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Do men need love...


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as much as women do? I am mainly refering to romantic relationships. And if they do need love, is it lower in their list of priorities, e.g. do they value male companionship or their independence more than they value a partner's (woman's or another man's) love? I don't mean to generalize, so I would like to get a sense about what the majority of men feel when it comes to loving your partner.

 

I am asking b/c it's well known that for men sex and relationship are two different things. How about sex and love? Under which circumstances do these two go together?

 

Thank you!

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I'm sorry to say that you are right, but not all men are like this, just most. I know because I've played ice hockey with many people of many different ages and the way they talk is just scary.

 

When I said that there are some that are not like this... I am one not like the normal. I need love in a romantic relationship, and it must be there. It is the TOP priority for me. Sex and Relationships are not two different things for me. If I am not in a relationship WITH love, there is NO sex, not even if the girl wants it.

 

Sorry, but very few men are like this. Still nice guys finish last.

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i think you're wrong to think u'r so unique (or rare), bill

 

what men say and how men really feel are two different things. i agree that sex can be more pure-physical for men than for women, but juts like women, men want to be loved and taken care of. Just like women, they also care about their careers and other things. SO, i think how high family is on their priority list depends on the person, their upbringing, and what stage they're at in life.

 

i've seen guys go for a r/s purely for the sex, but i've never seen them choose it over a woman they are emotionally attracted to.

 

just some thoughts,

-yes

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As a female, you never get to hear male talk when the females are not around. I've heard just every age talk about females. Locker room talk is by far the worst. Think what you want, but I know what goes on.

 

I'm not saying that I am the only one like I am, I am just saying there are VERY few.

 

what men say and how men really feel are two different things

 

Nope. I say exactly what I mean. Lying is against my morals. I follow the quote "I'd rather have you hate me for telling you the truth than have you love me for telling you lies."

 

Do not generalize and put me in THEIR crowd, please. I am one who thinks completely different. I've lived quite a sheltered life and that might be why I'm like this. The things they say are quite shocking to me.

 

I am unique. My life has been more different than you think. I'm suffering right now because of my past. Everyone that knows me has said that I am different, completely different. You do not know me.

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Most guys are "distancers" They want relationships, but when they are there, they are like oh **** what do I do. I don't think it's that they dont WANT relationships like we do, I think they are just afraid of getting too involved or dependant on a woman.

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I have to agree with Yes on this one. What men say in the locker room and what they really think can be two entirely different things. It's not always true, certainly. But it's the case more often than not. Almost every guy has said something sex-related in the locker room that deviated from true events or their true feelings, in order to impress "the guys". Some guys monopolize the conversation and do this non-stop. Hey, if what they say is really over-the-top it can be totally hilarious. ;) I'm not saying every guy is hiding their inner-sainthood with macho chest-thumping, just that said chest-thumping is routinely and often massively exaggerated. It's a good practice not to take it too seriously. When someone thinks of testosterone-fueled nonsense, the locker room is the first place that comes to mind.

 

To Bill: Obviously you are unique. Everyone is; but your perspective on sex and relationships is not. I feel much the same, and I know of plenty of other guys in this category. As a general rule, they -- we! -- don't brag about our need for romance and commitment in the locker room. It's not really the place. We just keep our mouths shut and let so-and-so brag about his latest "score", so perhaps you're letting the noisy ones influence your perspective. Certainly you're revelling just a bit too much in being the last uncorrupted man on Earth! :) A minority definitely, but an important one. There are plenty of others like you, much more than a few.

 

Anyway, to answer Boomerang's question, I personally require love in a relationship to feel comfortable over the long-term. If it's not there and doesn't look like it will be, I get out as gracefully as possible. Casual relationships aren't my thing. I can't see how I'd be in love with anyone when I first start dating them (though I might have a crush), but if I thought there was something very incompatible that would preclude the possibility of a loving and long-term relationship, I wouldn't even start. As for sex, I have to have a strong emotional involvement before I'll sleep with anyone. As mentioned above, I think these views are in the minority but not uncommon.

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Of course men need love, we all want to love and be loved, thats what brings us all together.

