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I feel so ashamed :o but ive been with my partner for 4 years and i just cant seem to make him cum by myself. He has always needed abit of work but im starting to get frustrated with myself for not being able to do it, he always has in help if you get what i mean. I just want to be able to plesure him by myself. If anyone can give me some advise or handy hints or tips it would be much apprecated!!!

 

Thank you.

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I feel so ashamed :o but ive been with my partner for 4 years and i just cant seem to make him cum by myself. He has always needed abit of work but im starting to get frustrated with myself for not being able to do it, he always has in help if you get what i mean. I just want to be able to plesure him by myself. If anyone can give me some advise or handy hints or tips it would be much apprecated!!!

 

Thank you.

 

 

Exactly what do you mean by yourself? Are you meaning when you both have sex? Or helping him out with masterbation?

 

Has your partner expressed any concern? Or does it bother him? Only he knows what HE likes and doesn't, so he should be comminucating to you what might help him out or what you could try etc.

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I mean not only helping him with masterbation but when giving oral pleasure too I think he just expecs me to know what to do. I havent been with many partners and dont have much experiance. He has made it clear he is getting frustrated with me not being able to do it for him. Just dont know what he wants when i ask he just tells me the basics and when i do it it doesnt work :-(

Dont know what to do next. He says he just wants me to be able to finish him by giving a hand or mouth job. He can make him self cum easyly i just cant do it.

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Advice/Tips that have worked for me with giving head:

 

Use your hand to help keep it from flopping everywhere/or from it hitting the side of your mouth or you biting it!

 

Just put your hand at the very bottom to hold it, and then first start just brushing your tounge back and forth on the tip of his penis. Then lick it all over to get it wet, and insert it in your mouth. I kind of fold my lips in so I don't scratch him with my teeth, and you just start up and down, as well as moving your hand up and down the same time.

 

Change the speed and the hardness (but not too hard)

Also move/swirl your tounge around while you are going up and down. Have him lay on his back and open his legs. You put one leg inside his and the other outside his. I usually stradle one leg to give me balance and support. Put your hair up in a tight pony this way it stays out of the way.

 

His moans should let you know exaclty what he enjoys. Also sometimes I take my other hand and just kind of play with his balls. (some guys seem to like that) but I can't do it for long because I need a hand to hold me up.

 

Hope this helps! I have been told that I am the best by multiple BF's :love:

 

Have fun and just try it. He loves you, don't be so insecure/nervous about it.

 

Also make some sucking noises on purpose, really loud. Guys like to hear stuff like that. I purposely make noises.

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Ask him if he's ever had his prostate stimulated. If yes, guaranteed Pompeii every time :)

If not, see how shy he is ;)

 

Prostatic stimulation is a great adjunct method when performing fellatio or giving him a hand job. You can do it externally, just in front of the rectum, but a dildo works best. Once he blows the top of his head off a few times, all you have to do is pull out that dildo and he'll be like Pavlov's dog :D

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He has made it clear he is getting frustrated with me not being able to do it for him. Just dont know what he wants when i ask he just tells me the basics and when i do it it doesnt work :-(
:rolleyes:

 

Sorry, but he's a dick for getting frustrated with you. If he wants to get off with a bj, then he ought to be able to tell you what feels good, what doesn't feel good, what he'd like you to try, how much pressure, does he want his balls squeezed at the same time, use your hands or not, etc.

 

You've been with him 4 years and he's treating you like this is solely your problem, when HE might be the one who has the issue. First question I'd have is, has ANYONE made him come through a bj? Some guys have a really hard time with that, for some reason. He might be one of those guys.

 

Otherwise, I'm guessing you're not applying enough pressure with your hand (maybe you're not using your hand at all during a bj?), or you're not building up to enough speed. Guys who are used to getting themselves off real quick by masturbating tend to get used to the harder pressure and faster stroke of their hand that a mouth just can't offer. Maybe he could stop masturbating for a week and see if that makes him more sensitive to your touch.

 

Also, is he circumcized? I've found that if a guy is uncut, it takes a lot longer to get him off through a bj.

 

Final question - can he get you off regularly, either through PIV sex (penis in vagina), oral, or with his hand? I hope he's able to do that, because his attitude sounds pretty lame for a guy who should be happy you really want to make him have lots of orgasms.

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Yep, communication is paramount in a sexual relationship. Neither gender is a mind reader :)

 

Since you can't control his actions or thoughts, focus on your reactions and proactive assertions. Verbalizing what you've written here will help you, both to overcome your "shyness" as well as opening lines of communication with him, if he is receptive. If he's not, you have an answer ...

