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Do Nice Guys Finish Last?


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Is there any truth to this quote? I always thought that women wanted to be treated nicely. I consider myself a perfect gentleman. I have always been nice. This is who I am. But I have read that it's a good idea to be a little cocky too.

 

Should I really be something I'm not? It doesn't seem right.

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Bro,

 

Just be yourself and don't worry about how other guys act.

 

And just to set the record straight, NO! Nice guys don't always finish first, sometimes we even win big!

 

Hang in there man, there's a nice girl out there for you.

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YOU ASK: "Should I really be something I'm not?"

 

Absolutely not. Be yourself. There's nothing worse than false advertising to get you who you don't want.

 

However, most younger women and some older ones do not particularly get their hearts to set ablaze for a man who is always available, who constantly kisses their ass, who is consistently predictable, who is always insisting on being the one who gives, etc. Their passions are stirred by some unpredictability, some aloofness, some element of challenge.

 

So be who you are but just overdo the kindness. Always be nice. If you can just be a mystery, someone they can never figure out...you can have just about any woman you want. No, that's not right...I have most of them.

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Should you be yourself? ABSOLUTELY!!!

 

I personally cannot stand a cocky man who thinks he is all that, because the truth be known none of us are! I will crucify the guy with the earring, fake tan, big muscles that comes up to me and has that look on his face like "I can have you", ughhhhh, get him out of here.

 

I'll try to explain it as simple as possible....

 

Most women do want a gentleman, someone who opens the door for them, pulls their chair out, pays for dinner and a guy who occasionally brings them flowers.

 

We like the guy who will pump our gas when it's cold out, puts air in our tires, takes out the trash and basically handles "the man" stuff.

 

We will usually walk all over the guy that is a pushover. The one that says "whatever you want honey", "Ok Dear, I'll sit at home with the kids while you go out".

 

In ten words or less, we want a man, we don't want a wimp!

 

I can think of many things I would like to do with George Clooney for a night, but the next man I marry will have the Noah Wyle attitude, get it?

 

I hope I've helped!

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P.S. If you guys need me, I'll be over here ------------------> X,

dreaming that these kind of men still exist!

 

Ok, Ok, maybe just a quick dream about George!, lol

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Well its all fine and good when people sugar coat life, but the fact is, good guys, especially when younger, finish last a lot.

 

I was the nice guy growing up, and I guess "being good friends" with a girl or being "like her brother" isn't finishing last, but it sure as hell ain't winning.

 

Life sucks, and life isn't fair, BUT it gets easier. So you might be losing a lot now, but as it goes it gets better. How old are you btw? I noticed things in college were a lot easier (maybe you're in college) and the best once out of college. Seems like once schooling is over a lot of the clique's fall apart.

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or, maybe as we get older, we tend to be less rigid in our mindset because our priorities have matured, and we give "nice guys" a second look when we know that there's a decent guy and not a jerk we can deal with.

 

quank

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yeah i think you're right. In as you're growing up you classify people, jock, prep, nerd, band-geek. And then you judge them by that. As we grow up i think we throw a lot of those away and judge the person individually.

 

or by more important things like race or religion, ;)

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Just be yourself. If you want a woman to be your friend just

"be nice." But if you want something more, make it obvious to her.

She will either like you for you or give you a clue that she is not interested. I know that it is hard but the best thing you can do is wait for the correct person to come along. That person will like you no matter what you act like. ;)

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  • 1 month later...

what women wont tell you is not only are you last but dead last women say they want a guy to treat them right but go out with losers well you cant have it both ways bad and good so dont believe women when they say I want a gut that is nice and considerate blah blah blah what they want is someone to take care of them and listen to their bs but god forbid if you have a problem they couldnt care less

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tekguy, I have been doing an enormous amount of thinking about this and heres my scientific-like brain results. Keep being a nice guy there is nothing wrong with it. If you are nice keep being nice but don't be too nice because people will take advantage of you. You seem like a smart and kind dude, plenty of people will hate you for that because they are pieces of crap and they probably wish they were the good person you seem to be. Don't let those idiots brainwash you into thinking nice guys finish last. Mean guys always lose in the end because even if they have a big house, an SUV and a beautiful woman, they usually secretly hate themselves for being a.h.'s and their wives used to love being treated like crap when they were going steady but now the drama act got old and they are resentful and bitter. Look for a girl with more brains than looks, unless you can find an anomaly (i.e. a girl with both) that loves you. And Never ever give up because then you are giving these guys with the "nice guys finish last" mentality a victory they don't deserve. The most successful people in society are nice guys but that is hard to see when you are on the ground floor of life and you aren't standing on a hill. Don't be intimidated by other people's bad worn out b.s. and maybe one day the she you are looking for will find you. The bottom line, is that you are never too old to find the right person, and if someone doesn't want you because your nice, they don't want you, and you should move on because you can do better.

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Well, here's the thing. I have run into more than a couple of guys who insist they are 'nice guys' but who were nothing of the kind, including my recent ex who was argumentive, oppositional, and no fun at all ever. He made unkind remarks about people and behaved very selfishly, yet he was utterly convinced that he was nice. People can be very good about deceiving themselves, you know.

 

How do you know you are a nice guy? Do you have lots of friends who love you? Do people tell you you're a really nice guy? If you are labouring under the impression you are nice but haven't got any proof (such as compliments from others), then best re-evaluate your opinion of you. Could be you need some improvement in a few areas.

 

Just a thought.

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moimeme, first everyone thinks that nice guy is the worst thing and then I say it might not be that bad and you make it into the pinnacle acheivement. I am not trying to join the debate team, i am trying to answer a serious question that one of our fine posters asked.

