bhsunny21 Posted May 16, 2003 Share Posted May 16, 2003 I am in a situation that is a bit confusing to me for I am getting advice from my friends that contradict each other. The condensed version of my story is that a few weeks ago I went out on two first dates with two different men. I am a pretty regular dater, so it wasn't anything that I hadn't done before. This is the first time, however, that I had a great time with each and wanted to see both again. Since that time I have spent a great deal of time with both. I am not committed to either, especially since we just went out for the first time a few weeks ago, but I could definitely see myself dating either one more seriously. The thing is, I don't know if I should choose now or risk hurting one in the future. One of the men will be leaving for 3 months next week, leaving me to spend a great deal of time with the other. However, it has been stated that he wants things to pick up where we leave off when he returns. Some of my friends think that I am the luckiest girl for I have two great guys who think that I am great whom I get along with tremendously. They have said that I am not committed to either one so I should ride it out while the one is gone for three months to see how things go. They say to be careful and to not burn my bridges. However, I have heard the opposite too by them saying that I need to choose between them and that it is unethical of me to do. I have not lied to either of these men and have not become sexually active with either. I have just been enjoying their company. I know that no one can make up my mind for me, but I am just worried that I will 'pick' the 'wrong' one and lose the other for good. Maybe this three month time period will be a good time for me to figure stuff out. I am just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation or has any kind of advice. I have never been in this situation before and I don't want to end up hurting anyone but I dont want to feel like I am cheating on one or the other, even though I am not committed to either. I care for both of these men a great deal and I don't want to lose them. Thank you for any help. Link to post Share on other sites
Reckless Posted May 16, 2003 Share Posted May 16, 2003 First of all lucky, lucky you. Second, well, I was in a similar situation not too long ago with my current - I like you was torn, even though I had not made any promises and both guys were like 'Well, you do what you have to do... I'm a better you'll choose me in the end...' (both had strong personalities). Thing was, in the end I had to follow my gut. I didn't like the two guy thing even for what turned out to be a total of only about 4 weeks and I chose the one that (and this might seem silly) I chose the one that was the 'kindest' not the most dynamic, the one that was the straightest and clearest (non game player if you like). That was maybe an easier choice than yours but the principle is the same - You can date them both for as long as you like if you are honest but sooner or later the decision kind of makes itself - give it time. Different people appeal to different parts of us, it's not totally an intellectual decision, if circumstances means you have a bird in hand I'd say don't burn your bridges but take full advantage of the situation and let the bird in the three month bush face the music when he comes back. Three months is a long time and unless there is a very clear voice telling you to wait for candidate number two why not give the guy that's there your very best shot - if it works you're on a winner and if it doesn't you'll be ready for Candidate number two when he gets back. There isn't really a right or 'wrong' here, there's just a here and now, so seize the day, throw away the stop watch. If that just feels 'wrong' you know you have to wait for Mr. I'm on my way honey - please don't forget me. If your gut (or heart) tell you nothing at the moment, give it a bit more time, relax and enjoy if you can. And if push comes to shove, choose the kindest. Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted May 16, 2003 Share Posted May 16, 2003 [color=indigo] I agree with Reckless. Just feel out the situation and eventually your heart will tell you which one is for you. I also was in a similar situation and in the end my heart told me just who was "the one". My heart kept flip flopping though so it is better to ride it out until you know for sure. I knew my current boyfriend was "the one" when I was with the other guy I was dating and all I could think about was my other guy. I started to feel miserable without him and missed him terribly. When I was with my boyfriend now, I didn't miss the other guy at all. That was a red flag right there. I would suggest that you keep things simple for now and see the other guy while the other one is gone. Once the other one is back, see how things go with him. These kind of situations are never easy and inevitably, someone will get hurt. That's just the nature of the situation so once your heart knows, you can set the other one free to find his Mrs. Right. Good luck! [/color] Link to post Share on other sites
Author bhsunny21 Posted May 20, 2003 Author Share Posted May 20, 2003 Thank you for your advice. To tell the truth, I have pretty much made up my mind. I was considering how I was feeling when with one or the other. It came to my realization that I was thinking of one all the time, even with the other. So, now I will have to deal with the fact that he will be gone for 3 months....I think that is another post for another forum...lol Link to post Share on other sites
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