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She does not show love, i do not understand why not...


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Okay let me start off with that I have not been the most pleasent person to be with for a long time meaning at least for the last 6 years. When we first got married it was great, then i started to drink alot more then I had before we got married. For some reason I thought it was cool on a friday night to buy a 30 pack of bush beer and finish it all by sometime sunday. It was not bad at first but my tolerance started to begin to increase and drinking more and more to meet this tolerance.

 

I am not an angry drunk just she knows how to push my buttons and pushed them well she did i tell ya. After cheating on me once which i have to admit i deserve for the way i treated her. I know she did it because i had become a drunken mad man and was not the guy she was in love with and married. Took me a very long time before i realized this!!!

Well, after the cheating happened i stopped drinking for a while and things were great. Then i got to drinking again because this loser that she cheated on me with came back around recently after 5 years of leaving her alone. This had happened at the end of july. From him coming back around i drank again and things got worse. Well, recently they went very bad the worse ever.

I had promised for a very long time that i would stop drinking but did not. She said i need help but my ego said F---U women. Well, she finally left, i went and got help, she came back, i am still going to someone for help and it is working amazingly. i have not had a drink in 2 weeks, i have sobered up and have a clear mind. I feel as if i was frozen and was just brought back. I see the damage i cause and want to fix it all.

Shes happy that i got help and taking big steps now. I started to work on our house after years of doing nothing, all the little things she ask me to do i have been doing to keep busy from drinking. i even started to learn to cook since she doesnt really cook and i am tired of the kids eating microwave food.

We will seek marriage counciling after i am done with my help. That is one thing i used to see if we should be together or not someone here gave me advice saying if i ask her to seek MC and she says no, then its over, if she says yes then she wants it to work and its not a lost cause. Well, she said yes to the MC but here is the dilema i am having....

 

She does not show affection, does not show feelings, sex is hardly ever, i never get a i love you unless i say it to her, i never get hugs or kisses unless i do it... i do not understand why... i know it will take time for her to see i am staying straight and that my promises mean nothing anymore since i lied so much before. but it would be nice to get some of that stuff i listed to give me motivation..... Right now i feel she is just with me to make things easier i told her this and she said thats not true. then i thought she is just with me cause of the kids and she says no my parents said they will give me support if i wanted to leave you. Maybe i have to give her time which is okay but yesterday sucked. She was crabby all day. i know i started it off cause i did not want to go to breakfast cause we were supposed to have sex the night before but she said she was too tired. i said fine left her alone and played the ps3 until i was tired. i woke up and started to give her a back rub and she said she didnt want to do anything..... I had gotten a bit mad cause she pulls this all the time with me gets my hopes up and then nothing. i get fustrated cause i feel she is not attracted to me but she says she is but it seems like she has lost her sex drive. Not to mention i should back off cause of the big fight we had the other week which resulted in me stoping to drink and seeking help. i figured by now we should be having make up sex. though 2 days after she got home one i gave her a massage on the back and it turned her on and it was great but it was not the makeup sex she said. maybe i need to give her more time but i do not want to annoy her but she does not communicate with me which sucks...

 

so today i will not call her and bother her i will let her cool down and see if she calls me if not then i will wait cause i am tired of being the little puppy getting shot down all the time. I just want to know what can i do to bring back the romance??? she says she loves me but her actions dont speak for those words!!! I want to take her out but do not have a baby sitter nor do we trust people to just watch our kids... I will try to work something out with my dad for this weekend cause we need some time together. I want to take her out maybe a movie and dinner or maybe just a nice dinner and something else. i want her to get dressed up a bit and i want to treat her very well that night, i want to be romantic and show her that the guy she loved and married is back now and there wont be a relapse.....

 

I was thinking of sending her an e-card this morning from 123greetings.com they have free animated e-cards i highly recommend them if you to be romanitc they have a category for almost every situation.

 

From a girls point of view do i just back off and wait for her to come around? What should i do i am at a cross road to how to get her heart back... thanks p.s. i do not talk to many girls and would like a girls point on this as well.

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