Husband obsessed with retirement and pensions and refuses to have sex...

[SodaSelina]

I'm 24, my husband's 25 and we've been married for 3 weeks now.

He's lost his sex drive completely, and has become more interested in pensions and retirement issues - he ignored a night of passion with me when I wore sexy lingerie - to spend 2 hours on the computer looking up details on pension plans.

 

I felt so upset after all the effort I'd made - I'd even cooked a romantic meal for him - and he just sat up on the computer for 2 hours eating nacho chips and drinking three bottles of Coca-Cola!

 

In an attempt to try and get him away from this pensions obsession, I've booked a romantic meal with him at a local Italian restaurant for next Friday.

 

I tried asking my husband why he was so obsessed with pensions and retirement, but he just insisted "it's essential and needs to be done". I also asked him if there was anything in work that made him need to worry about it, but he insisted there was nothing.

 

What should I do?? He's recently become so obsessed with the whole pensions/retirement thing he booked an appointment for both of us with a pensions adviser next Friday - the same day as our romantic meal I booked.

 

How do I get the spark back into our relationship?? This worries me so much I just don't know how to deal with it.

 

Nothing I've tried works, what should I do??

 

---

Selina aka Lina from Bolton Greater Manchester

[EnigmasMuse]

I'm 24, my husband's 25 and we've been married for 3 weeks now.

He's lost his sex drive completely, and has become more interested in pensions and retirement issues - he ignored a night of passion with me when I wore sexy lingerie - to spend 2 hours on the computer looking up details on pension plans.

 

I felt so upset after all the effort I'd made - I'd even cooked a romantic meal for him - and he just sat up on the computer for 2 hours eating nacho chips and drinking three bottles of Coca-Cola!

 

In an attempt to try and get him away from this pensions obsession, I've booked a romantic meal with him at a local Italian restaurant for next Friday.

 

I tried asking my husband why he was so obsessed with pensions and retirement, but he just insisted "it's essential and needs to be done". I also asked him if there was anything in work that made him need to worry about it, but he insisted there was nothing.

 

What should I do?? He's recently become so obsessed with the whole pensions/retirement thing he booked an appointment for both of us with a pensions adviser next Friday - the same day as our romantic meal I booked.

 

How do I get the spark back into our relationship?? This worries me so much I just don't know how to deal with it.

 

Nothing I've tried works, what should I do??

 

---

Selina aka Lina from Bolton Greater Manchester

 

So he became obessed with pensions and retirement plans after you all were married? He showed no interest in it before?

 

You've been married for 3 weeks. Maybe give it some time and see what happens, if he is still interested in other things, like pensions than having sex with you, get a lawyer and get out now. I mean, I have heard of husbands ignorning their wives and not wanting sex because of other things they are doing, or are into, but the pension and retirement thing is a new one.

[Shygirl15]

That's strange. Was he like that before? Does he do that everyday?

[Enema]

Have you tried telling him that romance / sex is important to you and that you want him to make more of an effort?

 

That you feel he's spending too much time on pensions and that he should spend more time on you? (literally).

[Lizzie60]

How do I get the spark back into our relationship??

 

Wait for the pension plan to be in place..

 

I think he's going through a 'phase' and once that will be settle, he should be back to normal.. if he gets obsessed with something else.. then maybe he's just using this as an excuse for not having sex..

 

just wait a little longer and see..

[norajane]

 

I don't mean to make light of your problem, but, you have to admit, it's a little funny. And there are a LOT of women out there who wish their husbands were looking at pension plans online rather than porn.

 

I agree with Lizzie. It's probably a phase, brought on by the sudden realizations that you two are MARRIED and your futures are tied together forever, including retirement. He might be freaking out a little on the inside. He'll get over it once he puts that piece in place.

 

In the meantime, ask him to tell you all about mutual fund rates of return, but he has to whisper them in your ear while he's taking off your clothes.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I'ld say he's feeling a little overwhelmed by his new responsibility. Why not ditch the dinner reservations and the night of intimacy and do some research of your own. Show him you love him and want to support him and that you appreciate his planning a future for you. Read and learn on your own and offer up your own suggestions. There are many years for great sex, but a marraige is about so much more. Jump on the band wagon with him, encourage him and show him you appreciate him planning for your future.

 

I'm sure he'll want to show y ou his appreciation when he is a little less worried and overwhelmed. You have an opportunity to be his partner and show him some love. Good Grief, he's not spending his time checking out porn or haning out in bars.

 

Why not try to talk to him about his concerns and worries. Marriage is about so much more than sex. I know you need attention but you'll never get it 24/7. Try and join in on what's going on with him right now, he'll no doubt appreciate it. Good Luck.

[Trialbyfire]

You've gotten a ton of great advice here. It's okay to skip a night or two of nookie, for a good cause like pensions and retirement. Do get involved, no matter how deathly boring you feel it is. This way, when you both go to your romantic evening with your Investment or Financial Advisor, you'll understand what's going on during the discussion.

Be glad you have a fiscally responsible husband. He's a keeper!

[stoopid_guy]

Ok, there's a network cable coming from your cable or dsl modem to your computer or to a home router. The connector's called an RJ-45, it looks like a big phone plug (phone plugs are RJ-11s, but I digress.)

 

Pull out either end of the network cable, put a small piece of clear tape over the wires, they'll be opposite the clip. Plug it back in. He'll no longer be able to research investments on the internet (at least until you take the tape off) and the two of you will have to find "something better" to do.

[mental_traveller]

God forbid a husband might actually want to secure enough money for your retirement - and booking an appointment with a financial adviser, how stupid! I recommend you immediately divorce and then replace him with a guy whose time horizon is 24 hours and likes to blow all his money on booze and gambling.

[blair08]

God forbid a husband might actually want to secure enough money for your retirement - and booking an appointment with a financial adviser, how stupid! I recommend you immediately divorce and then replace him with a guy whose time horizon is 24 hours and likes to blow all his money on booze and gambling.

 

 

 

Well, I must say if the situation were reversed and it was the woman looking into pensions and retirement funds and not giving her husband sex because of it, she would be branded on here as a cold, frigid b*tch. How dare her not give her hubby some sex!

[GPFan]

I'd say he's feeling a little overwhelmed by his new responsibility.

Agreed. This is a phase that will pass when he feels he has done all he can to secure your future.