CalLily Posted April 30, 2003 Share Posted April 30, 2003 I need some advice. I've dating my boyfriend for about 10 months now, and we are pretty serious. Since the beginning of our relationship he's asked me to be sincere and to tell him the truth, not to hide anything from him. Well i've mentioned to him that i was raped when i was a 12 yrs old, but i've never mentioned who raped me. The person that raped me is his brother, now this is something that has been bothering me because someone already knows. When i was younger i dated another of his brothers, but that was sort of a teenage fling. That was 4 yrs ago, i mentioned this to him, because i did not see him as a boyfriend but as a friend. Should i tell my recent boyfriend? or if i don't tell him, what if his brother ends up telling him out of spite? I am confused and am in desperate help. I love my boyfriend, and don't want this secret to ruin our relationship, but at the same time if i keep it any longer and he suddenly finds out, it will be even worse, i don't think he would understand. Please help. Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted April 30, 2003 Share Posted April 30, 2003 It's your secret, your pain. And your choice as to whom you share it with. But I must say that it sounds a bit weird: you were raped by someone when you were still a child, a violent and terrible thing. Since no one else seems to know about this I assume it went unreported/unpunished. Maybe you didn't know what to do. Maybe you don't live in a place where rape is seen as a crime against the woman who was raped, and so could not tell anyone. Whatever your reasons. I hope you've been able to heal from it. What seems weird to me is, why have you subsequently become involved with not just one but two of your rapists brothers? If, for whatever reason, you weren't able to pursue justice against your rapist, why would you want to have anything to do with anyone associated with the guy? I'm not suggesting guilt by association, but at the very least it must bring up memories of the event. Your rapist's name must come up -- and perhaps you actually have to encounter him at family gatherings, etc. And you're in a quandary now because you don't know if you can share this terrible thing with your boyfriend -- one person who certainly should know about it and be supportive of you. Have you sought counseling for this? I strongly recommend that you talk to someone who can help you deal with what appears to be a trauma you've never been able to directly address. I'm not a counselor or a rape expert but I think it's rather alarming that you're involved with your rapist's brother -- knowing full well that they're related. It's not as if you'd been dating and only discovered the connection months later, after falling in love with the brother. This can't be helping. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalLily Posted April 30, 2003 Author Share Posted April 30, 2003 Well, our families are very close. I didnt' choose to fall for his brother, actually it was something that just happened. As for the rapist, i haven't seen him for about 8 yrs now and he actually moved out of the country. I know it might be weird, but i dont' really think about this situation much. I guess you can say i've forgoten about it, the only times it comes to mind is when my boyfriend asks me if i've sincere, that's it. I've been able to move on, and forget about it. I don't dwell on it or anything, i've left it in my past. It was unreported out of fear, fear of feeling shameful of myself, or continue my life being labeled as being raped. I was young, and didn't want to cause any problems. Link to post Share on other sites
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