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Tekguy, please don't stop being a nice guy. Take this from a 'hot chick'-that's what some a-holes have referred to me as, and guess what? none of them have stood a chance. why? i respect me, and want to respect the person that i'm with and would never consider dating someone that would objectify me blatantly like that. you don't worry. you stay kick ass sweet. you will meet someone of stellar quality some day that will treat you like a king, and you will treat like a queen. You deserve that!

Stay cool, and keep that chin up!

Something that came to me:

The loudest voice doesn't necessarily belong to the strongest person.

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How do you know you are a nice guy?

 

I think this is a very valid question. I, too, have run into many guys who claim to be nice and complain about "finishing last." While these guys may have had some "nice" qualities insofar as how they treat a woman, they also had some qualities which were not so "nice."

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longlegzs80

I know with myself if a guy treats me with respect, has a good sense of humor, is fun, honest, intellegent, trustworthy, and just an overall decent guy and chemistry, they are the ones that I would like. Don't change yourself. Women will appreciate you with the way you are if you don't act like someone your not. You will get further ahead then some guy who is a bad boy that acts cocky.

 

I don't know how other women feel, but I find it very difficult to meet guys overall, but the nice guys are really hard to find. It would just be nice to find a guy who can accept himself and keep being the way he is being. Your best bet is not to change. Don't become one of those guys who are cocky and conceded. WEll, hope this helps.

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moimeme, first everyone thinks that nice guy is the worst thing and then I say it might not be that bad and you make it into the pinnacle acheivement

 

I have no idea what you are talking about.

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  • 2 months later...

I have read some very negative posts.... I am not going to name names... but one person in this "Do Nice Guys Finish Last" ..... driving me nuts with all the negative comments.. especially about women.

I have dated a**holes... I have dated some seriously f*cked up guys.... Been miserable with these people... (Not saying I'm an angel, we have have our moments) Then one day I met up with Wes. He is a perfect gentleman, holds doors, holds my hand, treats me like a queen, treats my girls like they are his, when I'm sick he comforts me, he's everything a woman could ask for. And he is YOUNGER then me (26)I am 29 . He's got more maturity then most 40 year old men, (well the ones that I've known anyways.) I've got me a wonderful fabulous man whom someday I hope to marry. Sometimes a woman/man has to go through some **** in order to find that perfect one for them. Some people feel like they don't deserve good in their lives, so they choose a**holes to be with. I know I deserve good, and I treat him just as good as he treats me.

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And he is YOUNGER then me (26)I am 29

 

That's not a huge difference. Most of my fellows have been younger by from 4 to 8 years. It really is about who the person is, though.

 

Yesterday's Oprah was about men and women in relationships where there was a gap of ten or more years between the older woman and the younger man. Some of the women said that the men were less likely to have rigid attitudes and were more flexible on the whole. I got the sense that these guys were very much the 'nice guys' and that was one of the attractions.

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Just be yourself Tekguy. There aren't enough "decent" men out there who know how to treat a lady - or maybe I just meet the wrong ones. You can hold your head up high and be proud of who you are because you will be respected for it...and the ones who don't respect you aren't worth knowing frankly.

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Yup, they certainly do. Nice guys are generally NOT a challenge. Therefore, the gal will know she "has" his heart, and hence...goodbye.

 

Just my cynical two cents worth folks.

 

Curt

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2SidestoStories

Is it possible that the "nice guys" are going for the "nasty girls" just the same way that the "nice girls" are going for the "nasty guys"?

 

I mean, REALLY, folks! Think of it this way: people have to learn things for themselves. No matter what anyone on an internet forum tells you, the changes you've got to make to your attitude are yours and yours alone.

 

I think moimeme has a very valid point in asking you whether you really are a nice guy. I also think that there are genuinely nice guys AND genuinely nice girls out there who get trampled on a LOT. I happen to fall into the "nice girl" category, and have had more guys tell me, "I don't want to ruin our friendship by being your boyfriend!" and then not speaking to me ever again! (How's THAT for fun?)

 

I guess I'm trying to say that nice or not, people need to evaluate what they have in their lives before they get so focused on romance as the END all BE all determination of their value as a human being.

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Yup, they certainly do. Nice guys are generally NOT a challenge. Therefore, the gal will know she "has" his heart, and hence...goodbye.

 

Some gals, maybe. I'm back to love styles. Some people crave 'excitement'; meaning a 'wild' spouse or constant battles, so they can feel alive. Others don't get that big a charge out of a 'challenge'.

 

I think Beth's pegged it. I think perhaps many of the 'nice guys' who bemoan their being left in the dust have not looked for nice girls. Perhaps they do want the 'bad girls' who pose a 'challenge'. Maybe 'nice girls' seem too much like Mom so they can't bring themselves to like them.

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I think perhaps many of the 'nice guys' who bemoan their being left in the dust have not looked for nice girls. Perhaps they do want the 'bad girls' who pose a 'challenge'. Maybe 'nice girls' seem too much like Mom so they can't bring themselves to like them.

 

Not so, at least not for me. Very difficult to find "decent" girls. I just want an honest, real woman who is romantic, good with ppl, etc. No "bad girls" need apply. Where is she? Hmmm....

 

Plus,

 

I've heard that, in fact, many men are more guilty of attempting to FIND someone LIKE their mothers. Not sure that's great either, but. :p

 

I'm thinking that this is just something else that both sexes build ideas about, based on their own experiences, while no truly objective "rule(s) of thumb" on the "nice person left in the dust" idea can really be deduced.

 

I can only speak from experience.

 

Curt

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