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Why is this an issue after four years? Usually this type of thing occurs much quicker than that. Why is he still with you if it is such an issue?

 

Here is the first thing that popped in my head. Forgive me if I am sounding too suspicious when I ask the following questions.

 

How long has it been this way? Does he watch porn? Do you have any gut feeling that he may be cheating on you...including going to strip clubs, etc.?

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Instead of him whining and getting frustrated about what you're not doing right in his eyes, he should be helping to show you, since you say you haven't had alot of experience.

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He doesnt go to strip clubs or anything like that and he dont watch porn he said he will never cheat on me and i dont know what it is i just cant seem to finish him with out him intervining. He said i never have been able to do it but he does it to me almost everytime and i think he is starting to think were we have been together for 4 years its now an issue yet he has always said he is happy with our sex life. Im just starting to get really confused.We are open about our relationship and we do talk but he doesnt give me any hints or tips he just expecs me to get on with it.

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"I just can't seem to finish him without him intervening."

 

:confused: Do you mean he is intervening by taking over for you as in interrupting what you're doing? If that's the case no wonder YOU can't help him finish, he is doing it to himself.

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Its like im doing it quick enough so he takes it out of my hands gets himself close then gives it back so i can finish what i started. I feel like i aint good enough for what he wants. :-(

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Well you may be trying to be too careful and he is not getting enough stimulation. But really this is something he should be glad to work with you on, everyone is different and only by communicating what works and what doesn't do you get to a great sex life. Beside practicing is so much fun

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OP, he's an immature lover. He really is. He can't abandon himself to you. That might mean he's really not into you or he may have a psych issue or lack of maturity/experience. Probably you should post in the sexual practices forum if you want to get into more of the sexual details.

 

Tell us about the rest of your R. Sex is usually a barometer of the health of the R in otherwise sexually active adults.

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Our relationship is good but were he has had so many partners and sex friends in the past he is saying im not progressing enough in the time we have been together. I can understand that he is better at things than me i havent had as much experiance but im into learning and would love to practise but i cant when he gets frustrated with the way im doing things but then he keeps asking me to give him a bj all the time and when i do he doesnt let me get on with it then if he gets himself close and gives it back really quickly then i lose him from the brink of cumming he gets pissed off.

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Our relationship is good but were he has had so many partners and sex friends in the past he is saying im not progressing enough in the time we have been together. I can understand that he is better at things than me i havent had as much experiance but im into learning and would love to practise but i cant when he gets frustrated with the way im doing things but then he keeps asking me to give him a bj all the time and when i do he doesnt let me get on with it then if he gets himself close and gives it back really quickly then i lose him from the brink of cumming he gets pissed off.

 

Maybe you're better off learning with a parnter who is more patient and understanding. I don't think the one you're with is it.

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he keeps asking me to give him a bj all the time and when i do he doesnt let me get on with it then if he gets himself close and gives it back really quickly then i lose him from the brink of cumming he gets pissed off.

 

Immature. Personally, I'd stop dating someone like this.

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See thats what i would say but i love him so much and we have a child together and one on the way and i just want to be right for him in all areas of our relationship.

Would you stay or go in this situation???

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See thats what i would say but i love him so much and we have a child together and one on the way and i just want to be right for him in all areas of our relationship.

Would you stay or go in this situation???

 

How are other areas of your life with him other than sex?

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She says that their relationship is good but I have to wonder, if he gets "pissed off" about not "coming" when he thinks he should and blaming her for that, what else is going on. Methinks there are many layers to this onion, not the least of which is security :)

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good he can be abit moody like most and there is alot of things like cleaning and looking after my child he doesnt like and in his words i dont put in 100% effort when im trying so hard. But as a couple we get on and can have a laugh and he does show his caring side just not as much as he use to. maybe he feels a different way since ive had my kid and with this one on the way witch was by far planed BIG SHOCK he seems more short with me.

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He takes over with the sex because you're not getting him to where he wants to be quick enough. You have kids together, he tells you you're not putting in 100% effort but yet you say you're trying so hard. He is moody, he doesn't like helping to clean and taking care of the child. He used to care but not as much as he used to. He seems short with you.

 

Well IMO, what do you think about all that? Do you feel his good qualities (which not real sure what they are) may outweight the not so good ones? I think he has helped to lower your self esteem and got you where he wants you so he can be on control, that's what I think.

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Thank you very much for your advise and you have all given me food for thought but ive got to go now but please please feel free to leave any more advise and ill pick it up when i can.

 

Thank you all again.xx

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