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[aroll32]

There has been this girl in my head for about a year now. Ever since we met (last summer) she has been the girl at the top of my list. I thought she was the best looking, best personality, etc. We dated for a couple of weeks about 5 months ago. The whole time, I was extremely happy, but unsure about her intentions. Even though she was the one to ask me out to our second date, I always wondered if she really liked me, but thought that was just because I liked her so much. Sure enough she started backing away. I'm still unsure about why and was absolutely destroyed. We go to schools an hour away.

 

Recently, I've put my mind on other things. I've almost forgotten completely about. Almost. She still was in the back of my head. About two months ago is when we broke the no contact period. We talked occasionally and thats about it, nothing special and I thought nothing of it. But last week, she started talking to me more. Almost everyday. She eventually asked if she would see me at a festival she was going to. I said maybe because I really wasn't sure.

 

I did see her there, and she came up to me, we talked and flirted a little bit. Once she left, a bomb went off in my head. I just lost it. Those old feelings came over me like a tidal wave. It was so difficult to stay there. Even though she wasn't close to me. Anyway, when I left, she came up to me, talked for a bit then we said bye. When she left she rubbed her hand down my back, which was a common occurrence for her flirting.

 

The point of this post is to get some advice. I've talked to some of her friends, and they said she's not into relationships, which would explain a couple of things. But, the last thing she told me before I walked away from her 5 months ago was that she wanted to be friends and see what happens over the summer. And it seems like she wants this, but how should I know? I really don't know what to do. I don't want to go after her again. I want to know what she wants, but does she even want anything from me? I know she will probably just do what she did before, but I want to know if this time could be different to her. We really didn't have that much time dating either, only 3-4 weeks. So I wonder if that's exactly what she wanted?

[sadintexas]

Ask her...talk to her about it. Don't make it heavy but find out what she might be looking for in the long run.

[aroll32]

See I would like to, but I learned from my mistake. I asked her about it when we were seeing each other, what she wanted. That's when she gave me some crap about how we should be friends for now and see what happens over the summer. And I don't want to hear BS from this girl again.

 

I know if I asked her, the same thing would happen. Because she isn't looking for anything long term. Well, I'm not either with her. We are going to different schools next year, so there's no point. But the year after we will be at the same school, and we have the same major.

[Ronni_W]

she gave me some crap about how we should be friends for now and see what happens over the summer.

She already told you what she's busy doing now -- lining up her "over the summer" fun and entertainment.

she isn't looking for anything long term.

And she already told you that she's gonna dump you after the summer, too.

 

Her friends ALSO know this. And, if you read all the evidence you've accumulated thus far, you will know this, as well.

 

If you're looking for more than just a summer fling with her...you're not going to get it. Proceed accordingly, and protect your heart sufficiently.

[aroll32]

That's the thing, I don't want anything longer than a fling. The last fling I had with her was only like 3-4 weeks which wasn't enough time for me. I felt like it was less than a week. What should I do? She's called me and texted me a couple times, she even applied for the same job I applied for. She called me after she applied and was so happy and giddy it kind of made me sick.

 

But anyway, what should I do? Should I forget about this girl for the summer or try and make a move.

[spiderowl]

Hmm, this is a really difficult one, because she is showing signs of interest I think. But, I'd be extremely wary. You could let her seek you out, appear at some things she attends but be inconsistent so that she doesn't think you are there specifically to see her. Keep her guessing a bit. I say this not to suggest you play games but because you need to protect yourself a bit and see what her true intentions are.

 

If you get talking to her at any point and there is talk of relationships (in general, not specifically with her), then I'd drop into the conversation that you are not interested in flings with anyone but are looking for someone more lasting. Don't mention her as being a possiblity, leave her guessing. The point of saying this is that you may be talking in general but you are getting a clear message across to her that you are not going to be messed about. She'll know you are not available for a half-hearted game. It will make her think, especially if you have not approached her. She may have to make some effort to show you she's not looking for flings any longer either.

 

It is then up to her to indicate to you that she's interested. I'd look out for her seeking you out when you appear at social functions, getting time alone with you, and dropping hints that she's looking for a serious relationship this time too. Even if she does, then you'd need the raise the subject of her withdrawing. You could just mention it casually or jokingly and leave her to comment. This would be her chance to say something has changed so listen carefully at this point. I think you need to be reassured that she is looking for something serious this time and that whatever caused her to withdraw last time is no longer relevant.

 

Good luck, as you obviously like this girl very much.

[aroll32]

Hmm, this is a really difficult one, because she is showing signs of interest I think. But, I'd be extremely wary. You could let her seek you out, appear at some things she attends but be inconsistent so that she doesn't think you are there specifically to see her. Keep her guessing a bit. I say this not to suggest you play games but because you need to protect yourself a bit and see what her true intentions are.

 

If you get talking to her at any point and there is talk of relationships (in general, not specifically with her), then I'd drop into the conversation that you are not interested in flings with anyone but are looking for someone more lasting. Don't mention her as being a possiblity, leave her guessing. The point of saying this is that you may be talking in general but you are getting a clear message across to her that you are not going to be messed about. She'll know you are not available for a half-hearted game. It will make her think, especially if you have not approached her. She may have to make some effort to show you she's not looking for flings any longer either.

 

It is then up to her to indicate to you that she's interested. I'd look out for her seeking you out when you appear at social functions, getting time alone with you, and dropping hints that she's looking for a serious relationship this time too. Even if she does, then you'd need the raise the subject of her withdrawing. You could just mention it casually or jokingly and leave her to comment. This would be her chance to say something has changed so listen carefully at this point. I think you need to be reassured that she is looking for something serious this time and that whatever caused her to withdraw last time is no longer relevant.

 

Good luck, as you obviously like this girl very much.

 

Yea, we were texting today, and she brought up how she will give me a paper that I need for my major at her school when I get in town. I've never been good at seeing signs of what a girl wants, which is why I have no idea if she's interested or not. But, this doesn't matter to me. She can want whatever she wants. All I really want is a fling with her, because it can't go any farther than that. If by some divine inspiration she does want a relationship, she will have to prove herself. I'm trying not to let myself slip into wanting to be with her long term. I've already got it stuck in my head that there's nothing I can do to get her. And I did this to help myself.

 

Plus, I have been acting on my own time. Not playing any games, maybe subconsciously, but not really worrying about her. I haven't been calling and texting everyday, because I don't want to. The other day, I called and she didn't answer, and I really could care less. She ended up calling back when I was with a couple of friends so I asked if I could call her back. Me and my friends went out that night so I forgot to. I mean, of course I remembered, but I wasn't going to call while I was at a party.

 

Overall, I think I am handling this better than the first time I wasn't sure if she was interested. Now, for the tricky part. What's the best way when I see her again to tell if she truly is interested? I know I can ask her out, which is probably the most direct way to find out. And also, the first time we had a go, we talked every day. She would often initiate contact. Now, I'll talk to her 3 or 4 times a week. Most of the time it's because I initiated it. What should I think about it? Is she unsure whether she's interested? I will say that she has been responding very prompt lately. Normally I wouldn't hear from her until 20-30 minutes later if at all. Now she responds in at most a minute or two.