shadowplay Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 I'm still good friends with one of my first boyfriends. He's a smart guy, but he doesn't live in reality. He denies everything about himself, and whenever somebody tries to get through to him or say what he doesn't like he instantly demonizes them. I really would like to help and get through to him, but he's probably the most stubborn person I've ever met. I'll go into a bit more detail on the problem. Our relationship didn't work out because I realized after a few months how psychologically disturbed he was. He would change his identity practically every day. One moment he was straight, the next gay, the next transgendered, etc. He now has decided that his father abused him as a child. Ordinarily, I would take somebody's word for it, but in his case I'm 95% sure he's created a false memory. He has no memories of the abuse, and before he came to this "epiphany" he would complain that he almost wished he had been abused because it would explain his problems. He is the type of person who can convince himself of almost any delusion if he wants badly enough to believe it. Of course I've never really questioned the veracity of his claim, because I know he'd pull a hissy fit if I did. But I'm incredibly frustrated with him, because I know he'd be a lot happier if he stopped living in this fantasy world. If I ever question him on anything that makes him uncomfortable, he immediately shuts me out. I've only had one other experience with somebody like this and it was on LS, a member who couldn't get over their ex because they were unwilling to let go of the fantasy and would effectively block out anybody who said what they didn't want to hear. But this is far more extreme. Maybe I should just stop trying. Any advice from people who have tried to reach those in lala land on what works? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Maybe I should just stop trying? thats a good idea. he needs professional help Link to post Share on other sites
Author shadowplay Posted December 16, 2009 Author Share Posted December 16, 2009 thats a good idea. he needs professional help Yeah, and I've encouraged him to get it. But he does the same thing with therapists. He says they don't understand him, or he decides he doesn't like them. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Yeah, and I've encouraged him to get it. But he does the same thing with therapists. He says they don't understand him, or he decides he doesn't like them. there is nothing you can do for him then. just discontinue the "friendship" and show him thru action that he is not normal. Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Just make fun of him and call him princess Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 You can't save him or rescue him, or change him. He is who he is.. If he wants to change or get better, he should counselling and be on meds. Sounds like he has some sort of mental disorder. Suggest counselling to him if you want, but chances are, since he's stubborn, he'll just ignore. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Sounds like he has some sort of mental disorder. Suggest counselling to him if you want, but chances are, since he's stubborn, he'll just ignore. CBT may be called for here Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Indeed..... Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Shadow, what's your motivation to try to reach him? Is there a bond through which you think you 'owe' him your help, or is it just reaching out to help someone that you think needs it or what? I'm not judging, I'm just interested in the draw that pulls you in, when a lot of the signs point to "back off..." My other thought is, consider the effect, both on him and on you, if you were somehow successful. Are you sure that he would be happier, that it's just as simple as that? Are you possibly projecting a fantasy of what he would be like, but can you really know that with any confidence? Be careful of what you wish for, and beware of unintended consequences. Link to post Share on other sites
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