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Unfamiliar Culture?


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I'm going to end up sounding completely ignorant, but I guess I sorta am ignorant on this situation.....

 

I'm my neighborhood, we have newish neighbors. It is a large integrated family. I'm not sure where they are from, but it is not the U.S.

I will let you know up front that I don't know much about them despite being as pleasant a person as possible. Not for not trying though.

 

If I am outside walking and I smile and nod a "hello" to them, (the women) they look away and scurry off. I see the women mostly one day a week and they are dressed in beautiful fabrics, but this is usually the only time I see most of them step foot out of their home and they all leave together (men and women). Two younger? ones (one has had something traumatic happen to one eye), I see in more casual attire (similar to myself on any given day) who seem to do the domestic puttering for them all.

There are about 6 women in all.

If I am outside walking and they (the men) are walking towards me, they step off the sidewalk and walk very far around me. All are TERRIFIED of my 25lb dog. Their demeanor around her is so extreme, it of course, makes her bark (so helpful she is). :p I do not let her jump on people.

They will smile at my fiance. The men will even speak to him and my son, so they do know basic English greetings.

 

I don't know what I can do to put them at ease around me. And for the life of me, I can't think of anything I do or have done that could have offended them.

Does anyone have a clue or does any of this sound familiar? Any tips for making nice?

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I don't know what culture this is but it almost sounds cultish. Why not just let your man socialize and stay away from them. If the women approach you, just be friendly.

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GorillaTheater

The aversion to your dog makes me think they may be Moslem; I don't think the Koran explicitly makes dogs unclean, but the attitude exists. The Koran IS fairly explicit about not being too friendly with unbelievers, but I can't think of the Sura offhand.

 

Beats me. As has been mentioned, be friendly.

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Does anyone have a clue or does any of this sound familiar? Any tips for making nice?

are they brown? do they look like they are indian or pakistani? do they reek of curry? do the women dress from head to toe or have little red dots above their noses?

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I don't know what I can do to put them at ease around me. And for the life of me, I can't think of anything I do or have done that could have offended them.

Does anyone have a clue or does any of this sound familiar? Any tips for making nice?

 

 

When I am trying to understand someone form a different culture or background I try to think outside of my own paradigm. You say that you feel as if you may have offended them or that they are not at ease with you. Perhaps in their culture, there is not a lot of mingling with others. Or perhaps it is deemed inappropriate for men to speak to women outside of their family or something.

 

The other thing to consider is that is can be very intimidating to be in an environment where you are very different. It is intimidating and new and even friendly people and situations may be approached with caution.

 

Maybe your BF can ask them where they are from and some things about their culture. Maybe a welcome to the neighborhood offering of food would break the ice.

 

Luckily for them they moved in next to you. Some would take offense to this and see it as them being aloof or unfriendly. I like your attitude.

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When I am trying to understand someone form a different culture or background I try to think outside of my own paradigm. You say that you feel as if you may have offended them or that they are not at ease with you. Perhaps in their culture, there is not a lot of mingling with others. Or perhaps it is deemed inappropriate for men to speak to women outside of their family or something.

 

The other thing to consider is that is can be very intimidating to be in an environment where you are very different. It is intimidating and new and even friendly people and situations may be approached with caution.

 

Maybe your BF can ask them where they are from and some things about their culture. Maybe a welcome to the neighborhood offering of food would break the ice.

 

Luckily for them they moved in next to you. Some would take offense to this and see it as them being aloof or unfriendly. I like your attitude.

 

Yeah, at first it did seem really rude, but I felt jumping to that conclusion made it all about me and what is normal to me. Though I'm likely a real oddity to them tooling around on my bike or covered in mud after a romp in the woods with my dog. I just don't see most folks going out of their way to be rude to others even if they are different so there is no logical reason to assume they would be doing that.

Plainly speaking, they are darker skinned than myself though that isn't saying much. They are not so light skinned as to look say, Arabic or Zionist. They do not look Indian and do not wear Tilaka, but the fabrics are similar to some of the clothes I've seen in Bollywood movies only it covers more skin than that typically does while not being a full on burka. The two who seem to be the family's domestic workers are the only ones I see wearing all black, but even that wasn't the head to toe burka. The clothing for them seems more for ceremony rather than daily code as they don't even cover their heads on the day to day.

The men are much darker skinned than the women, but I think it is due to the women not going out as much.

 

And the offering of food was something I considered. It was this that made me wish I knew more about their customs because then I would know what would be appropriate. Fruit? Rice? IDK. My fiance's best guess is Somali Muslims though he admits it is just a guess. When I say they speak to him, I only mean they return his greeting and smile.

I come from the Midwest and hoped to see more diversity in this area seeing as there are so many embassies in DC. There is much less intermingling than I had hoped, but most are a good bit more friendly than all this.

 

As to folks suggesting I just remain friendly - well yeah of course, but I am curious and would like to foster a friendlier aura to our tense interactions. Not just for them, but me too. :)

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I used to work in a very culturally diverse area, and I came into contact with Muslims of many different nationalities. (Pakistan, Somalia, Algeria, Tunisia, Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan etc)

 

Each nationality had its own little cultural characteristics, but one common thing I found was that women were definitely considered to be "second rate"-and I found many of the men found me (an independent, opinionated white woman in a position of respect) hard to fathom and hard to deal with.

 

It was often hard to command the same level of respect as if i had been a man, and I know they found it hard to be given treatment and advice by me.

 

I think there is also a common perception that western women are "loose" with their morals because they aren't controlled enough by their men, so perhaps they thought i might be a bad influence on their wives. (Often the men would do all the talking for the women)

 

Some of the families were more educated and their wives/daughters had similar jobs to me, so they were much easier to deal with.

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I used to work in a very culturally diverse area, and I came into contact with Muslims of many different nationalities. (Pakistan, Somalia, Algeria, Tunisia, Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan etc)

 

Each nationality had its own little cultural characteristics, but one common thing I found was that women were definitely considered to be "second rate"-and I found many of the men found me (an independent, opinionated white woman in a position of respect) hard to fathom and hard to deal with.

 

It was often hard to command the same level of respect as if i had been a man, and I know they found it hard to be given treatment and advice by me.

 

I think there is also a common perception that western women are "loose" with their morals because they aren't controlled enough by their men, so perhaps they thought i might be a bad influence on their wives. (Often the men would do all the talking for the women)

 

Some of the families were more educated and their wives/daughters had similar jobs to me, so they were much easier to deal with.

 

Well. :( I mean they do act like I will harm them in some way, but that perception seemed silly as I am pretty small. Even the women are taller than myself.

Did you have any luck in altering their opinion and gaining a friendly association with them or their families? I'd like to get to where they don't cringe away from me at the mail center or get off the walk ways to avoid whatever it is I'm expected to do.

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I'd like to get to where they don't cringe away from me at the mail center or get off the walk ways to avoid whatever it is I'm expected to do.

maybe you can bake a cake for them, something like a yellow double layer with buttercreme frosting...

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Geez, I can only imagine what it is like for the lesbian couple that lives across the hall from them! Lucky for all involved, those two women are rarely home. :laugh:

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I don't know what I can do to put them at ease around me. And for the life of me, I can't think of anything I do or have done that could have offended them.

Does anyone have a clue or does any of this sound familiar? Any tips for making nice?

 

Why bother? You don't even know them. :confused:

 

If some strangers seemed like they were wary of me I'd just shrug and forget about it.

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