Why won't he ask me to marry him

[mamagump2]

I have know my BF... for lack of a better term, for the last 6 years. We have been together ever since my seperation from my ex-husband, that is 1 1/2 years now. We have been living together, with my two children, for a little over a year now, and we are expecting our son in less then 7 weeks.

 

My BF started asking me to marry him early on in the relationship and I felt that it was just romantic notions on his part, as they were done after love making, or deep and loving conversations. He stopped asking me, as I told him that I was sensative to the question, as I was going through a rough divorce from a 10 year marriage. So, we both put it on the shelf.

 

After I found out that we were going to have a child together, most of everyone asked us when we were going to get married?

 

Marriage has been something that we both feel strongly about. We have had multiple conversations about what we want. It boils down to, I love him and he loves me and we want to marry one day. I did not want to marry pregnant, so he asked me if it was alright if we became engaged, I told him that would be great.

 

It has been 6 months since then, and now I am tired of it all. People are still asking when we are going to marry. He has told people that, I don't want to, that I have not asked him, ect..... I on the other hand, as not to look like a complete fool, just responded, that we are having a baby. So, I don't have to embarrasee myself with the fact that he has not asked me.

 

I know deep down that he loves me and my children, and he is very excited with the coming of our son. So, why is he not ready to tell "the world" that he wants me as his wife? At times, I feel that maybe it is because he is not really wanting to marry me after all. He still brings it up, when people ask him, when are we getting married... but I don't say anything anymore, as I am not sure what to say. I feel, I am good enough to have a baby with, but not good enough for a promise to be man and wife one day.

 

As I move closer to the birth of our son, I grow more hurt by the fact that he has not asked me. I don't want a huge ring... I don't want a ring, just to be asked.

 

Why am I not good enough for that? Why won't he ask me? Why would he say these things, and then do nothing?

[Thaddeus]

He isn't asking you because you told him not to.

He stopped asking me, as I told him that I was sensative to the question, as I was going through a rough divorce from a 10 year marriage. So, we both put it on the shelf.

As for this...

After I found out that we were going to have a child together, most of everyone asked us when we were going to get married?

...I personally cannot think of a worse reason to get married than to cave to societal pressure.

 

But here, IMO, is the most important part:

I know deep down that he loves me and my children, and he is very excited with the coming of our son.

In the end, that's really all that matters.

 

Congratulations!

[mark982]

YOU told him to quit asking,then he does and your confused? you better ask him to get married, cause i don't see him doing it. once burnt twice shy.

[Enema]

Maybe he's gotten older and wiser.

 

52% of marriages end in divorce. 67% of second marriages end in divorce.

 

Why spend so much time, effort and money on something that will probably fail?

[CarrieT]

Why don't you ask him?

[Brady_to_Moss]

Maybe he's gotten older and wiser.

 

52% of marriages end in divorce. 67% of second marriages end in divorce.

 

Why spend so much time, effort and money on something that will probably fail?

 

If your single, 0% end in divorce :laugh:

[D-Lish]

He did ask you- several times. Didn't you also infer you are already engaged as well? That you didn't want to marry pregnant and that he said that was okay, why not remain engaged....???

 

How many times do you want the guy to ask before you actually say yes?

 

I really don't get the point of the post. He's obviously on board with the marriage thing.

[PinkToes]

You and your kids moved in with the guy 6 months after you separated from your husband and decided to start a family together a few months after that? That's pretty damn quick; maybe his head is still spinning.

[boogieboy]

Why don't you ask him?

 

Yeah how bout talking to him about it first instead of posting?

[BUENG1]

I have know my BF... for lack of a better term, for the last 6 years. We have been together ever since my seperation from my ex-husband, that is 1 1/2 years now. We have been living together, with my two children, for a little over a year now, and we are expecting our son in less then 7 weeks.

 

My BF started asking me to marry him early on in the relationship and I felt that it was just romantic notions on his part, as they were done after love making, or deep and loving conversations. He stopped asking me, as I told him that I was sensative to the question, as I was going through a rough divorce from a 10 year marriage. So, we both put it on the shelf.

 

After I found out that we were going to have a child together, most of everyone asked us when we were going to get married?

 

Marriage has been something that we both feel strongly about. We have had multiple conversations about what we want. It boils down to, I love him and he loves me and we want to marry one day. I did not want to marry pregnant, so he asked me if it was alright if we became engaged, I told him that would be great.

 

It has been 6 months since then, and now I am tired of it all. People are still asking when we are going to marry. He has told people that, I don't want to, that I have not asked him, ect..... I on the other hand, as not to look like a complete fool, just responded, that we are having a baby. So, I don't have to embarrasee myself with the fact that he has not asked me.

 

I know deep down that he loves me and my children, and he is very excited with the coming of our son. So, why is he not ready to tell "the world" that he wants me as his wife? At times, I feel that maybe it is because he is not really wanting to marry me after all. He still brings it up, when people ask him, when are we getting married... but I don't say anything anymore, as I am not sure what to say. I feel, I am good enough to have a baby with, but not good enough for a promise to be man and wife one day.

 

As I move closer to the birth of our son, I grow more hurt by the fact that he has not asked me. I don't want a huge ring... I don't want a ring, just to be asked.

 

Why am I not good enough for that? Why won't he ask me? Why would he say these things, and then do nothing?

 

You mention you are separated and not divorced?

[mamagump2]

Thank you everyone for your thoughts.

 

To answer some of your questions

 

I am divorced now, was only seperated at the time he starting asking me to marry him.

yes, it was a little quick to move in together, his idea.. but as it turned out... the right choice for us both.

He did ask me early on in the relationship, but felt it was not fair to answer as I was still married to another. I never told him no, just that I felt that I had no right to promise myself to another while still legally married.

 

We have spoken many times about marriage. He was the one that asked if it would be alright to be engaged while we were pregnant, as we did not want to marry while I was "with child". I said yes, that is fine, but he never proposed.

 

I am not scared to marry... what ever the statistics are out there. I loved being married and was hurt when my marriage ended. It has not made me bitter.

 

The more I think about it, and read the reactions of others. I see that it does not matter in the long run... married, engaged or not.

 

I love this man, and I am not going anywhere, and if it comes down to it... I will ask and what comes from it, so be it.

 

Family is Family... legal, not legal... I grow more at peace with it all...

I will look forward to the birth of our son, and rejoice that I can look upon his man with loving eyes.