Facebook and Jealousy

[XNemesisX]

So I have been dating this guy for about 3 months now. At first, his facebook profile and pictures didn't bother me but as we get more serious they are starting to bother me intensely. He has some photos of him and his ex, and girls he has "hooked up with" on his pictures. Pictures where they are literally hanging all over each other drunk. It makes me feel so sick. I am trying to be mature about this but it is hard. I feel embarrassed by the pictures. Also, his ex that is on there is someone who did him really dirty - had sex with close friends of his behind his back, lied, you name it. However, he still has her as a friend and won't untag the pictures of them together?

 

There are also pretty nauseating pictures of him and a former FWB. This whole thing really came to a head when after a long weekend trip he comes in my house and first thing he does is get on my laptop and look at her profile. So I know he is checking out their profiles a lot if he's even doing it in my presence. I wouldn't even touch him the rest of the night so he knew it bothered me. A co-worker of mine said he must not have any sense to do that.

 

I have told him I don't like that he has not untagged these photos and it bothers me and he says he will untag himself from them but he never ends up doing it. He kind of laughs about it and I think he feels an ego boost that I seem jealous about it. Am I being unreasonable? Also about the ex....he claims he hates her guts yet he still has her as a friend on there? Does that make sense to anyone? How would you take that?

 

By the way, I am 25 and he is 23. He hasn't been out of college for very long so I can understand having some of those drunken photos hanging all over these girls...but is it really that hard to untag himself from the photos or am I asking too much.

 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated! I could really use it right now!

[JohnnyBlaze]

We don't generally untag ourselves. Most times, we don't see it as enough of an issue to even bother. I'd talk to him about checking out their profiles so adamantly (especially first thing when he gets to your place!), but barring that, I wouldn't be too worried about it...as long as the past stays in the past.

[lovestruck818]

OP- don't sweat it, the internet is not real life- and as d*uchebaggy as you think this might be, you really don't have a right to tell him what to do with his profile.

 

He may have pics of him with his ex on there but he's with you now, not her...and there is a reason for that.

[XNemesisX]

Well I just signed in facebook and sure enough he untagged himself from the pics with the former (or hopefully former) f-buddy hanging all over him. So I guess that's good...he finally did it. She's still on his friends list though but he deleted the ex-girlfriend.

 

It says under his profile that he has 63 photos yet when I click to look at them it says 55 photos so there are 8 pictures that I can't view. I bet these are pics of him and his ex another person tagged of them and b/c of their privacy settings I can't see them. Maybe it's for the best I can't see them. I know it's of them because when I look at her page it's the same problem and same amount of pics missing.

 

The only thing I worry about now is his ex noticing that he deleted her and then asking him why he deleted her and then he might blame it on me. Also, I should add that she is actually on MY friends list b/c I knew her a little bit before I started dating him. Do I delete her too now that he has?

 

I don't want to be petty at all but this stuff really bothers me. Am I seriously the only one that this bothers?! My boyfriend pointed out that I have a some pictures hugging on guys but those guys are PLATONIC friends. He said that those were girls that were his FRIENDS too and didn't see the difference. But I pointed out to him that those kinds of friends are different than the truly platonic friends you have never had sex with! Don't you agree?! I see a definite difference.

[XNemesisX]

I realize how petty and trivial all this sounds...but it really does bother me. It is making me feel like throwing up...literally. I feel like someone has kicked me in the stomach every time I look at his profile and pictures and those girls are on there.

 

Myspace and Facebook feeds jealousy. Sometimes I don't know if they are really a good thing - at least for people in relationships or married. I don't know how to stop being like this. I've always had a problem being jealous in relationships and this just seems to give me something to obsess and make myself upset with. I just can't accept having to look at that. I'm afraid if I keep talking about it to him he's going to end up getting fed up with my jealousy and want away from me

[zxcirce]

You need to get over this, or you will lose your relationship. Yes I'm being blunt, but your jealousy is irrational. He did what you asked him to do concerning his profile.

 

If you can't get over it, you need to cancel your facebook account. It's that simple. This has nothing to do with him and everything to do with you. You know that these sites "feed jealousy." Get off of them.

[XNemesisX]

You need to get over this, or you will lose your relationship. Yes I'm being blunt, but your jealousy is irrational. He did what you asked him to do concerning his profile.

 

If you can't get over it, you need to cancel your facebook account. It's that simple. This has nothing to do with him and everything to do with you. You know that these sites "feed jealousy." Get off of them.

 

You're right. And I'm happy that at least he cared enough to do what I asked when he really didn't have to. I don't think I will say anything else about it...or at least I will really try not to pick about it anymore and keep my feelings to myself. I've dated a lot of jerks and this guy seems to be a really sincere and good guy so I don't want to mess it up. I just hope I can get a grip on the jealousy. I don't want to deactivate or delete my accounts because it's the only way I can keep in touch with a lot of people. I guess my question is this....how do you overcome jealousy? It just seems so much easier said than done. I want to know how to get over it I hate this emotion!

[Enema]

Maybe you should buy a couple books on jealousy.

 

I think you're going over the top and this can't be healthy for your relationship.

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

This whole thing really came to a head when after a long weekend trip he comes in my house and first thing he does is get on my laptop and look at her profile. So I know he is checking out their profiles a lot if he's even doing it in my presence. I wouldn't even touch him the rest of the night so he knew it bothered me. A co-worker of mine said he must not have any sense to do that.

 

I have told him I don't like that he has not untagged these photos and it bothers me and he says he will untag himself from them but he never ends up doing it. He kind of laughs about it and I think he feels an ego boost that I seem jealous about it.

I quoted this part because it emphasizes my thoughts on this. I think it's less an issue of jealousy, and more a question of basic respect. A guy with respect for his girlfriend wouldn't do things (especially things concerning other girls/exes) that bothered her, especially after she openly communicated that fact to him.