Men might not say "I love you" just because hes afraid of being hurt, thats why he might not want to open up. Women have the same fears too,saying those three words is hard to do but yet harder to keep to yourself. I know from experience, most of my friends are men. They do discuss it at times but it might not come up very often. Men might talk like pigs at times, especially in the locker room which is a mans enviroment where men are supposed to be men, and with all the other men talkin like pigs its kinda hard to bring up love.How they were brought up has a big factor too, maybe if they werent loved it may be harder for them to love someone back. I also do believe what YES said. It depends on what stage of life they are in. Before they hit 20 they are still finding out who they are, and experimenting sexually, they are more worried about their carreers and where they are going in life. Women are like that too. So maybe we arent so different after all....

 

~Its better to be hated for who you ARE than loved for who you are NOT~

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Well I'm a guy and I have to say that for me, sex and relationships are generally two different things. I value sex above being tied down to one person right now. Undoubtedly this will change as I get older (I'm in my 20s) but I don't think that I am necessarily a "bad" person for enjoying my independance and sexual freedom right now. That's what being young is all about and personally, I wouldn't have it any other way. I have been in committed relationships where I love the girl but in that context sex always seems to become secondary and I find that very irritating. I think that it is possible to combine romance with sex but when you've been seeing someone for a few years BELIEVE ME, as a guy I just don't have the energy for both anymore.

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It can be seen already looking in this thread that different people want different things in their relationships with the opposite sex.

 

I think both have positive and negative payoffs, and either can be suitable depending on each person's temperament and lifestyle. Its not fair to judge as long as its all consenting.

 

I prefer a committed relationship, but I know it comes with many complications..it restricts your independant lifestyle, and you need to give a bit of yourself emotionally to the other person for it to work. Its complicated because people are inherently very complex hence very different from each other. But the rewards are a constant companion, a true warm sense of feeling loved, and practical matters such as living together and having two incomes. Its heavy stuff.

 

Regarding locker room talk, I don't think I have ever said anything I didn't mean in the locker room, and yes Bill, I admit, I can say plenty of stuff just like anyone else..but what is wrong with that?. No-one gets hurt, nothing is acted upon unless the feeling is reciprocated, and it brings out a bit of human nature driven comraderie between a few mates. As long as it doesn't hurt anyone else, I think anyone can do/say whatever they want in their own private space.

 

Oliver

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Can a guy talk about your sex life like a locker room and still love you? Just seems like a lack of respect to me...I dunno.

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funny that you mention that.

 

that's one of my criteria for sleeping w/ a guy. if i can imagine him bragging about sex w/ me to his buddies, i wont do it. it's gotta be special and private for him...

 

i think this is why ive never slept w/ any of my bfs cuz they were all young and exploring and wd surely brag about it like no tomorrow...

 

heh,

-yes

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Originally posted by boomerang

as much as women do? I am mainly refering to romantic relationships. And if they do need love, is it lower in their list of priorities, e.g. do they value male companionship or their independence more than they value a partner's (woman's or another man's) love? I don't mean to generalize, so I would like to get a sense about what the majority of men feel when it comes to loving your partner.

 

I am asking b/c it's well known that for men sex and relationship are two different things. How about sex and love? Under which circumstances do these two go together?

 

Thank you!

I have thought (and sometimes still do) that something was wrong with me because I've always wanted a relationship with a woman. I always wanted a loving, loyal woman in my life more than hanging out with my friends and my independence. I like my friends a lot and need to hang out with them, but guys get so boring and are so insensitive. I love the sensitive side of woman and the balance they provide. I also like the idea of offering what I can in the way of support, affection, and strength to the relationship, I don't want to just take from a woman either--I want to give as well. I suppose there's nothing wrong with that, but you never hear too many men wishing for a serious relationship I guess.

 

Regarding the sex thing, when I was divorced a couple years ago, I had the urge to go sleep with as many women as possible, but I couldn't do it because it would have been an empty experience to me. Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE sex, but I do want to have it with a woman I love. It doesn't mean that it isn't hard sometimes to not just have sex, but luckily for my own views, I didn't succumb to just sex when I really really wanted it. I waited until I fell in love with an amazing woman before hand and I feel like I made the right choice because sex with love is the best to me and what it was meant for.

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Nah, I was referring to talking about women, but not partners..yeah thats a different situation..I think telling friends about your private sex life is a bit disrespectful.

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I see it this way.......

 

I dont believe that men and women are that different. As I said before, we all want to love and be loved thats what brings us all together. You just need the right person to bring out the love thats inside of you.

