The emotionally unavailable...

[Llorian]

Hey,

 

Not sure this is the right place for this, but I couldn't find anywhere else for it so here goes. Firstly I wanna apologise for the probable incoming wall of text, but please bear with me. Heaven knows I could really use the advice here.

 

So I'm a 24 year old guy and you could say I've not had an awful lot of luck with women. My first relationship I suffered both many psychical and emotional scars and the second turned out to be living a double life with another man.

 

Anyway about a year ago I started a new job, which is when I saw her. The girl who if anyone, I wanted to be lucky number 3. I knew there was something about her, but after my last relationship I was left with very little confidence and a nasty habit of ignoring my feelings before they even came to light. Time went by and I found myself thinking more and more about her, but I still wasn't able to put my feelings into any kind of context and some days I found myself waking up feeling terrible. Looking back now I realise it was because of her or rather the way I felt about her. I just didn't know it at the time.

 

It was not until a month or two later that I really began to understand what it was I felt for her. Sadly it took her getting into a car accident for me to realise this and when I was told by one of the girls in the office my hands started to shake, I went cold and ran to the toilet and threw up. Thankfully she had no serious injuries, but it was at that point I realised I had to tell her how I felt.

 

We have since kind of started going out, but she is somewhat emotionally unavailable. She is nearly 21 and never had a boyfriend before which is suprising because she is very beautiful, smart and funny. We have been out a few times and we talk an awful lot on the phone, but I haven't even kissed her yet. The one time I was about to she put her head down before I leaned closer to her because her nerves and emotions got the better of her. This amongst other things really got me questioning if she even wanted to be in a relationship and even now she swears she wants to be with me and wants to do all of these things with me.

 

Lately I have been finding it so very difficult to cope and just find myself thinking about her all the time and wanting to spend my time with her in a more intimate (I don't mean sex) way.

 

I thought it would be an idea to speak to my friends about her, but they aren't the sort of friends that can really connect with me on this level and I get told to "bin her". I have to admit a month or two ago I really considererd it and as I was about to confront her I came to a shocking realisation. I have fallen in love with her... I never thought after my second relationship I could love any other human being as much, but she transcends all of that. I can't put into words how I feel, but I know it's something I've never felt before. I find myself unable to function and I would gladly give up anything I possess or will possess in the future to spend one day with her without her being so nervous. Money, a nice house, a nice car... I don't want any of it. I just want her...

 

I don't want to end it because I would feel like we haven't given a relationship a proper chance yet and I wouldn't want to just leave it unfinished like that. Truth is I would rather try and fail and be left an emotional cripple for the rest of my life than to never try at all.

 

Is there anyway I can get her to lower the gates and let me in? Calling it off doesn't seem like an option at the moment, but I can't carry on like this either.

 

Please help!

[Warheart82]

So how is she emotionally unavailable? From your post it sounds like she is unsure of whether or not she wants to be with you, not that she is emotionally unavailable. Most girls that want to be in a relationship and have feelings for you arent gonna leave you hangin when you try to kiss them.

[Llorian]

I guess you're right, emotionally unavailable perhaps isn't the best word. Lets just say she's incredibly nervous.

 

If I knew she didn't want to be with me at all I would not have pursued this as much as I have and would not have bothered asking for the advice. Most times we speak on the phone she tells me that she really wants to be with me and wants to get closer, but she worrys about everything and even though she wants to do all of these things her nerves just get the better of her and she pulls away.

 

It's very hard to explain without going into even more detail. I guess maybe because she's not had a guy before she could be scared of being hurt, but I have reassured her countless times that I would never hurt her just as I never did with any of my ex's. As far as I am aware she says he has never been kissed before and she worries about things like thinking she is going to be no good. I've told her countless times about this too saying she will be amazing and I totally understand and don't mind.