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Should I take this friend's ?


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friend's advice...what happened there?

 

 

My cousin, let's call him Will, he's around my age and we've always been close, as in we've exchanged tons of life advice. When it comes to men, I know I can go to him and he'll be very honest. He'll say, LL the guy is playing you; or LL, this is what your doing wrong.

 

I've told him everything about Dan from the beginning, I told him the latest happenings, from the fights to all our conversations. Tonight, he told me that judging from Dan's behavior, he thinks that it's been narrowed down to me and 1 (or maybe even 2) other girls, all of whom he could be considering a relationship with. Will said he likes Dan and is "rooting for us". He says I've been doing everything right and to keep doing it, because he sees improvement. Will said, the reason Dan keeps coming back is because I put my foot down periodically, and it seems to keep him chasing me.

 

Will's advice was, that soon or eventually, I should just tell Dan, I know something's going on and you need to decide, basically. Whatever the case, Will strongly feels that this guy likes me as much as I like him. However, I don't want to outright accuse Dan of seeing other women. I give him trouble about it sometimes, just joking around, and he always makes a comment back that implies there is no one else...yes could be lying through his teeth. But I don't know how comfortable I'd feel jumping on his a&^ about something I have no proof of. It could be that he just wants space. The intervals of space have shortened, but still it's like I need answers. I have a connection with Dan that I haven't with anyone else in ages. I know this is a total turn-around from before...but things have been changing between us, which I never expected...makes me a bit nervous. Falling for someone is not common for me...despite what I've said about Ex's here before. This is a different feeling. ?

 

Should I really take this advice and if so, how and when? We've been seeing each other for over 2 months now, but I've known him 2 years. Dan used to come around every month or 2....now it's almost every week, maybe every 2 weeks. Still not a lot, but I don't have time for an everyday guy anyway. The point is, it's frequency for us. Thanks for reading.

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If it ain' broke...

 

I dated a guy who was seeing other women last summer and it was obvious because he would disappear for weeks on end, but of course he avoided actually mentionning the other girls he was seeing. I believe that in most cases, men date 'multiples' for a variety of reason - the main one being they're not ready for a commitment.

 

So I'm not sure about Will's advice. In a way, you sound like you have things as they are now under control and like you are actually learning a lot about yourself - and about being independant- in the process. I mean, the whole thing with Dan seems to be less about landing a guy then having a good time with someone special.

 

So until you're sure you want to get involved seriously with Dan, I would hold off making any ultimatums. But I don't know, this is what I get from your posts - you just don't sound like you're in a rush.

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If it ain' broke...

 

I dated a guy who was seeing other women last summer and it was obvious because he would disappear for weeks on end, but of course he avoided actually mentionning the other girls he was seeing. I believe that in most cases, men date 'multiples' for a variety of reason - the main one being they're not ready for a commitment.

 

So I'm not sure about Will's advice. In a way, you sound like you have things as they are now under control and like you are actually learning a lot about yourself - and about being independant- in the process. I mean, the whole thing with Dan seems to be less about landing a guy then having a good time with someone special.

 

So until you're sure you want to get involved seriously with Dan, I would hold off making any ultimatums. But I don't know, this is what I get from your posts - you just don't sound like you're in a rush.

 

Good insight Kam. Your right I don't want to rush into a serious thing with Dan, I guess the rush is just wanting to know if he feels what I feel at this point. I want a little more involvement, but nothing beyond that yet. And since he's already been giving me a little more at a time, maybe I should leave it alone for now. Your also right that it's about spending time with him. I don't think about a long-term future with him as much as I just think about him in general, about how good I feel with him. You know with guys in the past it was always like, "hmm, could he be a good husband?"...but I don't ask myself that about Dan...maybe I should but I don't, cuz I'm just enjoying what's in the present. I want him to understand that but I'm trying to figure out how to make him understand without sounding like I'm talkin' marriage here. I just read something that said guys have to slowly sink into commitment like they would in a hot tub...slowly in other words. They know it'll be nice once they are all the way in, but it's hot at 1st, so they hesitate before going further.

 

Will thinks I'm part of some "decision-making process" for Dan right now. So if that's true, I have to be cool and let him have space without getting mad about it. I did email him the other day because I wanted to let him know I had a great time when he came over, and I'm gald we've gotten to know each other a little better. Then I reminded him about a social event this weekend that he once mentioned he wanted to be there for. I just said "feel free" to join me there, because I don't want to sound pushy. If he doesn't show, I'll be kind of upset and I won't call him. Knowing him, though he'll call the next day with an excuse. I wouldn't act angry at that point because the plans weren't in stone. But if he waits forever to call, I might feel the need to give him the ultimatum then. I don't have a problem being patient though because I don't want to screw up something that I enjoy immensley.

 

Thanks again! :)

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