wookiebaby Posted November 18, 2002 Share Posted November 18, 2002 Hello, If anyone can comment on my situation and give me a clear train of thought, I will be extremely grateful! I'm in a bind. I'm 26 and have been dating this guy that I love whole-heartedly for 2 years. One year before we meet however, I bought a house with my father. (A Little about my father, he is divorced from my mother, and has not seen any women since.) I have a 6 year old boy that he has been there for since the beginning, he's a great grandpa. (My son is probably the center of his life.) My guy of 2 years and I have had issues about our future however and it seems to stem around the fact that I will not move out of my house to be with him on a life of our own. We've tried having him live at the house that my father and I bought together, but it didn't work out to well because we have so many people living there to manage the mortgage payment. I want to start my life with my guy, but am afraid of the devastation it will bring to my father (Moving my son and taking away the financial support I contribute towards the mortgage, since I am half of the homes owner). I'm torn between the two. Do you have any suggestions? Where or how should I start to separate my life with my father and begin my own without burning a bridge that I have had with my father. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted November 18, 2002 Share Posted November 18, 2002 Assuming that your father is healthy and does not need you as a caregiver. Also assuming that your bf understands that your father will always be part of your life and be active in your son's life. It sounds like what you need to do is 1) Talk with your father about the financial burden it would place on him if you leave. 2) Find a replacement income for him. 3) Make sure your son knows that he's not losing his grandpa. 4) Get some couples counseling with your new bf to make the transition as easy as possible for all of you. (not psychotherapy, just someone to help you sort out the emotions that go along with all the changes. it's impossible on an internet board) 5) Keep communication open between everyone. Make sure your dad and your bf know that you will help in the future if your dad (or your bf's parents) are in need of some financial help. And don't break away totally - visit often and have him visit too. Same with your bf's family. These are easier said than done, but once you make a plan and everyone is in agreement it will help. If my assumptions are wrong (father's health, bf's reason for not wanting you to live with him) than the above steps don't mean anything and I would suggest some in-person counseling to help you sort it all out. BTW: some counseling centers can be found through the United Way and they include family planning centers who help people with elderly parents and new relationships and step-kids. Counseling is not just for mental illness - but to help us cope with the demands of today. Stress can be a killer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wookiebaby Posted November 18, 2002 Author Share Posted November 18, 2002 Thank you for your thorough outline of what I might do. My fathers health is fine. He once walked in on us, and that made things weird with him and my bf. Thank you so much for your advice. Link to post Share on other sites
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