why, pray tell, have you wasted so much time on this guy? A guy with a drug problem who won't commit. Yep, that sounds like a smart thing to focus three years of your life on.

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Just A Girl2

I couldn't agree more w/ Clia and Summer. The guy sounds like a dud and not someone to hope for any kind of meaningful future with.

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