Challenge or Not?

[JW]

I often read posts written by males saying that a man should remain a challenge, in order to sustain a woman's interest (and vice versa of course). My question is how does a woman know when a man is being a "challenge" and when he's simply not interested. Sometimes I find that it is not easy to tell, and we often rationalize a man's lack of interest as him being a challenge.

 

Any thoughts? I'd especially like to hear from those that

advocate this "challenge" theory.

[beaker]

I think you're right -- women sometimes rationalize a man's lack of interest by thinking he's trying to be a challenge. Men do their share of rationalizing too, of course...

 

You may be misunderstanding the nature of the whole "challenge" thing, at least in the way it usually comes up on this forum. When I've seen that advice here it's typically directed at people who are being clingy or desperate, often causing them to annoy or drive away the person they're trying so hard to impress (though they may not realize it). Telling someone to be challenging is therefore not synonymous with playing hard to get -- if a man doesn't let a woman know he's interested, how does he expect to hook up with her? Instead, it's meant to convey that interest and enthusiasm are great, but weakness and pathetic desperation are very very bad. It's meant to tell people that it's okay for them to be themselves and politely turn down activities or events that are inconvenient or hold no interest for them, rather than mindlessly tagging along like a faithful puppy, which quickly breeds contempt.

 

Being a challenge just means you want to be with someone (maybe really really badly!)... but you don't need to be with them and could function adequately on your own if necessary. That emotional maturity and independance is an attitude both men and women find attractive in their partners, and advice to "be challenging" on this forum usually seems to be meant in that context.