You cant just say men are like this and women are like that, I dont think gender matters. Everyone has their own wants and needs, its going to vary with each person. We all want to be accepted.

Yeah, men may talk like pigs in the locker room, but just listen to how women talk as well. Women dont always think of sex as "love" there is casual sex too, sometimes we might not even know who we are having sex with. Sometimes there is this sexual appetite we need to feed , and at times, women just need "a piece" too. Maybe if we just focus on the similarities or men and women.....we would be surprised what we would find!

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I completely agree with ohhsara.

 

I think it is a double standard to complain about locker room talk when women can be just as bad - if not worse! At least most guys are only bull****ting each other in the locker room. My group of friends find it necessary to share every last detail of their intimate encounters, right down to things like size which BELIEVE ME has damaged quite a few reputations on my uni campus.

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for your replies. They are all different from each other, so I guess that tells me I should stop generalizing and keep looking :) Someone mentioned his divorce and the need to go out with as many women as possible. I dated a guy a few months after he finalized the separation and all he could think of was "score", and his mentality concerning women was that of a teenager. That was very surprising to me, since this guy was dutiful, respectful and reliable otherwise! I'm sure he didn't think of himself as 'bad' for doing that either, although he never made his intentions known before sex, that this is all 'casual' Can anyone explain to me what motivates a man to act this way?

Thanks!

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sounds like he was using sex as a from of validation. when any relationship breaks up, someone is going to feel rejected even if that person knows the friendship, courtship, marriage, etc. wasn't working out. so, sex is a way of "triumphing" over that broken relationship, even though it often has nothing to do with the issue at hand.

 

anyone who's been in a rebound relationship can tell you that there wasn't necessarily love or caring involved in that relationship, they just wanted someone who made them feel better about themself simply because they felt "wanted."

 

on the whole, I think men find it difficult to share what they're feeling because they're so used to keeping those feelings hidden or closed in. When someone does that, it's easier to act out than it is to explain what they feel (guy or girl).

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I would let each individual fall into their own category. Like we have a working class category of people. We have a high class society, middle class and low class.

 

Now take out the money factor and replace it with love and you have different categories as well. High would be the purest and strongest of love, medium and of course low class love. Some of us move up a class, some may fall down but ultimately (and to answer your question) eventually the low class will want to improve to the highest but may not always be lucky. The unlucky ones being the ones that never find love in themselves or love in anyone else.

 

I personally believe that this great nation is made mostly of middle class working people and low love class people.

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Originally posted by boomerang

for your replies. They are all different from each other, so I guess that tells me I should stop generalizing and keep looking :) Someone mentioned his divorce and the need to go out with as many women as possible. I dated a guy a few months after he finalized the separation and all he could think of was "score", and his mentality concerning women was that of a teenager. That was very surprising to me, since this guy was dutiful, respectful and reliable otherwise! I'm sure he didn't think of himself as 'bad' for doing that either, although he never made his intentions known before sex, that this is all 'casual' Can anyone explain to me what motivates a man to act this way?

Thanks!

 

Hi. I didn't go out and do it, but I know why I wanted to when I got divorced. a) I missed regular sex. My ex had stopped all together about 1-2 months before I knew she was leaving me. b) I wanted to feel like a man again instead of a crying, cowering loser. c) sex temporarily alleviates the pain, like alcohol. However, like alcohol, it can turn on you and make the pain greater until no amount of alcohol or sex can make you feel better. This is all my opinion. I think if your friend was honest about his intentions and he still worked through his problems to his best ability besides the sex, it was right for him.

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  • 2 months later...

My two cents...

 

There are obviously men who need love. I see that thankfully we are not a dying breed. Sex for its own sake satisfies an animal instinct, and I would like to think that a developed homo sapiens can control his primate behavior. After all, we're the only species that faces each other during the process for a reason. That is supposed to bring a new level of enjoyment, we're way past the ensuring survival of the species level of encounter...

 

Locker room talk may be exaggerated. Discussions over a bottle of beer at a hang out are probably less so. Gentlemen do not discuss their conquests.

 

The problem though lies in the stereotype. Would any of you ladies believe the "I'm not like the other guys" line? Probably not. It's the oldest in the book. What would be the manifestation of looking for love? It's a rhetorical question... Discussing it in the open would defeat its purpose.

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