HokeyReligions Posted November 13, 2002 Share Posted November 13, 2002 There is a lot of talk about what we should or should not "give up" in order to save a relationship or a marriage. I know what worked for my husband and I, but what are your thoughts? There is not right or wrong answer and some people that I've talked to have been appalled at what changes we made in our marriage. Some people might find it hopeful because my husband and I have been together for 20+ years. Others think that we should have split up 20 years AGO because they would not have made the changes or consessions that we made. It has to do with priorities and those change many times over the years. Some shaky relationships sound like all they need is for the people involved to really think about their priorities as individuals and as a couple and then make realistic decisions about the future of the relationship. It sounds a heck of a lot easier than it really is though. Some of our "consessions": No children No sex Lots of dogs Charitable activities I have a great marriage and we are always learning new things and working on keeping our marriage strong. We are totally devoted to each other and we are still romantic. In fact, we have had people on many occasions tell us that we look like the happiest couple and don't believe it when we tell them how long we've been together because we seem like newlyweds! Neither of us has ever been happier or more secure. We still hold hands, we always say Thank You and I Love You. We also split up (twice) for brief periods and went to counseling when we had some serious problems. As much as those times hurt - I wouldn't trade them because without the experience we probably would never have learned what it takes to make and keep a marriage as wonderful as ours. I described our consessions and marriage only to demonstrate that each relationship is different and it's amazing what works for people. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted November 13, 2002 Share Posted November 13, 2002 I think the key to a good, healthy relationship is being willing to let go of the things that you or your SO may want because you realize that it is harmful to your relationship. I guess that could be labeled as "compromise," but I'm not sure it is the right word, as many people view compromise as something negative, and overlook the positive aspect of it ... Nevertheless, that kind of give-and-take, along with a good dose of maturity, goes a long, long way in helping provide a stable relationship. I think what's helped my marriage is that old chestnut, "never let the sun set on your anger." Yes, my husband does some pretty boneheaded stuff -- and I imagine my being pigheaded doesn't make things easy either -- but we both understand that no matter how angry or hurt we get, it has nothing to do with the love we feel for each other. Considering that he's been married before, twice very briefly, knowing that he also considers love as a solid foundation in our relationship helps make the rough patches go a bit easier. Don't know if this is a "concession," but I do know that it's helped our marriage! Link to post Share on other sites
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